Giving Notice to Really Bad Employers...

In My Humble Opinion
61

[QUOTE=Count Blucher]
I’m just wondering if I should report to corporate HR some of their highlights (like the ‘Jets vs Sharks’ slurs). It would have to go outside the branch though, because everthing that goes on there is with the full knowledge & laughing consent of the branch manager. There is a toll-free whistle blower hotline to corporate and it is very tempting…
[/QUOTE]

Having been down that road in the past…don’t bother. The management will all close ranks, call you a Big Fat Liar and walk away whistling and staring at the ceiling. It won’t make a damned bit of difference.

62

C’mon, Count, don’t you get a lunch break? We’re dying of curiousity!

63

[QUOTE=Rick]
Two best resignations I have heard about:

  1. Montgomery Ward 1972. Personal manager was a a self important prick. A few minutes before store opening he would walk around the store with his copy of the schedule (looking so important) making sure there was somebody in each department before the store opened. This one Saturday he get to cosmetics and finds no one there. He looks in his schedule and sees that Alma is scheduled. Alma is the department manager. He picks up the phone, and tells the operator (in his I am so important voice) “This is Mr. Shit for brains (name changed to protect the prick) I need an outside line.” He calls Alma at home. The conversation goes like this
    SFB: Alma, you are scheduled in, and you are not here.
    Alma: Oh, Mr. Shit for Brains, didn’t I tell you? I quit last night.
    SFB: :eek:
    I love that woman. If I ever meet her again, I will buy her a drink.

[/QUOTE]

I don’t see anything especially prickish in the alleged SFB’s behavior. What is wrong with making sure the store is properly staffed? Or where there other behaviors you’ve not told us about?

64

[QUOTE=ivylass]
C’mon, Count, don’t you get a lunch break? We’re dying of curiousity!
[/QUOTE]

I do, but internet access is not allowed for personal use on company property.

No, seriously. Anal much? Those people built the Plug… :frowning:

I came in today want was whisked into a branch wide company meeting before I could send the email. I brought coffee and a cup of crunchy granola cereal. BTW, the TV commercials are right: business meetings do sound better while crunching loud granola cereal. :smiley:

Still, it was better than listening to how we’d have to pay the highest medcal deductables possible next year unless we all completed smoking cessation, signed over all our medical records to their insurance provider, and started regular verifiable physical fitness programs that had to be signed by witnesses ( the documentatin of which would be subject to audit for up to 7 years).

Don’t you wish you worked there?

Afterwards, I gave my notice by email. I was walked into a backroom and asked why I was leaving. I was WAAAAAY nicer than they deserved by telling them it was a better paying job closer to home. I asked if I would be walked to the door.

“Oh, no. That’s only if you were going over to ADP.” (I could kick myself for not thinking to say “I’m being hired by ADP” !!!)

The rest of the day was ok. I did what I needed & no more. All my Outlook appointments were cancelling out one by one. (Imagine! :wink: ) Big Bad [del]Momma[/del] Boss called me in later in the afternoon; she wanted to know why I was leaving. I told her more money, closer to home with gas $3.25 a gallon, and more time off flexibility.

“What do you mean ‘more time off flexibility’? You can take your PTO.”
“Only if its triple signed ahead of time.”
“Thats just a formality.”
“And I can’t use it when my kids are sick.”
“Sure you can.”
“Oh no I can’t. Anything that isn’t signed for and formally accepted prior to that day I have been told is an ‘unscheduled event’ and I was specifically told in a back room that PTO is not eligible to be used in those circumstances.”
“Who told you that?”
“My supervisor, and in no uncertain terms.”

She thanks me and I left to finish the day. An hour after I left (at 6pm) I got a voicemail on my cellphone (personal use phone) from that supervisor. A client meeting that I had been told I should still attend tomorrow off-site will now have someone else standing in as a substitute. Someone who doesn’t know their set up, or the contact, or their history. But hey, whats a nose when you really need to spite a face, eh? :stuck_out_tongue:

[Del Vikings]
**Dom, dom, dom, dom, dom… Dom-be-Dooby…
Dom, dom, dom, dom, dom… Dom-be-Dooby …
Dom, dom, dom, dom, dom… Dom-be-Dooby dom
Wah wah wah Waaaaaaah…! ** [/Del Vikings]

65

Ah, resignations.

I’ve resigned from two jackass companies in the past. My first letter was something like:

That was it. The day after I delivered it, they sent over some corporate retention guy to try to haggle with me with better pay, benefits, hours… didn’t work. It reminded me of a yard sale.

The second was much more involved (and much more fun, as it turned out). I had absolutely had it with this company – it wasn’t a bad job, but management was beyond crap. We had zero communication, and were held accountable for things that no one even knew about. Overall, I’m pretty sure that just about everyone there hated the place, but for some it was the best they could get. I ended up getting fired for “attendance issues” (nevermind that I had never called out or been late – a fact that won me unemployment in the hearing); my heinous whore manager ended up being fired. :slight_smile:

In general, my advice is to always be professional, but I don’t believe in the “never burn bridges” advice.

