[QUOTE=Malacandra]
Jean Harlow: “Aren’t you Margot Asquith?”
Lady Asquith: “No, dear, the t is silent, as in Harlow”
Reminds me of a Simpsons quote:
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? I wonder if he’s related to Homer Sampson?
Smithers: Unlikely sir, they spell and pronounce their names differently.
As someone pointed out, a dry wit is subtle. You might miss the joke if you aren’t paying attention (or are too stupid).
[QUOTE=msmith537]
[QUOTE=Malacandra]
Jean Harlow: “Aren’t you Margot Asquith?”
Lady Asquith: “No, dear, the t is silent, as in Harlow”
Reminds me of a Simpsons quote:
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? I wonder if he’s related to Homer Sampson?
Smithers: Unlikely sir, they spell and pronounce their names differently.
As someone pointed out, a dry wit is subtle. You might miss the joke if you aren’t paying attention (or are too stupid).
[/QUOTE]
Then I guess I’m stupid. I don’t get it.
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton]
I read it in the Harvard Lampoon, in a short article called “The Churchill Wit.” Another example from the same piece: George Bernard Shaw, inviting Churchill to the opening of one of his plays, joked, “Bring a friend, if you have one.” Churchill replied, “You and your play can both go fuck themselves.”
[/QUOTE]
For those who haven’t heard the real reply, Churchill said “We’ll come to your second night performance, if you have one.”
The “pearls before swine” between Luce & Parker never happened. It’s one of those great stories with no basis in truth.
[QUOTE=Jamaika a jamaikaiaké]
This makes no sense to me. Care to explain?
[/QUOTE]
A pedant is someone who is very into precision and correctness.
the Peasant’s Revolt was led by a man named Wat Tyler.
“Wat” is a kind of lower-class British pronunciation of “what”.
a pedant would, of course, use the correct grammer and instead of answering “What Tyler” would say “Which Tyler”.
Funny?
I think it’s one of the funniest jokes ever, go figure. Perhaps as it requires a knowledge of English history, grammer and a fondness for clever puns I feel good getting the joke.
[QUOTE=msmith537]
Reminds me of a Simpsons quote:
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? I wonder if he’s related to Homer Sampson?
Smithers: Unlikely sir, they spell and pronounce their names differently.
As someone pointed out, a dry wit is subtle. You might miss the joke if you aren’t paying attention (or are too stupid).
[/QUOTE]
It was actually Richard Nixon and Burns wondered if this Homer Nixon was any relation.
Years ago, I worked at a printing place…
The walls of the men’s room were covered with various inscriptions, humourous, pithy and profane…
One night I decide to add my own… I wrote “You are ALL such cunning linguists!”
(This was 1980, I feel I made up that pun, it was at least original with me)
The next day, my boss called me in and told me that I was on the verge of being written up for “defacing company property”. I was shocked and told him so, for one, many of the things in the washroom were much more offensive than mine, and two, how did he know I did it?
He replied… You wrote it in blue pencil… proof reader…
dry wit is not always an indication of sharp intellegence…
regards
FML
[QUOTE=A.R. Cane]
Calvin Coolidge was known to be a man of few words. This story, true or not, is told about him: Coolidge was attending an obligatory dinner party when a woman approached him and said, “I have a bet w/ my friend over there that I can get you to say more than two words.” Coolidge replied, “You lose.” and turned away.
[/QUOTE]
I just wanted to say that although I arrived waaay too late, I immediately thought of this story the moment I saw the title of the thread. 
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton]
I read it in the Harvard Lampoon, in a short article called “The Churchill Wit.” Another example from the same piece: George Bernard Shaw, inviting Churchill to the opening of one of his plays, joked, “Bring a friend, if you have one.” Churchill replied, “You and your play can both go fuck themselves.”
[/QUOTE]
Well, it was published in April, 1973 by Michael O’Donoghue, and is generally said to have been in the National Lampoon, but I don’t have the issue to hand. It’s in the National Lampoon Encyclopedia of Humor, though.
[QUOTE=Bridget Burke]
The best lines do tend to get around. Here’s another of Dorothy [Parker]'s…
“If with the literate I am
Impelled to try an epigram,
I never seek to take the credit;
We all assume that Oscar said it.”
[/QUOTE]
Upon hearing a witticism, Wilde was compelled to remark: “I wish I had said that.” Replied James Abbott McNeill Whistler: “You will, Oscar, you will.”
I have to tell one on myself. I was in high school and some friends and I went to a movie. It was getting crowded and there was an empty seat next to me.
Patron: “Is that seat saved?”
Me: “I don’t know. (turning to the seat) Do you know Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior?”
During our current project at work, many of the kids wrote about Of Mice and Men. Probably 1 in 15. One coworker’s mouse stopped responding, so he explained to my boss that “[his] mouse is dead.”
