You’re right, but the phrase “good enough to be a lesbian” has underlying significance to an MTF transsexual that may not be obvious. It’s all about what you mean by “good” in a lesbian context, and there are two ways to crucify yourself over it:
"woman enough to be a lesbian" - are you convincing enough for lesbians to genuinely regard you as a woman, or are they just calling you “she” out of politeness and/or political correctness?
"queer enough to be a lesbian" - is your attraction to lesbians genuinely homosexual, or is it a heterosexual attraction that remains intact from your pre-transition identity as a man?
In my view, these are bogus dichotomies and dwelling on them leads only to paranoia. The traditional terms “man”, “woman”, “heterosexual”, and “homosexual” are ambiguous when applied to transsexuals. Many transsexuals who attempt to fit into these categories put themselves under a great deal of stress trying to live up to the archetypes they represent.
What has worked for me is to identify aspects of myself that are beyond dispute - i.e. I am an MTF transsexual femme who’s attracted to femmes of either sex. Nothing to live up to there, it’s just who I happen to be. I don’t have to explicitly claim to be a woman, a lesbian, a queer, or anything else - I can leave it up to people who know me to decide for themselves. If someone were to ask me why I hang out with lesbians and gay boys, the answer is simple: because I like them.
You expressed that very well, Lish Lash. The two hangups you identified are exactly what I’ve been going through. Sure, it makes sense rationally to argue that it’s no good getting hung up on these issues. I have no problem intellectually assenting to what you said. Learning to free myself of these hangups as I get through life is another matter. It takes a process of personal growth.
You may not have observed this yet, since you’re a recent guest (welcome to the SDMB, I hope you decide to stay), but DocCathode is one of the best-informed, most sensitive and understanding Dopers on trans issues. That’s why I was saying I learn a lot from him.
:smack: I can’t believe I overlooked that. I’d just been assuming Johanna was secure in her sexual identity and sexual orientation. I’ve been arguing on a level of a logical definition. She’s been arguing on a of an emotional definition. I’ve been engaging in a sociological disscussion, while she’s been having a personal one.
I had several times thought of injecting the comment that it is for some lesbians a sociopolitical issue, and that seemed to be inherent in what Johanna, as a “transwoman,”* was saying. Good to see there’s some resolution and communication established here; it was getting well out of my depth.
I hate that term; it sounds like she’s a robot dressed all in a primary color who can transform herself into a variety of weaponry and vehicles, with boobs that turn into machine guns, etc.
Um… I know this is absolutely TMI and private, but I’ve gotten myself into it this far… The fact is, my sexual libido is almost nonexistent any more. It’s a known side effect of TG. Hugging and cuddling have replaced fucking for me. When it comes to ordinary hugging and cuddling, men and women are more or less equal for me. My libido as it now functions, my sexual appreciation of women, takes place on the aesthetic and social planes for me, i.e. I much prefer women’s company, their styles, their worldview; I gravitate toward the space that is created by their being in it. On this more ethereal frame do I hang my lesbianism. If I were still sexually active, I would be having lesbian sex, yes. I still love a good snog as much as ever. Anyone who was thinking of dating me should be aware of this.* When it comes to actual lesbian sex, I am primed for giving although not receiving; this makes me an odd creature indeed: a “stone femme.”
*I’m not out to date anyone, though, because I’m married. Sorry, admirers.
I let my freak loose by letting all the richness of womanhood and ancient ecstasy of the Goddess flow through my soul, wild drumming and dancing as in the prehistoric Anatolian rites of the Great Mother’s Corybantes.
This is what a very wild woman wrote to a Yahoo group after Witchcamp, when I said that I’d been accused of being possessed by a demoness:
. Like I said, by examining the issue from different angles, you guys collectively help me to understand it better.