Thank you for that.
I clearly remember many of the public discussions about same-sex marriage arriving at pearl clutching and cries of, “What will I tell my children?”
I always wondered how tough it would be to say, “Well. These two people really love each other.”
[one more]
My wife’s employer has a ‘subsidiary’ food bank. A couple days before Thanksgiving, this year, (I’m pretty sure they ran out of freezer space, not demand) they gave every employee a pretty big frozen turkey.
Our Thanksgiving dinner was at a friend’s house. We simply didn’t need the bird.
So I drove over to the rescue mission (homeless shelter), and walked toward the facility, carrying that big, beautiful bird out in the open.
As I neared the shelter, a chorus of hoots, hollers, Christmas songs, bows, blown kisses, “gobble, gobbles” and “thank yous” came up from a crowd of shelter guests gathered by the building.
That gave me a pretty incredible buzz – maybe not entirely dissimilar (but a lot less sociopathic) than the buzz that some get by taunting, insulting, or taking the opportunity to lecture, “school,” actively judge, or condescend to some of the most vulnerable members of The Richest Nation On This Earth.
Different strokes …
Did you happen to note the reasons given for not wanting to use shelters?
Dance, beggar, dance!
No, strumming a guitar will do. 
Do you give a little extra if they wear a jester’s outfit? If they have kids, is it a plus or a minus if the parent forces them to sing and dance for you?
If it turns into a fair with street performers, that brings on a completely new perspective.
When you are homeless, everything you have, everything that you value you carry with you. When (if) you finally get into that shelter after waiting in a long line for hours, you are herded into a large room with everybody else, then you are assigned a mat on the floor that is wide enough for a single person to sleep on. You, and everything you possess and value are now somehow occupying space on that small mat…inches away from a bunch of people you don’t know on their mats. If you get up to go to the bathroom you can either gather up everything you own and take it with you, or you can leave it there on the mat. If you can fall asleep in that room, it is probably from total exhaustion, both physical and mental. Come morning, anywhere from 6 to 8 (if you are lucky), everyone has to get up and leave the shelter.
How many days could you go through that and maintain any sense of dignity?
I knew a guy who worked with the street people of San Francisco, back when I lived there. He would go out when the police got called – often with the police – and try to get the situation calmed, the people in need helped as far as the could be. He told me that a lot of those people are too mentally ill or addicted or traumatized (ptsd vets, a lot of those) or all three together, to be able to function at all in a shelter situation. At least out on the street you can retain an illusion of control and privacy, despite how dangerous it is, and exposed to the elements you are.
The smug can then say “they WANT to be out there, so why bother trying to help them?” No, they don’t want to be suffering the dangers and discomforts of being shelterless, but for them, it seems to be the best option available.
Also, let’s not conflate two overlapping but not identical categories, people without homes and beggars.
I rarely give money to beggars, but not out of any sense of moral superiority - far from it; I don’t care what they might spend money on.
Usually, it’s because I rarely carry cash, or I’m just not in the mood to be interactive with another person. I do applaud and respect those who do decide to give generously to others, though.
I keep spare dollar bills in my car to give to people asking for money, because I can’t be bothered to think of reasons not to.
This is a problem that will only get worse as time moves on. There is less charity in a cashless society, it seems.
I think the past few years has allowed a lot of people to show their real selves more openly now. Lack of charity for the wrong sort of people naturally follows that.
Being cashless means people have to make the conscious decision to carry cash to give to panhandlers and so many of the panhandlers are the wrong color, speak the wrong language, have long toenails, etc. Why would someone who only cares about themselves bother to make the effort to give their hard-earned money to losers?
I make the conscious decision to carry fives because you can’t buy a dollar burger anymore. I don’t care if five bucks is also enough to buy a cheap 6-pack of beer, shot bottle of whiskey or a pack of cigarettes. If I give away money, it’s no longer mine so I have no right to care what they use it for.
Actually, around here, the majority of the panhandlers I see are white males, mostly appearing middle aged. (Appearing, because I’m sure whatever has led to their begging is probably not an addiction to botox and retinol creme). I’m unaware of the status of their toenails.
I don’t give to panhandlers. It’s my money, and I donate to those causes that move me to give. My time and money are finite resources, and I get to choose how I give them away. I feel much sorrier for people living in Haiti, or some war-torn area, than I do for people holding a cardboard sign on a corner. Heck, I feel sorrier for homeless dogs and I do for most people in this country. So I carry pet food in my car and drive rescue dogs to their new homes.
StG
One young, brown skinned panhandler is enough to turn all the panhandler’s out here young with brown skin. Yavapai county is pretty racist.
I used to make the effort to carry dog food in my car to give to panhandlers, but so many other people feel like you do that I’m sure their pets have food. Instead of spending my limited resources on pet food that you will give them, I give them cash. Nobody stands on a street corner in triple digit heat begging without having a real need. IMHO.
Interesting (and possibly even relevant !) juxtaposition of the two topics … for those who’ve never heard of this cause:
The Street Dog Coalition provides free medical care and related services to pets of people experiencing, or at risk of, homelessness. Using a ‘One Health’ approach to street medicine, SDC cares for the lives on both ends of the leash.
It speaks to me, so it’s one I support.
This, to me, is another continuum. On one end is “You can’t even take care of yourself. Why on Earth would you have a dog?”
On the other end is “I can only imagine the joy and comfort that animal brings to you – loyalty, companionship, and reward in an otherwise extremely difficult existence. I get it. This is something I can help you with.”
Which is why I donate pet food to our local Meals on Wheels. The drivers know what their home bound clients need, and sometimes a pet is the only reason any of us gets out of bed in the morning.
We’ll be going to St Martin/Sint Maarten in January. There are very few panhandlers on the island, but there are stray dogs. The restaurants we frequent will bring scraps to the table if you want to feed beggar dogs. They say they’re going to charge for this and we happily agree. The charge never appears on your bill, though.
There was a panhandler we came to be friends with on the island. Once a year we’d hook up with him, share a meal, catch up, and give him some cash. The stories he shared were worth 100x the money we gave him. He’d stop traffic so we could pull out in return. He was a great guy and I miss him so much. (he died a few years ago).
I was thinking of this just yesterday. I was doing a grocery run, and saw my first bell-ringer Santa of the year. I always used to donate, but this time, well, maybe there were a few stray coins in the bottom of my bag, but it seemed insulting to grope for them. Beyond that I had a debit card and the store loyalty card which I keep in a pocket of one of my grocery schlepping bags.
I guess I’ll have to make a point to get some genuine cash for handing out.
My daughter likes to put together giant ziploc bags full of goodies for the people with signs at intersections, so I’ve always got a few in my truck to hand out when we go out and about. The current bags have hand sanitizer, a winter hat, a small water bottle, granola bar and small bag of chips.
I don’t typically hand out money to people on the street.