Woah, hold on a minute…
[QUOTE=Count Blucher]
*Nobody will listen to/record my phone calls.
*Nobody will break the pictures of my kids that I’ll leave on my desk.
*No one will try to berate me for having good manners, since they will actually know what they are.
*No one will be confused by the concept of professionalism.
[/QUOTE]
Say wha?!? Is there a link for this? I’d search, but I’m lazy that way.
Put in your two weeks notice. Be entirely professional for the duration.
If they march you out the door, so be it. Consider it vacation, a chance to rest up, leave the dross behind, take a good hot shower to clean the shit of the old job off your soul and prepare for your new job.
Heck, if I was that happy to be leaving the place, I’d be laughing all the way out door if they escorted me out! Maybe even dancing!
I just figured out we can’t search anyway, tdn.
The last job I gave notice to was a sales position. They allowed me to gather my personal possessions then walked me to the door. Worked for me, all I had left at the office was my coffee mug. They paid me for the two weeks notice.
Kinda made me wish I’d said in the written notice that I was giving 30 days notice. Do you think they woulda paid me for the 30 days?
[QUOTE=Quartz]
Add me to the chorus of ‘Be professional’.
[/QUOTE]
Grabs hymnbook and stands next to Quartz.
I know it’s tempting, but don’t. Be the bigger person. A short, “I tender my resignation” letter is fine.
I would like to hear the details…spill!
I will second everybody’s advice, except for one thing:
[QUOTE=Chimera]
If they march you out the door, so be it.
[/QUOTE]
Bring in a boom box and a CD, so if they do march you out, you can hoist the stereo onto your shoulder, crank the volume, and strut rhythmically to the exit to the tune of “Jungle Boogie” or some other suitably funky number.
Hey, just because you’re being professional doesn’t mean you can’t do it in style.
Ditto again on being professional. Even if you are 110% sure you will never set foot in the place again, you just. dont. know. Offer constructive criticism - just like you were giving a person their annual review. Be professional, encouraging, and state the facts without being derrogatory.
Several years ago when I did this before moving out of Nebraska, I did just as I described above. I had mixed feelings at the time - I loved what I was doing but the pay was low and the office politics & gossip was unbearable. I did a lot of the elbow-grease work and my reviews were always top notch, but I was unable to go anywhere with the company and they were not surprised at all when I left after being passed up for a position that was given to someone who had numerous complaints of unprofessionalism by customers & once in awhile a coworker (I remember the woman getting in a verbal argument with a customer about being bitchy and whether or not she called the customer a bitch - it dissrupted about half the office). After being passed over a second time for someone just as bad as the first passover, I found a job within 2 weeks and gave my notice. I wrote the letter like an annual review, and I thanked them for the experience and pointed out my accomplishments, how I wanted to continue to grow (but found myself unable to get over the speedbump) and how X company would be able to provide that for me. I only spoke bad about the company and people I disliked under my breath.
A couple years later, a coworker left the <new> employer I was with and went to my old employer which had incorporated a referal program and he put in my name. I told him that there was no chance in hell that they would re-hire me even though I lived in a different state and it would be a different branch. About a week later the local manager was calling me asking me in for an interview. I went for curiousity purposes - heck, it wasnt even an interview! The manager asked me a couple of questions about my prev hisrtory with the company, called his boss (while I was in the room), said he wanted me hired ASAP. His boss gave the OK and they set me up with an offer that was hard to resist…Oh, and this time I moved up in the company a few times & they werent always so shitty to work for.
So, the moral of the story is - companies change, people shuffle around, and you never really know what the future holds.
Another vote for be professional, especially if you might need to use them as a reference someday.
Besides, you haven’t started your new job yet. Anything could happen.
Take the high road. The best revenge is living well. Etc. etc.
[QUOTE=Count Blucher]
. . .
Also, these are the same people who clearly delight in stealing ex-employees things, as I have been in many a team meeting where they’ll brag about an ex-employee’s “donations to the team”
. . . what’s left over are mainly foodstuffs like Milk and Equal (because the Bastards are too cheap to pay for it for the coffee) . . .
[/QUOTE]
Obviously you should have the milk (milk substitute?) and equal in the desk in quantity with a sign saying that these are your “Donations to the Team”.
And possibly cookies. It would let them know that you knew they would be rifling the desk and would show you as less cheap than they are.
