I write this in a self-induced haze of BBQ ribs, Veuve Cliquot, and the promise of sex awaiting me in just the next room. Yes, I have found a better job.
It is a good job with a small company with duties I can accomplish easily that is far less soul-sucking than where I worked today. Oh, and with a 10k increase in pay.
At the new company:
*Nobody will listen to/record my phone calls.
*Nobody will break the pictures of my kids that I’ll leave on my desk.
*No one will try to berate me for having good manners, since they will actually know what they are.
*No one will be confused by the concept of professionalism.
Yes, I’m leaving the payroll service CULT that I’ve been trapped in for low these many months. And I’d do it again.
The question is, though, just how should I resign?
Sure, eating White Castle and dropping some loose steaming cable on the head honcho’s desk sounds good in the movies, but in real life, not so much. I’m willing to offer two weeks notice, but there’s better than a 50-50 chance they’ll strong-arm me to the door once I submit my resignation.
Also, these are the same people who clearly delight in stealing ex-employees things, as I have been in many a team meeting where they’ll brag about an ex-employee’s “donations to the team” (Its the ‘Glengarry Glen Ross’ management style). I’ve already brought home most of my personal items; what’s left over are mainly foodstuffs like Milk and Equal (because the Bastards are too cheap to pay for it for the coffee) and oatmeal and cereal for breakfast.
Also, while I’d be willing to offer two weeks notice, there’s a 50-50 chance they’ll security walk me to the door once I submit my resignation.
If you really don’t care, why not see if you can get yourself fired? If it’s that kind of outfit, then who cares about them anyway? Plus, according to the HR stuff I get at work firing someone for giving notice is wrongful termination anyway. Give your notice and if they toss you file for unemployment. Fuck em.
I think the circumstances have to be totally intolerable before you should consider burning bridges. You never know what the future might bring. Take the high road and let them do as they see fit.
Montgomery Ward 1972. Personal manager was a a self important prick. A few minutes before store opening he would walk around the store with his copy of the schedule (looking so important) making sure there was somebody in each department before the store opened. This one Saturday he get to cosmetics and finds no one there. He looks in his schedule and sees that Alma is scheduled. Alma is the department manager. He picks up the phone, and tells the operator (in his I am so important voice) “This is Mr. Shit for brains (name changed to protect the prick) I need an outside line.” He calls Alma at home. The conversation goes like this
SFB: Alma, you are scheduled in, and you are not here.
Alma: Oh, Mr. Shit for Brains, didn’t I tell you? I quit last night.
SFB: :eek:
I love that woman. If I ever meet her again, I will buy her a drink.
#2 A cartoon. A guy is standing on a chair in front of the bosses desk. He is pissing on the desk. The boss says “I assume you won the lottery?”
When I quit my first job as an RN (University of Kansas), I wrote a scathing letter to the nursing director.
I’d worked there for ten years.
I don’t remember much of the letter, but one line was: “I’m tired of being driven like an animal and treated like an idiot.”
I was called into the director’s office, where she told me I must take the letter back, and write a nicer one. Otherwise, it would go into my PERMAMENT RECORD in Topeka.
Since I was moving to Seattle, I didn’t think it would be a problem. It wasn’t.
My bro was in a similar situation and when he got a new job, he was tempted but took the high road. He said when he told the mgr he was leaving, the mgr got a deer-in-the-headlights look in his eye—“This is where you flame me as I so richly deserve.”
Instead my bro had his full attention and said that he thought the place had potential but calmly enumerated some of the things that REALLY needed to change. The mgr thanked him and said he’d really consider it. Maybe as a result things improved a little for others who had to stay.
And as my bro said, “In this economy you just don’t know, a year from now or ten, if you’ll need a job and that guy will be interviewing you.”
If you have any important/incriminating/potentially inflammatory information on your computer, get it off of there before giving your notice. Make sure you have a (short, to the point) letter in hand specifying your notice before mentioning it; if applicable, send a copy to HR or whatever so they have a record of your resignation in case your boss tries to claim he fired you first. If possible, put your personal effects in a box or bag beforehand, to avoid issues with collecting them if you are marched out.
Ordinarily, I’m the voice of pure reason when it comes to giving notice. I’m definitely in the “don’t burn your bridges” crowd.
Ordinarily.
But sometimes you really need to blow that bridge if for no other reason than it makes it impossible for you to go back. And that may be a good thing. It’s hard to know right now whether that’s the case here, but after a roll in the sack and a night’s sleep, you may have a clearer picture. Meanwhile, you really should clean out your desk before alerting anyone to your intentions. If they don’t get the hint, that’s their problem. If you have any vacation time coming, now’s the time to take it.
Clean out the desk, give the notice like the professional you are. Getting walked out the door is not a big deal and is usually accompanied with a check for your two weeks. Getting fired for gross insubordination is less likely to be accompanied by such a check.
There’s no shame involved in being escorted out by security; it’s par for the course in a lot of companies. Be happy they consider you such a threat, and collect the pay for the two weeks you didn’t work.
Unless you can’t afford not to get paid for two weeks. USUALLY companies that walk you out pay you. But they don’t HAVE to. If you know people who have given notice and been walked before, talk to them about whether they got paid. If you think its unlikely that you won’t get paid and you will get walked - and you aren’t in a position to eat two weeks worth of pay, you need to look out for yourself - give notice as you leave your last day - write a very nice professional resignation letter letting them know that today was your last day. Thank them for the opportunities they have given you to grow. It isn’t as professional, but its what needs to be done to protect yourself.
Having been in your shoes at least once, my advice is to slowly clean out your area. Like one day, take home just the things *in *your desk. The next day, the things on top of your desk, and so forth, until you have no personal belongings at your desk. If anyone notices, just say, “yep, I have been cleaning out my area, the clutter was bothering me.” Act like nothing is wrong.
Just be prepared to be strongarmed to the door when you turn in your resignation. With a payroll company, that would be normal, simply because given the chance, you could really do some damage to them if allowed to remain. If you haven’t already got a starting date for the new job, let them know honestly that because of the sensitivity of the position you have currently, you may be asked to tender your resignation immediately versus working out your two weeks’ notice. They will likely understand and may be able to let you start working there immediately upon your resignation.
As for the Boston Steamer route – as much as you would enjoy it – and trust me, you would – it’s just not worth it. Let the suffering end when you walk out the door and don’t look back, you will be much happier. If, however, you really just cannot do that, feel free to let other companies with whom they do business know (anonymously, of course) just what a lack of ethics they have. Believe me, a few well-placed words do a hell of a lot more damage in the long run than shit anyday.
