Go felch yourself, Regis Philbin

Why?! Why is this simpering nimrod still blighting the airwaves? If I hear that voice ratchet out the words “Izzatcha finahl ansa?” one more time, I’m going to find myself a clocktower and a rifle!!

Dear Mr. Philbin (hereby known as “Assmunch”):

Please do your country, and indeed, the world, a favor, by immediately finding a tall building nearby, hauling your lazy, pampered ass up it, and jumping off of it… I’ll be standing at the bottom with a tape recorder to capture that beautiful splortch sound as your hollow head slams into the by-then spike-strewn pavement and disintegrates into a million pieces.

By the way, you’re not fooling yourself with that “accent,” either… we all know that your voice results from the unfortunate removal of your genitalia by Ms. Kathie Lee. Speaking of whom, how DARE you form such an unholy partnership with such a creature and then force your tripe upon a nation! And how DARE you make it so appealing to suburban houswives that even my mother was taken in! I spit on you!

I would kick you in the balls, but as I mentioned, your evil, evil partner in profanity has already removed them after discovering you in her poor, dear son’s room squicking his hamster. Too bad that hamster (post-squick, may I add) is possesed of an infinitely higher intelligence, sparkling wit, and sense of style than you, you rodent-squicker.

	Sincerely,
	tiggeril

P.S. I’m your biggest fan! :rolleyes:

[applause]Hell yeah, tiggeril! I think I love you![/applause]
Excellent flame! I give it a 8.9! Damn, I hope I never get in a flame war with you.

Thanks, Monster… God, that show chaps my ass… I’ve never seen such a display of morons, fools, and spotlight hogs since I stopped watching The Real World on MTV. Ohhhhhhh… but that’s a whole different rant.
Must… control…the…rage…

Awesome rant! I give it a 9.1.

:: gets down on one knee ::

Will you marry me? Hope you don’t mind me being deaf from that explosion you set off in that other pit thread. :smiley:

:: note to self, never ever in a million years piss off Tiggeril ::

WHAT?! Speak up!! :wink:

Hey, butt out JBurton! I’m* the one making the moves here!

::sigh:: guess I missed out…oh well. Shit, maybe I should start a pit thread about this.

But what do you really think about Regis, man?

To be fair, he had to do the ‘final answer’ routine for legal purposes, since it is not a reflex game like Jeopardy, I guess.

Have you ever seen a dog shit on someone’s lawn? I think higher of that shit than Regis.

tiggeril:
I’ve got your answer. Lay off the sugar donuts and find the off button on your tv.

The sound of Regis’ voice activates my fight-or-flight instinct. I usually end up hitting “power” instead of the channel arrow, and hours later I find myself rocking back and forth in the fetal position with no recollection of drawing all those symbols on the wall with my own feces. At least I hope it’s my feces.

And what’s with the weird monochromatic fashion? How many poor Dads unwrapped “the Regis look” on Father’s Day and ran screaming from the room?

Maybe I’m bringing too much mental firepower to bear in the pit, but…

Is anyone forcing you to watch Regis?
Have you been chained down, like a Clockwork Orange and forced to see Reege do his annoying schtick?

Then change the fucking channel, you assholes! Don’t watch things that you hate. You got your 60 channels, you got your remote – go watch C-SPAN or something. Surely you’ve got something better to do with your lives than watch things you hate and then complain about it?

I swear, some people think the whole goddamn universe answers to their every beck and call.

“Oh, Yahweh, I hate this TV show. Would you please smite the host with locusts? Oh, and I need a refill of my Yoo Hoo.”

“Why, certainly, young one. Would you like anything else while my omnipotent ass is on the way to the kitchen?”

Whiny and self-centered, oh yeah, that’s what I look for in a mate…

I’m usually a big fan of “if you don’t like it, just don’t watch it.” It’s the best response to all those fuckwits who want to censor what they don’t understand.

I’ve never, not once, not ever sat through a Regis show, yet I can recite his schtick from memory. tiggeril’s point was that a) the guy is irritating in the extreme and b) the guy is fucking everywhere - you are innocently watching whatever and there is his annoying face & voice & commercials about him & news broadcasts about his line of men’s clothing. He is impossible to avoid.

Our only hope is that the American public & media get so disgusted with his success that they begin the process of tearing him down into an obscure player on Hollywood Squares. Before it’s too late.

I’m usually a big fan of “if you don’t like it, just don’t watch it.” It’s the best response to all those fuckwits who want to censor what they don’t understand.

I’ve never, not once, not ever sat through a Regis show, yet I can recite his schtick from memory. tiggeril’s point was that a) the guy is irritating in the extreme and b) the guy is fucking everywhere - you are innocently watching whatever and there is his annoying face & voice & commercials about him & news broadcasts about his line of men’s clothing. He is impossible to avoid.

Our only hope is that the American public & media get so disgusted with his success that they begin the process of tearing him down into an obscure player on Hollywood Squares. Before it’s too late.

clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap

Such style! Such panache! Such… ACCURACY!

Thanks for the laugh, tig.

E

I meant to mention this, but it seems I forgot in the heat of the moment… you see, my family is big on “family dinner”… and with “family dinner” goes “family TV.” So, I am stuck watching whatever my parents watch, and unfortunately, they happen to be fans of ALL game shows… I’ve had The Price Is Right, Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, and all the 80s game shows on TBS inflicted on me since childhood. Did I mention that I get yelled at if I try to change the channel? And, not to be nasty, mean, or bitchy, but you knew when you clicked on this thread that it would be something about Millionaire… could you please just let me vent?

Oh, and Monster… you WERE here first. ::wink wink::

Woohoo!

Magdalene, themy reply wasn’t aimed towards you, by the way, but I figured it best to quote an intelligent poster in making my rebuttal

::tosses Monster a cookie::

How’d you know I like cookies? And, got milk? (Sorry, I had to do it)

Amen.
Regis is , without question, the most annoying bit of cytoplasm out there.
Before you endorse changing the channel, may I say that yes, I have been coerced (family reunion togetherness pressure) to watch Millionare. Recently returned from a family reunion, tossed by grandparents, who LOVE this show. If I had left the room I would have been branded a pariah (although I sort of already am…)

Anyone else who has watched it… Notice how EASY the questions are? If this stuff is scaled to average intelligence, well, then I’m REALLY worried about the future of this country.

Just makes me wince when they miss the really easy ones.