[QUOTE=InappropriateHumor]
I just figured out we can’t search anyway, tdn.
[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I know. It was kind of a joke. But I’m really curious about some of the comments in the OP, especially the breaking of the pictures.
And listen, folks, we can give Count Blucher all of the high road advice in the world, but where is the fun in that?
Count Blucher, rotten garlic smells particularly bad. A few cloves hidden in his desk just before you tell him to fuck off might just do the trick.
Or maybe you could do something clever with two rats and a scorpion.
[QUOTE=Cervaise]
I will second everybody’s advice, except for one thing:Bring in a boom box and a CD, so if they do march you out, you can hoist the stereo onto your shoulder, crank the volume, and strut rhythmically to the exit to the tune of “Jungle Boogie” or some other suitably funky number.
Hey, just because you’re being professional doesn’t mean you can’t do it in style.
[/QUOTE]
Funny, when typing my advice, I had the song Walking on Sunshine in mind.
[QUOTE=Cervaise]
I will second everybody’s advice, except for one thing:Bring in a boom box and a CD, so if they do march you out, you can hoist the stereo onto your shoulder, crank the volume, and strut rhythmically to the exit to the tune of “Jungle Boogie” or some other suitably funky number.
Hey, just because you’re being professional doesn’t mean you can’t do it in style.
[/QUOTE]
This is one of the more funny and brilliant things I’ve read in a while! Hilarious!
[QUOTE=Litoris]
As for the Boston Steamer route – as much as you would enjoy it – and trust me, you would – it’s just not worth it. Let the suffering end when you walk out the door and don’t look back, you will be much happier. If, however, you really just cannot do that, feel free to let other companies with whom they do business know (anonymously, of course) just what a lack of ethics they have. Believe me, a few well-placed words do a hell of a lot more damage in the long run than shit anyday.
[/QUOTE]
(bolding mine) ARe you speaking from experience?
Job mobility is the norm these days. You can’t be sure you won’t work for or with the jerk you are fleeing, later on. That boss will have plenty of time to regret your absence. The next fool won’t be as good as you were.
On voice-mail: “Every minute in this job is like a week anywhere else. This is my two weeks notice. In two minutes, I’ll be gone.” 
Another vote for being professional. Your previous employer may be a turd but that doesn’t mean you should be one.
If there is no chance that they will listen to anything that you have to say, just tender a polite, professional resignation. Do not say one bad thing.
If you think that somebody might actually take some of your advice, present it in a constructive fashion, the way you would want to hear it if you were on the receiving end.
Either way go out as an adult.
There are a couple of reasons for doing it this way. One, frankly, is that you are an adult so you should act appropriately (we’re talking about your professional life here, not what you do in your spare time with your friends).
Two, you never know the next time you’ll meet some of those people again in your working career - maybe the old boss will get hired as the new boss at your new job and if he remembers you as the guy who called him a poo-sniffing goat felcher that may negatively impact your future.
Three, even if you don’t work with them directly again you may move in the same circles. Rightly or wrongly people talk, and you don’t want someone saying “Oh yeah, Blucher was the guy who took a crap in my mailbox the day he left.”
Years ago I worked at a major public utility. A guy left the support center for a better computer job elsewhere and decided that since he was gone he could express his pent-up animosity towards a former coworker (and her mom, also employed at the same public utility). Unfortunately the PU was the largest customer of the fellow’s new employer. Two managers called his new job and got him in horrific trouble - “Hi, I’m a manager at XYZ Corp, your major customer. One of your new employees is harassing several of our folks…” The guy was dragged into his (new) boss’s office, had to explain his behavior and apologize in front of everyone, he was crying, realized he might get canned from his nice new job in the first week, etc.
So celebrate, get tipsy, have a great roll in the hay, fantasize about all the stuff you’d really like to say to your old boss and just leave it as safe venting outside of the work environment. There is really no advantage to getting “revenge” when you leave, it won’t do any good and it may bite you in the butt later.
[QUOTE=Great Dave]
(bolding mine) ARe you speaking from experience?
[/QUOTE]
Not literally, but yes. I had one employer that was a micro-managing psycho. Seriously, he would go into my office and move files around, just so he could ask me later about something in said moved files to see if I noticed they’d been moved. He was a nutjob. The day I left, I tore him a new hole verbally. I lit into him like…well, like a whackjob, I’d just had it, ya know? I think I made up a few swearwords that day. By the time I was done, I was shaking and he was speechless. I believe that was the best I have ever felt about walking away from a job – it felt soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good to unload all that crap.