Another coworker turned to him and said in a solemn voice “You shouldn’t have squeezed it so hard, Lenny.”
[QUOTE=BMalion]
A pedant is someone who is very into precision and correctness.
the Peasant’s Revolt was led by a man named Wat Tyler.
“Wat” is a kind of lower-class British pronunciation of “what”.
a pedant would, of course, use the correct grammer and instead of answering “What Tyler” would say “Which Tyler”.
Funny?
I think it’s one of the funniest jokes ever, go figure. Perhaps as it requires a knowledge of English history, grammer and a fondness for clever puns I feel good getting the joke.
[/QUOTE]
It’s spelled grammar, sayeth the pedant. 
Back when telegraphy was still a viable means of communication (and message cost was calculated by the word), a writer doing a story on the actor originally known as Archibald Leach needed some basic background info. So he wired the thespian and inquired: HOW OLD CARY GRANT? The response: OLD CARY GRANT FINE. YOURSELF?
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton]
Another example from the same piece (harvard lampoon): George Bernard Shaw, inviting Churchill to the opening of one of his plays, joked, “Bring a friend, if you have one.” Churchill replied, “You and your play can both go fuck themselves.”
[/QUOTE]
The original supposedly went like this:
Shaw : “bring a friend, if you have one”
Churchill’s reply: “sorry, can’t make it on opening night. But I will come for the second performance, if there is one”
The greatest example of dry wit in cinematic history:
“You expect me to talk?”
“No, Mr Bond, I expect you to die”
I LOVE THIS and am so stealing it for future use.
I’ve told this before, but my inner Doper/Farker was apparent when I was a shy lass at about 16.
Flying by myself back to Detroit from Dallas, our plane was delayed on the Tarmac.
I was on the aisle. A Religous Kook in the middle and a business man on the window seat.
The captain had announced we were bajillionth in line for take off.
I made the mistake of making eye contact with the kook ( his docksiders, white socks,plaid pants and non-matching plaid blazer were the first tip off of Something Ain’t Right 'bout Him.)
Kook, " Have you found Jesus?"
Businessman dives behind the veil of his newspaper.
Me, very shy, " I didn’t know he was lost."
Several years ago, one of my coworkers at the Post Office was complaining about not being given enough time to deliver the full coverage sale papers that come out once a week.
Coworker (to supervisor) “You know, these advos don’t just fly out the window”
Me “They do if you open both windows”
Oh Boy! I get a real live chance to give forth with the dry, witty comeback and make myself the unrivalled wit and raconteur of all Dopeland…
[QUOTE=Starving Artist]
It’s spelled grammar, sayeth the pedant.
[/QUOTE]
My reply:
Blow it out your ass.
How’d I do?
If you want to see an entire movie filled with dry wit, rent Arthur. Sir John Gielgud as Hobson the servant goes through the entire movie firing dry wit at everything in sight, and it’s hilarious.
A couple of my favorite scenes:
Arthur: “Hobson, I’m going to take a bath!”
Hobson (reading the paper): “I’ll alert the media.”
After meeting Arthur’s girfriend: “How delightful to meet you! Usually one must go to a bowling alley to meet a woman of your stature.”
And Arthur himself was no slouch:
Woman: “Arthur, will you take my hand?”
Arthur: “That would leave you with one!”
Arthur: “She is quite beautiful when the light hits her just so. Of course, you can’t always depend on that light…”
[QUOTE=Baker]
I don’t remember what year it was, but David Niven was hosting the Academy Awards.
I was watching as a guy streaked across the stage. Laughs, gasps, and hooting from the audience, but Niven never turned a hair. He just looked after the guy and said something like (I’m quoting a very old memory) “You know, it’s sad when someone has to get attention by baring their shortcomings that way.”
[/QUOTE]
Similarly, when Steve Martin was hosting and Michael Moore went on his “Shame on you, Mr. Bush!” rant, Martin came back after the commercial to announce, “Isn’t that sweet…The Teamsters are helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo!”
Granted, Martin had time to think that up, whereas Niven reacted instantly, but the limo trunk remark is pure Martin.
Mary Tyler Moore Show: Mr. Grant, who has been stewing ever since Mary dared to suggest he might want to think about possibly losing a tiny bit of weight, muses, “Do you think one little carrot stick would put any more ugly fat on my body?”
“Not if you stick it up your nose.”
Fame (the movie): Ralph, the comedian, has bombed terribly at a club. Montgomery, the actor, goes into the dressing room and says, “Hey, you wanna get a pizza? We could split an Angie’s special – with anchovies!”
“Anchovies? Man, fuck anchovies – I fucking died out there and you’re talking about fucking pizza?”
“No, I’m talking about eating pizza.”
Now that I think about it, it seems that dry wit is most potent when it’s in reply to someone who’s all worked up.