Was talking to a mature adult who did not know what to buy their adult child for x-mas. They were considering giving them cleaning services, but didn’t know if it would be perceived as an insut.
Whaddya think?
I would welcome such a gift with open arms. And maybe tears.
But I really, really hate housework.
If they would want to re-gift it I’m in!
I think it depends on the relationship. If the child complains about hating housework, then it’s a nice gift. If the parent complains about the state of the house when they visit, then it’s an insult.
I think it’s something that needs to be discussed before giving it out of the blue. For example, we’re giving my sister-in-law maid service as a baby shower present, but we checked with her first and had her pick out the service.
No way in hell I’d receive that gift with anything other than gratitude. I don’t think anyone enjoys cleaning their own house- I certainly don’t.
Our cleaning service is working on our house as I type this, actually.
That’s the kind of gift which can fail spectacularly if the recipient does not appreciate it. They might like it or they might think it’s a passive aggressive comment on the way they do their housekeeping. Unless there’s some reason to believe that they have been wishing for maid service, don’t do it. But if they give that as a gift, it should be an ongoing thing. Giving someone a 1-time maid service isn’t really going to make a difference in how clean the house is on a long-term basis. Maybe if they entertain a lot it might be nice to have a gift of maid service they can use before getting the house ready for a party. It seems like a gift fraught with potential for hurt feelings, so I would say to do something different.
Yeah I would take it as an insult. And many people don’t want a house cleaner cleaning things. It can feel incredibly awkward to have someone gazing upon your house mess, even if it’s a stranger.
exactly this.
True this
Also, even if the gift would normally be a good one, it’s a little awkward this Christmas. I would enjoy having a gift of maid service, but no one other than people who live here is entering my house this winter.
I can see both sides of this. It could be a wonderful gift or it could spark resentments that last years.
Our housekeeper comes in weekly. We greet her, give any special instructions needed and then leave. We have been doing this for several years and am very comfortable with the whole routine.
My mother has been complaining about how hard it is for her to keep up with her housekeeping has expressed a wish for some help. I have been considering contacting a maid service and sending someone over to her home. The only reason I haven’t done it yet is because I’m concerned that she will find it insulting. She’s 84, we probably don’t have years to heal from an ugly argument.
Would that be maid service “with benefits”?
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Our cleaning lady is coming to our house again, but it’s making me increasingly nervous as covid cases rise. I talked with my doctor (who is also my mother’s doctor) before letting her back, and he said that he thought it was a reasonable risk for my household, so long as everyone wore masks, but not a reasonable risk for my mom, who is 82.
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If that doesn’t dissuade you, next time your mom complains, right then and there, ask her if she would welcome it if you hired someone. Then it is clearly a reaction to her concerns, and not you casting doubt on her adequacy.
I would not suggest surprising someone with this. If and only if I had a specific factual basis to believe it would be appreciated (i.e. the recipient has expressed wishing they could afford a housekeeper, not just that I think their house is messy), I would then ASK the recipient if they would like such a gift. And I say this as someone who has used maid services and will again once it’s safe, and who would be happy to get such a gift from my parents.
I wouldn’t take it as an insult - but I also wouldn’t use it. If I wanted someone else to clean my house, I’d already have a cleaning service.
Definitely needs to be discussed with the recipient first.
I don’t enjoy housework (not many do, of course) and we do have some trouble keeping on top of it. But I don’t want a cleaning service - I don’t like a) paying for something I can do a reasonable job of myself, b) the hassle and potential problems of a stranger (at least to start with) being in the house, and c) just generally having our stuff moved around, however minor. It’s bad enough when my wife tidies things away! And before anyone says it, yes I do try to do my fair share, even if I don’t always succeed (she and I have slightly different standards, but that’s another story). I should also say that I don’t think she wants a cleaning service either.
My mother-in-law is a regular visitor and I have mixed feelings about her helping out - on the one hand I do genuinely appreciate it, and say so, on the other I’d kind of rather she didn’t (which I don’t say to her, of course). If she gave us this gift, I wouldn’t be insulted or fall out with her, but it would be unwanted. But hey, maybe we would learn to love it and wish we’d done it sooner.
Another vote for discussing it with the recipients. Personally, neither of us like strangers in the house, and during covid we really, really don’t want them. We don’t wish to clean up the bill/finance basket in the kitchen, nor hide finance info in the back office, nor put away valuables/jewelry. It’s more trouble than cleaning.
It’s been tried before by well-meaning relatives but we refused politely.
It’s not a gift that I’d appreciate, at all, but only because I would not want a stranger roaming around my house, and I’d feel the need to first clean things up if I somehow agreed to it (which I wouldn’t).
Thanks, all.
My recommendation was that the giver research the cost of whatever service she is willing to give, and put together some kinds certificate offering that or - in the alternative, and equal dollar value at their preferred grocery store.
The giver is my sister, and her adult dtr is married. They bought a new house last year. Both work full time professional jobs - make quite good $. They recently got a dog. My sister recently visited them and was impressed at the lack of general cleanliness. Wondered if it was b/c they were working hard and the dog added effort. Also opined that they seem to just have way too much stuff for the size of their home, so considered an organization/declutter service.
Sister is not trying to be judgmental - just trying to think of something to give other than a check. Several years ago, my wife and I decided to simply give our kids cash.