Goddammit, Mickelson! Are you TRYING to drive me nuts????

You know, I used to sympathize with you. I really did. I’m well aware of the titanic mountains of BS in professional golf (like, how Annika Sorenstam wins 13 tournaments in 2002 and gets maybe a 2-line mention in Golf Digest, but that’s another issue), and that you’ve been a victim of this more than anyone. I know as well as anyone that there’s absolutely no flarkin signifigance to the “majors” anymore, and no reason they should be called “majors” in the first place, and the idea that they’re “more important” than the others (like, oh, the one Steve Perks got the win of his life on) is moronic hot air spread by clueless dolts who’ve never hit a single ball in their lives.

And of course, I know that the butthead who first coined the expression “You don’t win the silver, you lose the gold” never won a single goddam blippin’ thing. Likewise, whoever came up with “Second place is the first loser” probably never even finished in the top 20.

You’re a great player when you want to be, and it’s entirely the fault of the astonishingly tunnel-visioned, “god”-creating media that you’ve never gotten your due.

But GEEZ, man, WHAT THE FREAK possessed you to make that brain-dead crack about Tiger Woods’ equipment? Sheesh, I don’t even want to know what orifice you pulled that out of. Why don’t you just go ahead and say it, “I’m sick of all you suck-ups covering him twenty-four-goddam-seven when there’s an entire PGA field you’ve ignored, including me.” At least it’s honest, and there’s a good chance someone will sympathize with you.

What you should’ve done (well before the Buick Invitational) is got down on your hands and knees and apologized profusely and admitted that you were high on fumes when you made up that trash talk from another planet. As it is, we had to sit through day after day after day of talking heads beating that early Rodman Award entry to death. Good lord, Ernie Els has been doing a Secretariat-at-the-Belmont-Stakes number, and all I’ve been hearing for the past week was “Is Tiger’s equipment inferor? We don’t think it’s inferior. Could it be inferior? Does he want it to be inferior?”

Bringing us to the actual tournament. You know, considering how your crack pretty much killed any possibility of any other golfer on the planet getting any press for the entire frickin’ tournament, the least you could do was give him a challenge. And after talking big, everyone was obviously looking to you to back it up. So what happens? Oh, of course, YOU ACCOMPLISH JACK SQUAT IN THE FINAL ROUND!! Goddammit! You are aware, of course, that this is exactly why Greg Norman (who has won more championships than you can even dream of) is considered to be the biggest joke ever to play the game, right? If you, oh, took advantage of your “superior” equipment and played a solid game…and the course didn’t look like a US Open monster to me, bub…you would’ve won, and that would’ve been a huge, huge boost to your credibility, to say nothing of the blessed relief those of us who are sick of Tiger coverage would’ve had. If you tied him at -16 but got killed in the playoff, that still would’ve given him a scare, and you’d have some redemption. Hell, if you finished -13 (that’s three under from where you started today, hardly an impossibility), that could’ve started up the “Mickelson always finishes second” blathering again, which STILL would’ve been a massive improvement over rolling over and dying!

Screw winning a major. You are parsecs away from that. Right now your top priority should be avoiding embarrassing brain-dead comments, making birdies, and getting in contention to win anything. You are the frickin’ laughingstock of the league right now, and worse, you’re not going to get a whole lot of sympathy from people like me, who are just sick, sick, SICK of all the coverage and all the news and everything in the goddam universe being about Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, TigerTigerTigerTIGERTIGERTIGERTIGERTIGERTIGER, which of course will explode exponentially now that he’s actually won the Buick Invitational and the Golf Channel has officially called him a god and he’s proven that He Can Win Anything Anytime Anywhere No Matter How Long The Layoff. (I am now rooting for him to never win anything else ever again, ever, which shows you how bad it is.)