66

Be professional. They may not deserve it, but you do.

A friend and former coworker quit about a year ago. No love was lost between him and the head of the department. Shortly after starting his new job, the ideal job opened up with a startup and he took it. Six months later, the startup folded overnight, and my friend is on unemployment with a track record of being a short-timer at his last job and with a troubled experience at the previous one.

Don’t burn bridges; you never know what will happen.

67

A long time ago I resigned by Fax, since I was a consultant and the office was clear across town. Now that guy was a piece of work, but that story doesn’t need to be told here.

He left me an angry voicemail telling me that I would not be paid for my previous week of work (though allegedly, for my two weeks notice period), at which point I let him know that this was illegal and that I would most certainly sue his ass off, not to mention simply walk off the job site that day and let the client know what had happened. All of a sudden, it became a “simple miscommunication” and no such thing would ever happen.

Yeah, you were pissed and you thought you could get away with it, didn’t you.

68

[QUOTE=Count Blucher]

She thanks me and I left to finish the day. An hour after I left (at 6pm) I got a voicemail on my cellphone (personal use phone) from that supervisor. A client meeting that I had been told I should still attend tomorrow off-site will now have someone else standing in as a substitute. Someone who doesn’t know their set up, or the contact, or their history. But hey, whats a nose when you really need to spite a face, eh? :stuck_out_tongue:

[/QUOTE]

I don’t really blame them. You could wander in there, and when they wanted to set up another meeting, you’d tell them that you’d be gone.

Anyhow, wouldn’t it be fun to know what the Big Momma said to your supervisor? Enjoy your paid more or less vacation at work.

69

[QUOTE=Count Blucher]
face, eh? :stuck_out_tongue:

[Del Vikings]
**Dom, dom, dom, dom, dom… Dom-be-Dooby…
Dom, dom, dom, dom, dom… Dom-be-Dooby …
Dom, dom, dom, dom, dom… Dom-be-Dooby dom
Wah wah wah Waaaaaaah…! ** [/Del Vikings]
[/QUOTE]

Wait, shouldn’t that be
[Neil Sedaka]comma comma down dooby doo down down…[/neil sedaka]

70

  1. Just give your two weeks’ notice. They can take it or leave it.

  2. If pressed for a reason for leaving, just say something vague; do NOT use a question like this as an opportunity to tell your former employers how to do their jobs better.

  3. Do not bad-mouth the company or anyone in it. However justified, it just makes you look petty and stupid.

Congrats on your new gig. Hope it is everything you want it to be.

71

Wow - I thought for a minute I had a date I forgot about! :stuck_out_tongue:
VCNJ~

[QUOTE=Count Blucher]
I write this in a self-induced haze of BBQ ribs, Veuve Cliquot, and the promise of sex awaiting me in just the next room. Yes, I have found a better job. :smiley:

It is a good job with a small company with duties I can accomplish easily that is far less soul-sucking than where I worked today. Oh, and with a 10k increase in pay.

At the new company:

*Nobody will listen to/record my phone calls.
*Nobody will break the pictures of my kids that I’ll leave on my desk.
*No one will try to berate me for having good manners, since they will actually know what they are.
*No one will be confused by the concept of professionalism.

Yes, I’m leaving the payroll service CULT that I’ve been trapped in for low these many months. And I’d do it again.

The question is, though, just how should I resign?

Sure, eating White Castle and dropping some loose steaming cable on the head honcho’s desk sounds good in the movies, but in real life, not so much. I’m willing to offer two weeks notice, but there’s better than a 50-50 chance they’ll strong-arm me to the door once I submit my resignation.

Also, these are the same people who clearly delight in stealing ex-employees things, as I have been in many a team meeting where they’ll brag about an ex-employee’s “donations to the team” (Its the ‘Glengarry Glen Ross’ management style). I’ve already brought home most of my personal items; what’s left over are mainly foodstuffs like Milk and Equal (because the Bastards are too cheap to pay for it for the coffee) and oatmeal and cereal for breakfast.

Also, while I’d be willing to offer two weeks notice, there’s a 50-50 chance they’ll security walk me to the door once I submit my resignation.

champagne swig

Any suggestions?
[/QUOTE]

72

I had a post a few years ago in which I detailed a way to get fired that can be adjusted and used as a 2 week long resignation letter. Frankly, I almost want a bad job situation in the future so I can use it. I’ll adjust it so it makes sense in this situation, but I think it would be a good way to have 2 weeks of subversive fun, cause some angst, confusion, and paranoia amongst the workplace, and leave no horrific lasting impressions.

