Frankly, any guy who pulls that shit with me more than once wouldn’t NEED to duck my phone calls. Win-win all around.
I’m still waiting for one of the “clingy crew” to explain why he couldn’t pick up his fucking phone and say “we’re still playing, I’ll be home late, don’t wait up.”
Now, wouldn’t that be easier and more straight forward than ducking her calls like a flippin twelve year old and letting her think he’s dead in a ditch somewhere?
And she’s supposedly the one acting inappropriately?
Jesus.
Because that conversation would have translated to, “Ok, so when are you coming home?”, in which he’d again say, “I don’t know, soon”.
Guess who’s getting another call in an hour?
cell phone = electronic leash
Except you forget that her only purpose in calling him repeatedly was because he wasn’t answering his phone and she thought something happened to him.
She was calling to see if he was okay, not to see what time he’d be home. That’s the thing I think a lot of people are forgetting, here.
Works for me; I don’t wear a leash. Which is not to say I’m not considerate and try to call, because I do. But, shit happens. I don’t need to be screeched at when it does.
The OP’s boyfriend is an inconsiderate lazy asshole. Those who say the OP is clingy are assholes too.
You know what? She had every reason to be worried. Shit happens… like a couple of weeks ago this happened to my brother’s friend, who was driving home to his wife one night after work and never made it home…
I can just imagine my brother’s friend’s poor wife waking up at 5 am and seeing that her husband wasn’t home and worrying. It’s rude and just plain lazy and mean to NOT be dead and to make your loved-one worry like that. A simple phone call is a small effort to make so as not to worry your loved-one. If you can’t be bothered to do that, then you’re an asshole, plain and simple.
Nobodys forgetting anything. It’s obvious she’s a worrying excessively, and if she got a hold of him, it would again have reverted to what time he would be coming home.
If it was Axis & Allies, it was entirely unreasonable for the OP not to expect her boyfriend to be 5 hours late in the first place. All further troubles stem from this first mistake. 
An older friend of mine woke up one night to find her husband not in bed. She went down to see if he was asleep on the couch or something, and he had died of a heart attack.
Imagine how I have panicked every time since, when I have waked at 4, or 5, or 6 am, and my husband has not been in bed? I have rushed downstairs to find him sitting bleary-eyed at his computer, working from home, having lost track of time entirely. He has occasionally done this at work also…gotten into a programming problem, and totally forgotten the time, since it’s basically dark, and quiet, and he’s submerged in code. I panic, waking up alone. He has never once been dead. But that doesn’t stop me from having that sudden jolt of fear.
But I must agree, knowing it’s Axis and Allies, I would not have assumed that ‘soon’ meant ‘any time before 6 in the morning’.
I understand that, and I’ll be the fallout asshole because this question needs to be answered… If something has truly happened to the OP’s SO, what could she do by ringing his cell 9+ times? If no one answers, what’s the obligation to keep calling? If something has happened, that’s sad, but what could she do? If something happened to him, he is not going to answer to say that he died.
If I had to take a guess it’s because she would have gotten pissed off that he was out having fun without her and she would have started whining or doing that stupid passive aggressive shit most women do when they feel like they’re not getting enough attention. Telling her “soon” keeps her placated long enough for him to go back to what he was doing with a clear conscience and avoid a blow-up when all parties involved are likely tired and cranky.
Not saying it’s the smart or wise choice, just saying it’s the likeliest possibility.
And honestly, anyone who starts seriously considering calling hospitals after a couple hours, or calls more than twice (on a cell phone, where you will see a record that someone has called) is going overboard. Even if something happened, what the hell could you possibly do? Are you a paramedic? Are you a cop? Are you a superhero? 99% of the time the answer will be ‘no’ and there isn’t a damned thing you really can do, so you might as well try to get some sleep and either kick someone’s ass or worry about where they are in the morning. If something really did happen, you’re damned straight the cops are going to see your number listed for the past 20 entries on their call log and give you a ring to see what’s up.
Exactly what I was thinking. Based on the description in the OP, I assume he said whatever it was that would get him off the phone the quickest, without having to explain himself. I’ve dated clingy, and I’ve dated “You’re going out with the boys? Have fun, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Guess which was the healthier relationship?
In short - add me to the “Giraffe nailed it” list.
Misogyny: not just for men anymore.
