I dont know. I’m not Christ.
I’m a worrier, too, so my household has rules so that the one at home always knows everything’s okay.
If you’re not going to be able to make it home on time, you call as soon as you realize it and inform the other person of that fact. At that point, you give an estimate of when you think you’ll be leaving. If you’re not going to be able to make the estimated departure time, you call again-- if you don’t know what time you’ll be leaving, you say what time you’ll call just to check in.
I think it’s very inconsiderate just to leave someone dangling, wondering if you’ve been hurt or you’ve just forgotten about them.
I’m surprised everybody seems to think I’m too clingy - if it was the middle of the day, sure, but I’d never call and call and call in the middle of the day. (Maybe once, to ask if I ought to start dinner or not, like if I had an actual factual need for information.) But almost nobody else thinks it’s cause for reasonable concern when people are three hours late at night? He definately didn’t think it was overkill, he was sorry he worried me and mad at himself for getting so drunk he doesn’t remember talking to me on the phone! It’s not like I call him every 15 minutes to find out where he is - I called him before I went to bed, to let him know I was going to bed and the alarm would be on (and to tell him the next installment in Tales of the Ghetto - my un-picked-up dishwasher has been mysteriously joined by a shopping cart) and I called several times once I woke up and realized he wasn’t there and it was almost 4:30 in the morning. I’m very surprised to see that people find that unreasonable. I’m not one of those women who keep a man on a leash, but when somebody disappears in the middle of the night I don’t think it’s unreasonable to worry about them if that’s not the sort of thing they generally do. In other words, his “sooner” has turned out to be “later” before, but not by three hours and not at 4:30 AM. Next time I’ll roll over and go back to sleep and he’ll probably have been eaten by wild boars.
Assuming we take the story as given (which is a courtesy generally extended here, since otherwise it’s just empty speculation), she called him at one and then again at three. That’s hardly “every few minutes”, and I think that two hours late is reasonable for a call when it’s that late.
I’m exactly like you, Zsofia. The number one issue my boyfriend and I had for the first year or so of our relationship was exactly that - I’d ask him to call me when he got home, he’d say okay, and then I’d wake up at 4 am freaking out.
He figured out to call me when he said he would, or just not promise to call me at all (that’s fine - as long as I don’t think he’s dead!) and I chilled out about it.
[sub]I still call his cell 5+ times when I’m worried. If he could hear, he’d pick it up, and if he can’t hear it, clearly I’m not bothering by calling again and again![/sub]
This doesn’t make sense. If he picked up once and explained, she wouldn’t have kept calling.
Exactly. I called him at 1 to let him know I was going to bed, I woke up at 3 and called again, then again at 3:15 or 3:30, then several times because then I was starting to really get worried at that point. I thought of the business phone at 4:15 or so. Before 1 I hadn’t spoken to him since we had lunch together, and before that, that morning when I woke up. I’m by no means a constant caller.
Ok, I started giggling at the phony British accent and full-out guffawed at your response to turn off his side of the blanket. And I hope you did. 
You were not being clingy, and I think there are a lot of people who apparently have a history of clingy partners in this thread.
What I do think is that it was the middle of the night and perhaps you weren’t processing completely that his response that his saying he’d be home “soon” when he’s gaming with his friends isn’t anything resembling the earthly definition of “soon”. It *was * inconsiderate of him, but it probably didn’t occur to him that you were even awake to be worried.
I’m reading your posts as y’all are living together. That implies a certain higher responsibility to check in with each other than just dating, so I really think people need to back off the “clingy” bullshit.
He maintains a place, but he’s over here every night. And I get the gaming thing - if it hadn’t been Axis and Allies I’d have been there. If they hadn’t been drunk as little skunks he’d definately have called when he realized they were playing the damned war in real-time.
I did turn off his half of the blanket, but it backfired on me when he crawled into bed with his cold feet.
Huh?
In other words, I agree with Giraffe.
Only once.
We have a single friend that owned a jet ski. We used to go jet skiing with her at least once a month. We would all meet at my house, and caravan up to the lake. (My house was between her’s and the lake). We always met at my house and went from there.
Anyway this one time I spoke with her on the phone, and she said she was leaving in a couple of minutes. She lives about 15 minutes away. An hour later she had not shown. I had called her house several times and go no response. Thinking she was having trouble getting the trailer hitched to her car, and because there is no phone in her garage, I drove to her house.