For a prolonged resignation, try this. Think of a relatively long phrase that covers your resignation and maybe some reasons why it’s happening. Something like “This job is draining my will to succeed. I need a fresh start. I want to work somewhere that effort, skill, and desire are rewarded, not squashed like an ant on the sidewalk of life. That is why I am turning in my resignation effective in 2 week. Sincerely, Count Blucher.”

Then, start leaving pieces and parts of the message throughout the office. On a dry erase board in the conference room on Monday, surreptitiously write “This job”. Later that day, print out in large font “is drai” and leave it in the break room. Continue leaving bits and pieces of your message throughout the office. It won’t take long for people to realize a message is building. They will want to see more because it is an unknown sender and as the message becomes clearer, their curiosity level will skyrocket.

Eventually, leave the word “Sincerely” somewhere obvious on the morning of the day before you want your two weeks notice to begin. People will be searching for the next clue at a fever pitch. The next day, have a printed piece of paper with your name on it (in large font). At noon, stand on your desk, hold it above your head and start slowly spinning until your boss/security comes.

Tips:
Make the first portions of your message obvious and in highly trafficed places. Make the latter portions a little tougher to find. By then word of mouth will work for you.
Try white out on a bathroom mirror. Change someone’s screen saver to scrolling marquee. Arrange coffee cups in the break room. Most of all, have fun.

73

burn the building down a la Office Space

74

For a while I worked for a paranoid, hysterical, and abusive nut-job. She chased off one intern, who very nearly took her to court over her treatment. The intern complained to my nut-jobs boss before she left. Nothing happened. Latter I found a new job and gave her notice. After I was gone I wrote a letter to her boss outlining the abuse she heaped on me and the others in the office (I kept copious notes). Nothing happened. Finally the secretary gave notice, but went to the nutjobs boss and complained about her mistreatment before leaving. The nut-job was removed a few weeks later.

The moral I have taken from this is that complaining is good for the coworkers you leave behind.

75

They are entitled to the same notice they give employees when they cut them.

76

It was easier to be passive-aggressive in the past. I submitted my notice via e-mail. But what’s so different about that? This particular e-mail system, on the VAX, allowed delayed message sending. Again, so what? The message would be timestamped with the time you originally “sent” it, not the time it was delivered. So I sent the message the afternoon prior to our departmentwide staff meeting to be delivered about 10 minutes into the meeting. Heh heh heh.

I sat at what usually is the first seat to be called on in the meeting. For some reason, the anal-retentive micromanaging b-word chose to start at the other end of the room. I had to sit through 25 other people before I could slip the “two weeks notice” into the end of my report at the end of the meeting. The look on her face was priceless. Something slipped through her tight grips on the department, oh noes! She couldn’t prove to anyone that she hadn’t missed the message because she couldn’t ask the system operators to audit the message–she’d alienated them years before. Tee hee hee!

77

Someone working a crappy low-paid job in a second-rate radio station with which I was once affiliated quit, but not before leaving his own recorded version of a Merry Xmas seasonal promo in the audiocart rotation.

Nothing too terrible - it began like the others with sprightly Xmas music, then a jolly Santa going “Ho Ho Ho” for a few seconds before seguing into a fit of tuberculous coughing, followed by terminal collapse.

Just one of the simple joys of the season. :slight_smile:

78

When you leave behind your “contributions to the team,” put salt in the milk. And hot pepper flakes in the oatmeal. (Serves them right for petty theft!)

79

[QUOTE=Scuba_Ben]
When you leave behind your “contributions to the team,” put salt in the milk. And hot pepper flakes in the oatmeal. (Serves them right for petty theft!)
[/QUOTE]

Very Tempting! Especially given today’s addition. Ladies & Gentlemen, I give you The Refrigerator Police!!!

Excerpt from email #1 (from Branch Manager)

Excerpt from email #2 (from Lackey To Be Named Later)

Yes, these f-ckers are not only too cheap to supply milk or sugar for the coffee, but management is now actually actively supporting thefts by the favored flying monkees from the employees who actually do bring in their own milk and or supplies!!!

If only the ACLU hadn’t been castrated…because these people seriously need to be litigated out of their jobs. :mad:

PS- Equal distribution of space of one GE kitchen-sized refrigerator among 60 people. Isn’t that about the size of one juice-box per employee?

80

[QUOTE=Count Blucher]
but management is now actually actively supporting thefts by the favored flying monkees from the employees who actually do bring in their own milk and or supplies!!!
[/QUOTE]

Ok, ok, I’m not generally known for my subservience and willingness to go along to get along, so my ‘reply all’ response would be…(drum roll please)…

“Thefts of my personal property will be treated as exactly that - THEFT. Suggestions by Management or approved by Management that suggest that this kind of theft is approved by the Corporate Management will be taken into consideration should it become necessary to deal with such things.”

Then see how quickly Lackey is removed from RP duty and profuse retractions and apologies are made.