Girl you can never have

If i came across like im a victim I dont feel that way at all. Ill take complete owner ship of my misery. She has never for a second led me on. The thing is i know objectively that we wont get togther and im fine if with it for the most part. Its just the emotional stuff that is driving me crazy. I’ve never really been emotional about most things in my life but this is out of the blue. Is it posible for the emotional and rational part of your brain to communicate.

I didn’t see you as a victim-- perhaps potential victim of major letdown, but no.

Like I said, man. You love the good parts of her. But who you think she is or who she will be is irrelevant. I don’t even see her as a tramp or anything like that. If I were a hot girl, I’d test the waters of the nightclubs every night.

It may be possible to separate the emotional and rational parts of thought in a human brain, but if the subject is a cute and tiny redhead (like I had an 8-year crush on), no, it’s not always possible.

You don’t come across like a victim - more like an idiot. A rather common type of idiot, if that helps. Try reading W. Somerset Maugham’s “Of Human Bondage” - it’s about a decent guy who repeatedly destroys his life chasing a woman who doesn’t give two shits about him.

In my 20s a buddy of mine was in a similar situation to yours - actually worse. He was nuts about this gorgeous, intelligent girl and they lived together. She worked as a hostess at a ritzy resort and drove him nuts bringing home guys passing thru town and banging them senseless in the next room, but in his case if it was a slow night and she didn’t meet anyone at work, she’d climb into his bed. In a rare fit of emotional self-preservation he moved out of state, but eventually he caved and moved back. She went thru two bad marriages (she cheated on both guys) before he finally gave up.

I don’t believe that. You might be fine with her being with someone else someday, when you’re in a good marriage to someone you love deeply, but right now, I think you’re miserable. Meanwhile, you’ve put yourself in a position where you’re not doing as much as you can to meet someone to replace the object of your affections under the guise of, “I just want us to be friends.”

I’m curious about how old you are - I think when most people get older, they realize that a relationship without drama is much, much better than one with drama.

CMG; re-read your original post but pretend it’s your best friend and you want to give them advice. Look at where the justifications for the actions are, what would you say to them?

Having been there with the unobtainable girl in my past, the only thing I can suggest is tell her straight out what you have said here. At the very least, you’ll know where you stand with this girl, for better or worse. I suspect that those advocating you cut loose are probably going to be right, though, and that is hard.
You can only control your actions, not hers.
Bon Chance!

Love her with all your heart, and none of your mouth. Be there for her if she needs, but your head needs to “get” that she is happy with someone else.

Another girl may come your way; give her a fair chance. The way you want this One Girl to be happy? Maybe she’d want you to be happy too? (It could happen… )
Look, this whole world is more weird & crazy than a lava lamp in a paint-shaker. Who knows where you will end up? (not me)
Don’t love her to the exclusion of others. Don’t hate her. Maybe you’ll get to dance with her at her wedding. Maybe she’ll get to dance with you at yours.

Just don’t lose your head about only renting that wedding hall Once.

According to his OP he’s in his early 30s and has found himself to be unsuccessful at dating.

Why would you move back in with her!!!

Find someone else to transfer the lease to and get out!!!

See you soon on Judge Judy… :rolleyes:

Oh yes, you’re right. I forgot about that part of it.

update to my situation. We have been back living together for the 2 last months or so. It has gone pretty much as expected. She has been dating/hooking up with some dude for the last month. He lives out of town and spends 1 or 2 nights a week here. For the most part as soon as he comes over i just head right to my bedroom and drink some nyquil and go to sleep and hope hes gone by time i wake up.
After a few weeks of this she called me out on it and says that ive been passive aggressive towards her and it seems to happen only when he comes over and that i should get over it because it makes her feel bad/guilty about me spending so much time in my room and how she noticed it back when we lived together before although we never really talked about it back then.
We didnt really come to any comprimise but i told her that i didnt want to hang out with her and him eye fucking each other and im new to this city and havent made many friends yet and dont really have anywhere to go when he comes over.
Anyway i knew from the get go that this dude she is seeing had a girl in his life that was pregnant. i didnt really know what the status was but i assumed that they werent together but he was going to still be part of her and her childs life. Now i have found out from over hearing one of their phone calls. (I wasnt eavesdropping, I was just watching tv while my roomate was talking to him on phone.) I seems that him and this 8 month pregnent girl are actually a couple and this girl has no idea that he is banging my roommate.
Now i honestly dont care about this. Pregnency/cheating any of it really. I dont judge and i have my own life to care about.
However i do have information that can hurt my roomate and this dude. With facebook and some internet searching i could probably blow up this whole situation and never be found out. It wont really benefit me much in the long run but i still have this desire to do it.

thoughts lol

Holy shit! Do I ever wish this was the Pit! Muzzled by the heavy hand of MPSIMS!! AHHHH! :mad:

I’m all for some well-deserved revenge, but this girl didn’t do anything to you! Do you realize that? Trying to get revenge on someone who hasn’t wronged you in any way is psycho.

This girl meaning my roomate or the pregenant girl. It doesnt really hurt my roomy much other then the fact that she might be exposed as a homewrecker. I dont get the impression she expects much of a future with this guy. As for the pregenant girl i honestly dont know a thing about her. I feel bad for i guess that she’s knocked up by some dude who cheats when she is at her most vunerable.

Frankly I’m surprised the girl (your crush) hasn’t figured this out yet! It’s a prerequisite of dating for girls to scour Facebook, his favorite websites, his phone, his wallet, etc. :smiley:

On the other hand, she only sees him a couple times a week, no? So she still might be in the hazy, in the clouds point of the hookup.

God, with my old crush I would’ve found a way to drop the bomb of info on her. I’d wait for her to mention him and ask what his kid’s name is. But, no, don’t do that. She will figure it out on her own VERY soon.

Problem is, you’re digging two possible holes right now. If you tell her about it, she’ll hold it against you and think you’re possessive and a control freak. If you DON’T tell her, and she finds out you knew, you’ll hear a different type shitstorm, but a shitstorm nonetheless.

One question comes to mind: You say you don’t care about the cheating/pregnancy thing and you don’t judge. But how do you feel knowing this cheating douche with a critter on the way is boinking the girl you love?


Contradict yourself much?

Don’t give in to your psycho jealous impulses. The only one in this situation who can rightfully get revenge, when she finds out, is the pregnant woman.

Sorry if i didnt make it clear it my post. My roomate knows this guy has a pregnent girlfriend. The day i first met him she told me. It through me for a loop at first. Since he had a baby on the way i figured he was just hanging out as a friend. When he started spending the nights i found out that my roomate didnt bring him over to just “hang out”.
My roomy has a thing for guys with girlfriends that goes back to when i lived with her previous. This would be the first guy with a child though

DOH! My mistake. I see now.

That’s another thing. My old crush INSISTED on dating wanna-be alpha males who always had a girlfriend someplace else. Some with kids too. I’ve learned that usually leans towards her claims of low self-esteem. :rolleyes: This from a girl who always had the most Valentines and largest number of interested boys since 2nd grade.

You put girls on pedestals. You need to be honest about what she is and that there’s many more like her out there. In fact, there’s many more better than her out there. You’ve been obsessing about her for what, more than a year now? How many girls could you tear through in that time?

She seems like an exceedingly unpleasant person who, if you ever actually landed her, would cheat on you and make your life miserable.

I mean, you know what she’s like. Why would she be a different person if she were your girlfriend?