Unfair? Of course it’s unfair. In fact, it’s ridiculous that someone with 21 wins (and a whole lot more 2nd and 3rd place finishes, which no one ever bothers to keep track of, of course) can be seen as a whipping boy and someone who will never win anything important. But flopping in a tournament you had to win is no one’s fault but your own. I just hope you realize when you see Tiger continuously rammed down your throat for the next 30 years or so, you had a chance to, just for one brief, shining moment, interrupt that flow and make yourself a factor again, and you freaking blew it.

Let me guess, DKW…you’re not a Tiger Woods fan?

You blast on Lefty for that long and don’t mention the man-boobs even once!? I’m shocked.

But I agree 100%. I’ve been a Mickelson fan for as long as I’ve been watching golf. I’ve also hated Tiger Woods ever since he won his first Masters and the hype machine kicked into overdrive.

Tiger’s a great golfer, but I still wouldn’t call him the best of all time, and my biggest complaint is that everyone on the PGA is such a wuss about taking him on. Guys are so complacent because they can make millions in prize money these days without ever winning a tournament. The PGA is too chummy. I want these guys to be competitors, damnit, not “Oh well, Tiger can win and I’ll still get a couple hundred grrr for finishing top 10”.

I’d still rather hang out with Lefty, though. I’ve never heard anyone say a kind word about Tiger’s off-the-course personality. But I’ve heard and read plenty of stories about what a nice guy Lefty is.

I look forward to events that Tiger doesn’t play in, because then I know I won’t have to see him wall-to-wall. Watching him blow people out is boring as fark. I love a major when Tiger isn’t contending.

As to the OP, I don’t think Mickelson meant anything by his remark, he was just saying that Tiger’s good enough to play without all the new juiced up technology. I thought he was trying to pay the guy a compliment. Tiger didn’t seem to give a shit, so it should have been a non-story in my book, but the press made something out of nothing.

Personally, I love that Tiger gets all the press. I love that all those rich, preppy, country club pricks can’t buy a fucking headline. Of course Tiger’s the best of all time, Elwood, do you know anything about golf? Who’s better, Jack? Tiger’s longer than him, a better irons player, a better putter and a better scrambler. He’s better in every facet of the game, and even Nicklaus says so.
If Tiger retired right now, he would have one of the greatest careers of all time, and he’s 28 fucking years old. His opponants aren’t bagging it, Phil’s not chickenshit, Tiger is just fucking better that’s all. Why the fuck wouldn’t the press cover Tiger? Why does Tiger deserve hatred for winning? What’s he supposed to do, suck on purpose so some other guys get some attention? Well, it’s not gonna happen. It;s the TGA now, not the PGA, and that’s just how it’s gonna be for the next fucking thirty odd years, so get used to it. Judas Priest, why can’t people appreciate a fucking virtuoso when they see one?

Sounds like ElwoodCuse is channeling Jim Rome:[ul][li]Referring to Mickelson as “Lefty”- check[]Refering to his “man-boobs”- check[]Referring to the prize money as “a couple hundred grrr”- check[/ul]Are you a syndicated radio host, Elwood, or do you just listen to him enough to pick up his lingo? ;)[/li]
Give yerself a tounge! Out! :stuck_out_tongue:

Yes, you got me, Scooby. I guess at heart I’m just another frustrated clone who can’t get his e-mails past T-Rodge. :smiley:

As for this: *Of course Tiger’s the best of all time, Elwood, do you know anything about golf? Who’s better, Jack? Tiger’s longer than him, a better irons player, a better putter and a better scrambler. He’s better in every facet of the game, and even Nicklaus says so. *

  1. Jack has still won more majors. Does Tiger have a good chance of passing him? Sure. When he actually does, then we’ll discuss best ever. Or maybe when he breaks Sam Snead’s record for all-time wins or Byron Nelson’s 11 wins a row (not starts in a row, WINS in a row).

  2. Tiger’s longer? Well no duh. Everyone in golf is longer now thanks to equipment. Can you imagine if Jack Nicklaus or Ben Hogan or even Old Tom Morris got to play with titanium clubs and composite balls and all this stuff they have now?

