I once got a similar letter from God. He then sent me another letter a few months later. It turns out, he didn’t hate me, he just likes fucking around with me a lot. It’s loads of fun, cuz apparently I’m a good sport about it. It’s all one big practical joke.
Here’s the letter I got explaining:
I know we’ve had words in the past and I told you I hate you, but that’s not true. The truth is - I GOTCHA! Oh my Me, you should’ve seen the look on your face! If I’d had a camera for that time I blew out your tire for no reason and then while you were changing it I made it start to rain! HAHAHAHA!!! And then, when I hooked you up with that Jennifer bitch and made you think she was all nice and sweet and she turned out to be Satan’s little sister! I really have to thank you for that one Ron, cuz ever since the falling out, Satan and I don’t have much to talk about anymore, but we both shared a good laugh over that whole Jennifer thing. Man, that was sweet. I can’t take all the credit for that though, it was Jesus’s idea.
Anyway, just wanted you to know I don’t hate you, you’re too much fun! Hey, just a little tip to show there’s no hard feelings: Watch out next time you go to that club downtown. I heard Jesus and Peter chatting and that hot blonde who gives you her phone number on the back of a comdom box - her real name is Stanley.