It comes down to what kind of expectations people have of each other. I’ve been married for 5 years, and we have an established pattern of letting each other know what’s going on when we aren’t together. We call each other if we’re going to be late–always. So if my husband says he’ll be home soon (I would generally ask for clarification on that, btw, just so I wouldn’t worry) I expect him home in a hour or so. If he isn’t, yes, I’m going to worry. If the situation were reversed, he would be absolutely panicked if I was an hour late late at night w/o calling him; because that would be completely out of character for me. In fact, if I’m two hours late and haven’t called, you can bet something has happened to me because I’m not inconsiderate enough to do that to the people I love. Your bf should have called, Zsofia, if that’s how it works in your relationship. Some of you seem to prefer relationships where no one cares where the other person is or if they’re okay or not, but not I.
Yeah, in the case where you both have agreed that a certain course of action would be followed and it hasn’t been (when it usually is) being ticked is perfectly within reason.
Huh? How is this about ‘trust’? If some yahoo crosses the lane and hits you and kills you, how could you possibly be ‘trusted’ to avoid that? I’ve heard other men say that ‘trust’ thing and I think it’s goofy. Unless you’re surrounded by a magical force field, things can happen to you that you have zero control over. Including aneurysms and heart attacks.
Well, I’ve got news for you. Someone’s presence at home or even in your bed doesn’t guarantee they are safe. A cousin woke up one morning to find her husband (guy in his early 40s) had died overnight in bed beside her. He’d thrown a cholesterol clot and had a massive heart attack.
Life can sock you in the chops no matter how safe you try to be. You can worry about it but it doesn’t help. But yes, if someone has an agreement to let you know what’s up, the person should honour that where possible. But you both must agree to it in so many words so you each know each other’s position.
If I thought this poorly of my own sex, I’d get the hormone shots, the counseling, and then go to Sweden and buy myself a dick.
And so now we’re supposed to believe he ducked her calls for 3 hours and she’s the passive aggressive one? Huh?
Apparently, I would fall in the “harpy” camp, not the “nag” camp, because if a guy did this to me, I wouldn’t be calling him every 10 minutes, but I would sure as hell rip him a new asshole when he got in.
When someone isn’t home two and a half hours after they said they would be and can’t be reached by phone, that’s worrying excessively? When can someone really worry, then? 24 hours? 48 hours?
I’m not entirely sure what point you’re trying to make. If you think I don’t know this can happen, well…I’d have to be pretty young, to not be aware. One of my cousins died one night in his sleep, at about the age of 40. Massive aneurysm. Found dead in his bed by my grandmother, for whom he was a sort of live-in caregiver.
I’m talking about the moment of panic, when you wake up and your expectations - yes, ones agreed upon in advance, or developed over years of living together - are suddenly shaken. The person you expect to be there isn’t there. Do you think the average person would shrug and say “Oh, well, if the person I love is dead, the police will call me, nothing to worry about…” and just roll over and go back to sleep?
I’m not saying that finding out the person is actually safe, justifies an hour-long yelling spree. I don’t know that yelling implies a parent-to-child relationship either. I DO know that people who have experienced anxiety and fear, tend to yell when everything turns out okay, to release that tension.
I have certainly rung my husband’s phone several times in succession. There are reasons he might not answer: maybe he can’t reach it at the moment because he’s driving, maybe he’s out of his office and doesn’t hear it right now, and won’t think to check it when he comes back. He’s dropped it and if I ring it long enough, somebody will hear it and pick it up (had to do this with my own lost phone once). Maybe I just want to talk to him and not his voicemail. There are reasons, and they don’t necessarily imply clinginess or control, just a particularly urgent need. The devil is, as they say, in the details.
Wow. So… I guess I won’t be getting any sleep tonight. :smack:
With regards to this thread, I think it’s colossally stupid that the OP is getting attacked for being clingy but so many seem to think avoiding someone’s phone calls is good, healthy relationship behavior. If the OP is in fact clingy (for the record: not buying it), and the boyfriend is in fact so annoyed by her thousands of inquiring calls, he either has the responsibility to talk to her about it in hopes it will change her behavior, or leave her ass in search of someone more mature, NOT behave like an equally immature stupid little kid. If he’s still in a relationship with a dumbass, it’s on him–no free passes to blow her off. (The same would, of course, be true for the woman. My point is, the excuse “he of course would do this immature thing because she did this other immature thing” does not fly.)
Having said that, nothing in the OP suggests that she is immature or clingy. At best it was a miscommunication. At worst it was just another symptom of his lack of respect for her. Which of the two it is is for the two of them to sort out.