Interestingly enough, that man has offered me a job a few times since. He was calling me within 3 days of my walking out begging me to come back, because he realised just what he had screwed up (I had almost single-handedly increased the revenue of that company threefold) and was repentent as all get out. We are currently on good terms, not that we see/talk to each other much, but my experience was not of the norm, so I never recommend going out like that!
[QUOTE=Rick]
Two best resignations I have heard about:
[/QUOTE]
I’m voting for leaving professionally. Given this story, it sounds to me like Alma is Ms. Shit for Brains. I’m sure she had a good laugh, but the person who had to be called at the last minute to fill in probably didn’t. We only have her word that the boss was a jerk, but she was a jerk based on her actions.
I’d never hire her in a million years.
[QUOTE=InappropriateHumor]
The last job I gave notice to was a sales position. They allowed me to gather my personal possessions then walked me to the door. Worked for me, all I had left at the office was my coffee mug. They paid me for the two weeks notice.
[/QUOTE]
If you give notice, one of two things happens. They walk you out, and if you get paid for the notice you’re ahead. Or they may not, which means you can take it easy, since you can’t start anything. and no one can depend on ylu much.
I’ve only quit one job (not counting a buyout from another) but the best time I had there was the last two weeks. I left at 5 pm, not 9 pm, was actually more productive, and had fun not worrying about how the project was going into the crapper.
At my HR exit interview, I did mention how my boss had violated company policy, but I doubt very much anything came of it. I shouldn’t have bothered.
[QUOTE=micro-dust]
Do not give two weeks notice. There is no point.
Yes, they will not allow you to stay if you are going to bad mouth them to everyone else.
[/QUOTE]
Well there’s definitely reasons to give proper notice - whether it’s two weeks or some other amount of time. You’re giving the employer an opportunity to transition smoothly (by having you show your backup what to do, or document your processes or whatever) - whether they take that opportunity or not is up to them but at least your former coworkers can’t say “That jerk just didn’t show up one day and left us in the lurch”.
Often an employer will take that 2 weeks’ notice and say “Tell you what, here’s 2 weeks’ pay and you leave now” to avoid having a lame duck around the office. The worst that they can do is tell you to get out now which amounts to quitting on no notice but at least you did your part.
Even if my new job started “tomorrow” I’d notify the old employer as soon as I could.
Years ago I had a crappy, soul-sucking job with awful managers. I still gave them 2 weeks notice and left on good terms. Even though they may have deserved a big one-finger salute I figured that I’d rather behave responsibly for myself. How they choose to react is on them, not on me.
[QUOTE=Valgard]
So (snip) fantasize about all the stuff you’d really like to say to your old boss and just leave it as safe venting outside of the work environment.
[/QUOTE]
**Valgard ** has given me a great idea! Start a thread, giving details of the awfulness of working at your present employer, and ask for fantasy kiss-offs. Then you can print them out and you and your SO can act them out in your living room on your last day – it might be a great morale booster and get your head right for your new job.
[QUOTE=Voyager]
If you give notice, one of two things happens. They walk you out, and if you get paid for the notice you’re ahead. Or they may not, which means you can take it easy, since you can’t start anything. and no one can depend on ylu much.
I’ve only quit one job (not counting a buyout from another) but the best time I had there was the last two weeks. I left at 5 pm, not 9 pm, was actually more productive, and had fun not worrying about how the project was going into the crapper.
At my HR exit interview, I did mention how my boss had violated company policy, but I doubt very much anything came of it. I shouldn’t have bothered.
[/QUOTE]
In my experience the sales positions, or jobs in which you are privy to rate/product information, are the most likely ones to walk you out. They’re afraid you’ll raid the files, steal the clients and piss in their potted palms. (or whatever)
Otherwise, some of my fondest work memories are from my time as a short-timer. Nothing like day after blissful day just loafing at your desk. Plus, I could feel free to offer advise, even the unwelcome logical variety, since I wasn’t afraid of getting fired.
Overall, I always think it’s a much better idea to give notice and a civil exit interview. You never know if the complete bastard at current job is the new boss’s brothers best friend.
Sorry tdn. As usual, I wasn’t paying attention so was the only poor schmuck to miss the “search issue”. C’est la vie.