Getting rid of the body

So I noticed the title of a different thread Disposing of the body and initially thought it was about another subject entirely. So following up I was wondering…

If you murder someone, is there any way to 100% dispose of the body so that the most determined CSI team couldn’t find any hint that there was someone dead wherever you leave the body?

Talk to the pozole man. With enough acid I expect you could completely liquefy a body.

Barring that, cremation followed by fine milling of the remaining bone fragments out to work pretty good. Scatter the finely milled ashes widely enough, and they’ll be indistinguishable from the local soil.

I know some mighty damn remote desert locations. If I can get the body out there, I’m pretty confident no one will ever find it.

Now, getting it there…that’s tricky. Someone might see my car parked by the side of the road and want to offer help…right at the most embarrassing moment…

(Cut to Young Frankenstein and the constable chatting with Froederick.)

Feed it to the pigs. Where’s Wu anyway?

How long until the CSI team comes on the scene? A couple days or a couple years? I have 420 acres of woodlands and farmland and access to a backhoe. Come to think of it I think I know where I could get an auger/drill that would work off my cousin’s tractor. Not that I’ve thought this through or anything. :wink:

What body?

If you’re interested in doing it chemically, my advice would be sulfuric acid and hydrogen peroxide.

You could get some steaks & some chemicals and try various combinations. You might have some luck with a protease, for example. But, if you’re constrained by time or have no patience for science, just stick with the above & I think you’ll make enough smelly goo to make you think twice about doing it again.

The best bet would be to avoid examination in the first place. A good hiding place and tight lips kept many a mafia slaying out of the papers.

Dump it a lake … pretend your fishing …

But if they find the body you’ve not done much to disguise it as a body… The idea is the CSI team can know exactly where the remains are yet can’t prove there are any remains there.

You don’t know how long it’ll take them but they will know exactly where you dumped the remains. Your job is to prevent them from being able to prove that any body was ever there.

Will pigs eat the bones?

I’m fond of wood chippers, but making it look like an accident is probably your best bet.

Okay… Then I’d go for burning. Pulverise the ashes and repeat. You’ll end up with an anonymous gray powder. No DNA evidence remaining, and the bones are only dust. Since I used a lot of wood for the fire, you can’t even test the chemical composition of the ashes for “animal” chemical make-up. (If that’s a thing, I’ll burn a lot of plastic junk in the same fire.)

Chopping into little bits and feeding 'em to the pigs is also a goodie. Rinse the pig-poop and cycle it back through the pigs again with their feed. Before very long, any “humanity” is totally gone from the results.

See the murder case of Donald Blom, here in Minnesota.

He almost got rid of the body of his 19-year-old victim completely, by burning it up in a fire at his northwoods property… All that was left were some bone fragments (but so badly burned that DNA couldn’t link them to the victim, a part of a single tooth, also too burned for DNA links. If he had burned it a bit more, or pulverized the bones and reburned them, and sifted the ashes to find teeth, it would have been completely gone.

You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies’ digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don’t want to go sievin’ through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, “as greedy as a pig.”

Cut the hair into half-inch lengths, and smash the teeth to powder. Then, not only feed it to the pigs, but run it through 'em a second and third time, to make sure of the hair.

(Or just burn the hair separately.)

Too few people ever think of smashing the teeth and bones. There was a Sherlock Holmes story where Watson recognized one end of a human femur. Half an hour’s light labor over an anvil would have put an end to that once and for all.

Drop it in a vat of molten metal at a blast furnace? Or into lava?

Always listen to the experts. :slight_smile:

Getting rid of a body does not mean you will get away with it,

The absence of certain activities from a deceased person will generally flag up some alarms, and the fact that online presence is increasing for most folks means that unusual absence is becoming more noticeable.

Online presence also draws far more links that previously too. The killer is very highly likely to have some connection to the missing person, body not required

Well, thank you for that. That’s a great weight off my mind. Now, if you wouldn’t mind telling me who the fuck you are, apart from someone who feeds people to pigs of course?