…except for you Bob, I’m sorry. Please don’t take this personally.
Yes, yes, I know that I promised you divine love and a life of eternal bliss with me, and I really did mean all of it when I said it. But that was so long ago. I mean, we’ve both changed so much since then. We’ve just grown apart.
It’s not that I don’t love you Bob --as a friend that is, it’s just that I’m no longer in love with you.
Please Bob, stop taking this so hard. It’s nobody fault, really. These things happen. It’s not like we can’t stay friends. Tell you what, you ever need a miracle or somebody turned into a pillar of salt, you just give me a call.
ok, is this just a statement or something? I mean I’m not really understanding if you have a question, or just what the purpose is of this post. I’m not trying to be rude or anything, I would really like to know.
The real reason we can’t be together anymore is because he don’t take showers regularly
and you insist on putting your dirty socks on my counter. By the way, do you EVER think of doing the laundry, or cleaning the kitchen?
Maybe if you had put one bit of effort into this relationship I could have put
up with you forever. But after seeing your total disregard for my feeling, I now know it
will never work. You just don’t appreciate me anymore. I have needs!*
I once got a similar letter from God. He then sent me another letter a few months later. It turns out, he didn’t hate me, he just likes fucking around with me a lot. It’s loads of fun, cuz apparently I’m a good sport about it. It’s all one big practical joke.
Here’s the letter I got explaining:
*Dear Ron,
I know we’ve had words in the past and I told you I hate you, but that’s not true. The truth is - I GOTCHA! Oh my Me, you should’ve seen the look on your face! If I’d had a camera for that time I blew out your tire for no reason and then while you were changing it I made it start to rain! HAHAHAHA!!! And then, when I hooked you up with that Jennifer bitch and made you think she was all nice and sweet and she turned out to be Satan’s little sister! I really have to thank you for that one Ron, cuz ever since the falling out, Satan and I don’t have much to talk about anymore, but we both shared a good laugh over that whole Jennifer thing. Man, that was sweet. I can’t take all the credit for that though, it was Jesus’s idea.
Anyway, just wanted you to know I don’t hate you, you’re too much fun! Hey, just a little tip to show there’s no hard feelings: Watch out next time you go to that club downtown. I heard Jesus and Peter chatting and that hot blonde who gives you her phone number on the back of a comdom box - her real name is Stanley.
