Give a gay spin to a classic story

I’ve always wanted to redo West Side Story by having the son of a fundamentalist Chirstian group get together with a gay activist. It would giveI feel pretty and witting and gay a whole new meaning.

Are we looking for semi-serious glam-ups, or can we go for silly?

Silly is fine too.

I would also like to revive Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Song & Dance with the openly gay Sam Harris playing the lead, just to hear him belt out “The Last Man in My Life.”

Just as a sort of tangent going the other direction: there’s a famous play (1928, I think) called The Front Page by Ben Hecht, about a hot-shot reporter who wants to quit the newspaper to get married, and the connivances of his editor to prevent him leaving. The play is a male/male friendship story.

Howard Hawks made it into a wonderful movie in 1940 called HIS GIRL FRIDAY, with Cary Grant as the editor, and changed the reporter to a female (Rosalind Russell.) The change of gender makes a world of difference.

Remember the old movie “Gentlemen’s Agreement.” Image the Gregory Peck character playing a pretend gay guy.

That would so work.

One writing project I’ve had on the back burner for awhile (shelved because the guy I was writing it with moved away) was a camp musical version of "the Exorcist"with a very obvious subtext that “the devil” was really Regan’s reaching puberty and feeling her very ‘butch’ lesbian sexuality emerge. As the devil takes hold of her, Regan cuts her hair short & wears flannel shirts, etc. - scaring the fear of God into her previously athiest mother. Unfortunately, my co-writer is the musician, so without him I have no songs for the musical.

The Mutiny on the Bounty could have a field day with the gay subtext, what with all the seamen. The strict, butch, straight Captain Bligh forces his men to deny their feelings and adhere to official morality. (But gosh, doesn’t he just love watching their half-nude bodies getting the lash.) Mr. Christian just can’t take the repression anymore and he and his, uh, friends take over the boat. Bligh and his hetero buddies are forced to share the Captains dinghy while the first mate and co. frolic on the poop deck. They then turn the Bounty into the first gay cruise ship on it’s way to a south Pacific paradise.

Moby Dick] already has Queequeg and Ishmail in the same bed.

The Lord of the Rings is chock full of possibilities.

Sam and Frodo, Merry and Pippin, Legolas and Gimli, Legolas and Aragorn…

Frodo and Sam struggling together through to Mount Doom, with Sam casting increasingly loving glances at Frodo…

rats, it’s been done already.

Any superhero and his ‘ward’.

Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street.

Of course, the Bible: Adam and Steve.

I could go for some Scarecrow/Cowardly Lion action right about now.

Teddy Roosevelt - the original Leatherdaddy? I mean, come on - the Rough Riders? Bull Moose? The Teddy “Bear?” It practically writes itself.

Frodo whips it out:
“Like my precious?!”
Sam falls to his knees.
“Oh, Mr. Frodo…”

Lord Of The Cockrings: Part One

Romeo and Juliet becomes Romeo and Julio. It even rhymes !

And their sexuality can be another reason for their families to oppose their relationship.

So that’s who was with Julio down by the school yard!

Sam : It’s not invisible anymore!
Frodo: And it has a really long life…

(we really need the characters to burst into song about now)

Oh what a beauktiful cock ring, oh I’m so glad that we’re gay!
I’ve got a wonderful feeling, nazgul are coming our way!

Romeo & Juliet Act. 3 Scene 1 is practically a gay bashing (I amended a few words in parentases)

TYBALT
37 Follow me close, for I will speak to them.
38 Gentlemen, good den: a word with one of you.

  MERCUTIO 

39 And but one word with one of us? couple it with
40 something; make it a word and a blow. (job)

  TYBALT 

41 You shall find me apt enough to that, sir, an you
42 will give me occasion.

  MERCUTIO 

43 Could you not take some occasion without
44 giving?

  TYBALT 

45 Mercutio, thou consort’st with Romeo,— (consortest?] As in Prince consort)

  MERCUTIO 

46 Consort! what, dost thou make us minstrels? an (or menstruals)
47 thou make minstrels of us, look to hear nothing but
48 discords: here’s my fiddlestick; here’s that shall (fiddlesticks indeed)
49 make you dance. 'Zounds, consort!

  BENVOLIO 

50 We talk here in the public haunt of men:
51 Either withdraw unto some private place,
52 And reason coldly of your grievances,
53 Or else depart; here all eyes gaze on us.

  MERCUTIO 

54 Men’s eyes were made to look, and let them gaze;
55 I will not budge for no man’s pleasure, I. (or buldge)

Summary
Enter ROMEO.

  TYBALT 

56 Well, peace be with you, sir: here comes my man.

  MERCUTIO 

57 But I’ll be hanged, sir, if he wear your livery:
58 Marry, go before to field, he’ll be your follower;
59 Your worship in that sense may call him “man.”

  TYBALT 

60 Romeo, the love I bear thee can afford
61 No better term than this: thou art a villain.

  ROMEO 

62 Tybalt, the reason that I have to love thee
63 Doth much excuse the appertaining rage
64 To such a greeting: villain am I none;
65 Therefore farewell; I see thou know’st me not.

  TYBALT 

66 Boy, this shall not excuse the injuries
67 That thou hast done me; therefore turn and draw.

  ROMEO 

68 I do protest I never injured thee,
69 But love thee better than thou canst devise,
70 Till thou shalt know the reason of my love:
71 And so, good Capulet,—which name I tender
72 As dearly as my own,—be satisfied.

  MERCUTIO 

73 O calm, dishonourable, vile submission!
74 Alla stoccata carries it away.

       [Draws.]