Gone, empty, nobody home. 
I drove back to my house paying very close attention to the canyons off the freeway for any evidence of a car going off the side. I even stopped at one, due to some debris by the edge of the road. No sign of her.
At this point we shrugged our shoulders and changed out of our suits and went about our day. I could not help but wonder just WTH was going on all day.
That night about 5PM I drove back to her house, and she still was not home. I spoke with her neighbor, who had seen her drive out in the AM. I told her that if my friend showed, to ask her to give me a call. Again on the drive back, I looked at all the places where the car could have gone off the road.
About a 1/2 hour after I got back home I get a phone call. She had left her house as agreed, but for some reason, decided to drive straight to the lake, instead of stopping at my house which was SOP. Needless to say, I had left my crystal ball at the office, and had no clue as to where she was. Did I mention she is a blonde?
I had been quite concerned.
The difference between my case and the OP, was I had a specific appointment, not a I’ll be by later. In the case of the OP, I would have thought to myself that the game was taking a lot longer than estimated, and rolled over and gone back to sleep.
But Giraffe. seemed to be suggesting that the SO ignored the FIRST call because of not wanting to look henpecked. As Helen’s Eidolon points out, that doesn’t have anything to do with the later calls. Do you really think calling around 3 AM when you expected someone home by 1:30 AM is clingy?
I’m don’t think you were clingy, it was the middle of the night, and you were expecting him. And it was your house, not his, I don’t think it’s unreasonable want to know when he was going to be there, plus or minus 2 hours. To me, it kinda sounds like when he said “soon” at 1am, he didn’t really mean soon. If he wanted to have the option to stay out all night, he should have just said he might stay out all night. And I’d say the same thing if the genders were reversed.
You might want to try doing the “I’ll call you when I’m leaving” arrangement, so that if he hasn’t called, you know that he’s not on the road yet.
He doesn’t owe you constant updates on his whereabouts. He’s your boyfriend, not your son.
Well, his “soon” can be flexible - sometimes he means now and sometimes he means in an hour. That’s why I didn’t wait up. But an hour or so is about the limit to “soon”, even for him. He didn’t not call me because he didn’t want to be henpecked (trust me, the current world champion of henpeckers was there, not because she really wanted to play Axis and Allies but because her boyfriend had better not do anything without inviting her. I know from henpecked, and so does my BF.)
Yeah, well, I like to know that everyone in my life isn’t dead - boyfriend, roommate, heck, even aquaintance - if they say they’re going to call or show up at a certain time and then don’t, I get worried.
This is bullshit. We worry about those we love. If I told my fiancee I was going to be home by 1:00 and wasn’t there by 4:30 and he didn’t call me once? I’d be a little dissapointed he wasn’t at all worried.
Honestly, the clingy comments on this thread are ridiculous. Methinks some people might be projecting a bit. There is nothing at all unreasonable about being worried when your partner is over 2 hours late in the middle of the night! Jesus!
I remember one night several months back Mr. Lezlers was going down to San Francisco to party with some of his buddies. I asked him if he was coming home or staying the night down there (I’d much rather him stay the night if he’s out with these guys who always get shitfaced). He insists he’s coming home, he has to work early in the morning. I tell him fine, but please call if he changes his mind so I don’t worry, no matter what time.
I go to bed around midnight and take the phone with me so I can pick up if he calls. I wake up at 6:00 a.m, look over, he’s not in bed. I check my phone, no missed calls. I start to panic. After all, he agreed if he was going to stay over he’d call no matter what time! I get up and call his cell phone. It’s turned off. Now I start to panic. It was raining the night before. He’d been drinking. It was late. I was conviced he was splattered flat somewhere on Highway 101.
He rolls in a couple hours later wondering why I’m so pissed. He decided to stay over with his friends. Why didn’t he call and tell me? “Well it was late, I didn’t want to wake you.”
Gah! :mad: After a good hour or so of yelling, he finally got it in his head I’d rather be awakened than worried to death. Geez.
So, Giraffe, was I being clingly? ** Dr. Rieux** Did I not have a right to worry about him because he’s not my son? :rolleyes:
No, if you had called a million times, that’s clingy. Yelling at a guy for an hour makes you more of a shrew or harpy or something.
Clingy? Bullshit. When someone says they’ll be home and they aren’t hours and hours later in the middle of the night with no call, that’s just really rude. I would have been worried too.