This could be long post. I really really need advice on how to deal with girl i am in to but know deep down i cant have. We’ve been roomates for the past few years. Shes in her 20s and i am in my early 30s. We are completly opposite when it comes to dating. i rarely date and she is very popular with fellas. We both have issues on how we are still single this late in life but we live together really well for the most part.
She is pretty attractive and I not so much and I told myself when we first moved in together that we’d never hook up and not to get attached to her in that way. However of course that seemed to work fine untill she starting bringing guys around and it drove me crazy. She’d have bfs for extended periods of time which bothered me at first but i usually got used to it. But it was the random guys that really got to me. I had never really been in that situation where i got jealous before and it was shocking to me how emotional it made me.
She recently moved across the country and left me home for a few months alone but i eventually followed her out here. I didnt move out here just for her and it was my biggest worry about moving here was that it would go back to the way it was before and now that seems to be the case. She and I were both staying with other friends in this new location but now we’ve found a place together and are moving back in togther. From my friends i’ve found that she’s been tearing thru guys out here and i expect that to continue.
Now heres my problem. we’ve signed the 1 year lease together and i expect ill be pretty miserable seeing guys come and go. Ive hoped my feeling for her would fade over time but that doesnt seem to be happening. I just want to be over her and not care so much but still be her friend. Is that even posible ARGH! side note that i dont judge her at all for tearing thru guys. some of my best female friends have racked up some huge numbers and it doesnt bother me at all.
You seriously need to move out ASAP.
This relationship is inappropriate. If she knows how you feel, it’s wrong of her to keep stringing you along like this.
Even if she doesn’t, it’s just plain unhealthy for you to have these feelings. I doubt you’ll get over her until you move out and have a life of your own away from her.
If you can’t get out of the lease, for god’s sake do not move back in with her again in the future. I guess you just have to tough it out for a year.
I figured thats what i’d hear. Honestly the few months i was alone, the best feeling in the world was not knowing who she was hooking up or what she was doing. Most of my friends said I shouldnt move in with her again even though they never brought up why i should. I think pretty much everyone knows why but they dont really say it aloud. I realy have no idea if she knows or not. She keeps her cards pretty close to her chest and even if she did she’d just say thats my problem. She can pretty direct lol.
Well, if you’re a masochist, it’s a good situation. If you aren’t, get out of this situation at any cost. Tear up the lease. Pay some kind of fee if you have to to get out of it. Move back where you were before you followed her across the country and change your phone number.
I have seen people in your situation. I have been (pathetically) in this situation, thankfully for a short time only. No, it will never end in a romantic comedy way. Just get out.
Dude, CMG, listen. You do not love her. You love parts of her, certain way she acts at times, maybe how she does this or that little thing you find adorable, but you absolutely don’t love all of her.
Part of her that’s real is dating a lot of different guys. She wants to and she can if she wants. To say it differently (hopefully better), you love a chick that loves to hook up with guys.
Realizing just this is how I finally got away from an eight year crush. You may think there’s just a couple things to change about her and she’ll go nuts for you. Truth is, you can’t make these changes.
You’ll find the girl, but its not her.
The simplest, most effective way to get over someone is to find someone else. Stop fixating on this one girl and start dating - one day you will meet someone that makes your head go ‘ping’ and you’ll forget this girl in an instant.
I’ve been into a girl/woman that I couldn’t get. Lasted a long time. Stopped seeing her twice for an extended period. I stopped thinking about her, but fell again for her as soon as I saw her again. Weirdly, what did the trick for me was when she dated, then started a long-term relationship, with a friend of mine I had presented to her (it wasn’t my intent that they would date). Painful at the start, but I eventually got over it, since she was then clearly unavailable, and I could keep a friendly relationship with her that I pretty much wanted. Plus obviously I liked her SO.
Speaking of which, are you really sure you want to keep seeing her as a mere friend? It worked for me, but I’m not convinced it’s often what people really want, from my observations.
In any case, move the hell out of there. You situation seems pretty much hopeless, and you’d be probably thinking way too much about her even if you weren’t living with her. I advise not seeing her for a while (by “a while” I mean years, not months) in order to have enough time to get over it and hopefully meet someone else. If she’s really friend material, you’ll certainly be able to get in touch again later in your life when you’ll have moved on.
By the way, apparently you didn’t tell her you were into her. You probably should I’m pretty sure her answer will be “I’m sorry to hear that”, but it doesn’t cost much to do so (OK, it does cost much…But still, you’ll have less regrets/lingering doubts if you do and she clearly says “no”).
This isn’t about her at all. This is about you. She’s humping everyone and everything in the universe except you. Of course your ego is hurt.
So, you and your ego need to talk this over. Keep her out of it. In other words: She isn’t really hurting you. You are only hurting yourself. Heck, she probably doesn’t care about your feelings regarding her sex life one way or another.
But yeah, the quick-and-easy solution is for you to date someone else.
Did i miss something in the story… How do you KNOW that she’s not into you? Have you tried and failed? That may be a better plan than running away and always wondering.
Oh, I agree w/ the guys above that if she’s not into you, you should make other plans.
Good point.
OK, before you read my previous post, get her really drunk, give her a back rub and see what happens.
Uh dude I think you completely moved out there for her. You gotta quit cold turkey.
I just want to say that I don’t think anyone should be saying anything negative about this woman AT ALL. She has done NOTHING wrong - she’s an adult, and she’s single, and she can have sex with every man she meets if she wants to.
OP, you’re the one with the problem. You know that you can’t live with her and just be friends, so you go and get into the same damned situation again, following her across the country and moving back in with her. You know you’re jealous and it hurts you to see her living her life, seeing other guys, so you should move out and not try to be friends with her - it obviously doesn’t work.
Oh, I also wanted to add, you’re not some kind of noble martyr, CMG, for pining for this unobtainable lady. You’re just making bad decisions and getting nowhere, and you probably know it.
Only one way to know. Be naked and in her bed one day when she comes home for work. You will know then.
ETA: This might clear things up in a lot of ways.
I have a guy friend who I know was falling in love with me and I was leading him on for a short while, and then I told him I could no longer be with him, and didn’t say it directly but it’s because I’m not attracted. He has remained friends with me and I tell him everything about my guy experiences, and I feel bad sometimes. And especially when I say things like, oh I’m never gonna find Mr. Right. But I figure, he hasn’t said anything about being hurt when I say that, so by remaining my friend, he’s chosen to subject himself to this.
I had quite a few in my town I wanted when I was younger that I had the oppotunity to be with many years later. Maybe waiting is the best bet.
Not me, she can’t!
My wife would get really mad.
Yeah, but it’s also the hardest part.
:**D&R:
I say hang in there, give her time to really see how much you mean to her - she’ll come around. You know how I know? Because even though this sort of relationship is typically disastrous, one time, back in the 1980s, it worked out for someone!
All you other posters will disagree, but this is the only post he’ll actually read. 
Okay, fine, she can have sex with everyone EXCEPT Jophiel.
Happy? 