  3. TGA? Good lord, that’s horrible. How many times have people here said how sick they were of the New York Yankees? What drama was there in knowing the only way the Bulls wouldn’t win the NBA title was if Michael Jordan retired?

I want no part of the all-Tiger, all-the-time golf tour and I know I’m not the only one. Yes, Tiger does draw in people who would ordinarily never watch golf, but why do that at the expense of alienating the hardcore golf fan who does want to hear about Ernie Els and Phil Mickelson and Sergio Garcia? I’m not saying they shouldn’t give him attention, I’m saying there’s more golfers out there too and the hype around Tiger hurts more than helps, because it makes it so people don’t care about a tournament unless he’s playing.

I don’t know Elwood about alienating the hardcore golf fan. I consider myself one, and I have been following Tiger since he won his second amateur. I like Phil and really hope Ernie’s gonna be bringing it this year, just because I want someone, anyone, to challenge Tiger (well, except that tool Sergio). DtC I think had it right, watching Tiger is watching a virtuoso perform his art. Did you see that clutch 4-iron at 11? Or that un-holy 4-iron on 15 when he landed the ball in the only place on the green with a chance to stop it, then drain the birdie putt? All the while Phil’s making like a 22 handicap hack, where even Lanny says that Phil’s playing military golf, left, right, left? I actually feel kind of privileged to witness history in the making right now. Can Tiger win POY again, and the money title after spotting Ernie with two wins and $1.8 mil? I think this years gonna be something.

Regardless of who Elwood is channeling, this is the most brilliant thing I’ve read all morning. I almost spit out the water I had just sipped.

Truth be told, as I was watching the tournament, my mind drifted to a thread of yore blasting Mickelson’s man boobs. Oh, the humor!

So just to set the record straight, you’ll start to discuss Tiger Woods’ place as the best ever only when he breaks every record in PGA history?

I know that there is a big club of Tiger-haters, and they love to say how the old-timers would whip his butt if they only had the modern equipment, but I think this is the first time I have ever heard him compared to Old Tom Morris.

I agree with ElwoodCuse when he says “The PGA is too chummy. I want these guys to be competitors, damnit, not ‘Oh well, Tiger can win and I’ll still get a couple hundred grrr for finishing top 10’.”

Watch Tiger in a tournament. He never loses focus. His desire is to win win win. He IS a tiger out there, stalking his prey. The guy can, and has, been 12 strokes ahead of his nearest competitor and he’s still playing as if he’s one stroke behind going into the last hole. People like Vijay Singh, practicing drives for two hours every morning before even playing a round of golf, might (MIGHT) have more dedication, but no one out there has the desire, the absolute fire to win like Tiger does.
You know he goes home at night with the six point lead, the cash, and the trophies and still kicks himself for that one missed putt back on hole 7 because he knows he can do better.

He’s competing against himself because there’s no one else around to compete with. The PGA doesn’t need less of the Tiger, it needs more people like Tiger. The ones who cannot, will not settle for second place.

Oh yeah, and thinking of your thread title in literal terms of golf lingo gave me a chuckle.

I can understand the resentment that the media neglects other players, but I don’t get the hostility towards Tiger himself. Why should he apologize for winning. If guys like Phil, Ernie, Sergio, and Duval want a share of the limelight, they’re going to have to beat him. If they can’t beat him, if Tiger continues to show such an unprecedented level of dominance over the field, then he deserves all the press that he gets. I
I would also like to note that Tiger has never been anything other than courteous, complimentary and professional to his competitors. If I could play like Tiger, I’d be the biggest trash-talker in the world.

Duval has already had the limelight when he was briefly the number one player in the world, what, 2-3 years ago. It totally did not suit his personality and consequently his game went into the dumper. He’d rather snowboard now than play at the level he once attained.