Goddamn Office Fridge Nazis

This is what I don’t understand. I did a lot of fridge cleaning at my last job (always with notice) and threw out a lot of stuff that I kinda thought people should have labeled or taken out of there instead, but I would never have thrown out something that was a condiment and not expired. I’m sure the excuse is that the fridge was so nasty they threw everything out, but it just sseems silly not to check an expiration date.

Total hijack, but since tremorviolet started on the Office Fridge Nazi rampage I’m going to coattail my own remonstrance onto it.

We’re in an old building right now, and while there are various semi-official communal fridges in use (usually, an old beer fridge or inherited from someone’s dead mother), most are packed full of decayed food that apparently belongs to retired/deceased/convicted/vanished former employees. Since the fridges don’t actually belong to anyone in particular there’s no motivation for anyone to clean them out, and they’ve accumulated like dustbunnies under the oven. No big deal; people buy personal fridges for their own offices and use that. Eventually, of course, someone has to deal with the Problem of Accumulated Refrigerators, and since we are to be moved at the beginning of next year (into a much smaller and likely to be incomplete building) the Event Horizon for Refrigerator Elimination is approaching asymtopically. (You can expect a mass and totally unforeseen invasion of Refrigerator Gods any day now.)

Anyway, to prevent this problem in the future, we have been instructed in no uncertain terms that in the new building personal or otherwise unapproved refrigerators will not be permitted. Instead, a single refrigerator in the breakroom will be provided by the company. One reefer. For 200 people.

Corporate accounting math. Go figure.

As an aside to the discussion of thermodynamic modification apparatus, we’ve also been instructed that we are not permitted to have in our “work areas” (a discription that tap dances like Fred Astaire around our move from relatively spacious private offices connected by common bays to 12 cu ft of personal space two-man cubicals) any of the following items: refrigerators, microwaves, toaster ovens, hot plates, coffee makers, heating pads/coffee warmers, water coolers, “food storage devices”, thermoses, metal silverware, porcelain diningwear, living plants, radios, headphones, et cetera, ad absurdum.

The coffee maker thing seems to be a particular sticking point for the habitual coffee drinkers, of whom I do not count myself in their ranks, but am a member of the minority who abstain I still recognize the difficulty this puts to the ranks of the addicted. It was suggested, by management, that employees could, if they so wished, pool funds to purchase a communal machine to be located in the already diminutively-sized break room for common use, a solution that suits everyone about as well as a high school prom dress fits a 40-something suburban mother of three. From my position of relative insouciance it is somewhat amusing and occasionally disconcerting to see each side arming up for conflict on this issue. On one side we have the Corporatists, the other the Coffeeists, and the third Fifth Columnist Anti-Francoists. What?

Comparing corporate management to genocidal fascists may be hyperbole, but I sometimes wonder just how exaggerated it is.

Yes, here at Whitey-Tighty Defense Systems we are doing our utmost to see that your hard earned tax dollars aren’t wasted on frivolity like working weapon systems and high-explosive armed dolphins. We’re maintaining peace and protecting the environment by squandering your billion dollar defense budgets on arguments over coffee. Top that, Union of Concerned Scientists!

Stranger

Well, Stranger, the first thing that would go into my half of the cubicle would be a dead plant. But that’s just me. :stuck_out_tongue:

I like your style!

No headphones?? I can see them being able to make a case for most of the other stuff 'cause they involve either food, heating elements, or a fairly heavy electrical load (still remembering the time my forbidden space heater shorted out half the office :o ). But I can’t see how you can make any case against headphones. Dude, it’s totally time to start looking…

The “pizza” watched, trembling in fear as “half full dips” were thrown out. Chills ran up his spine when his friends the “drinks” and the “half eaten sandwiches” were unceremoniously kicked into the trash.

And then came the final blow of terror came when the “pizza” watched in horror as his brother the “Soggy brown salad” fell to the floor dead. That was what “petrified” the pizza turning him into a stiff crust!

My former employer had one fridge in the “big” break area, next to the “big” vending machines. It had a sign that read “All items will be cleaned out every Friday at 4:30PM”. I can’t remember a time that it ever actually was. And the best time was when Market Day stuff got delivered and the freezer got stuffed with boxes of frozen comfort food.

But I don’t care that much, especially now, as I have been RIFed.

(1) Leaving shitty food in a refrigerator that has a designated Fridge Nazi.

I totally side with Fridge Nazis on this one. Any unlabeled food should be assumed to be total pieces of shit, and tossed without any warning.

(2) Leaving unspoiled food in a refrigerator that has a designated Fridge Nazi.

I’m still on the Nazi side of this one, but not by much. Come on, designated Nazis are supposed to realize that that jar of mayo has been there for less than a week, or that this pizza box has been there for more than a week. But still, it’s their decision to make.

(3) Leaving shitty food in a refrigerator that does not have a designated Fridge Nazi.

I’m with the food owners on this one, but not by much. The basic premise here is that without some sort of authority, one man’s trash (cold, dry pizza) may be another man’s treasure. As much as I hate moldy, leaking containers in a public fridge (it’s not your personal fridge, slobs, clean up after yourselves), I’d say that people should keep whatever they want.

(4) Leaving good food in a refrigerator that does not have a designated Fridge Nazi.

I believe this is where the OP fits in. There are few things I can stand less than goddamned self-appointed Fridge Nazis who make an effort to shit things up for everyone else. Holy fuck, if I caught someone throwing away my otherwise perfectly good jar of mayonnaise because they needed some fucking room for their own food, I’d fucking crack it over their skull.

Not literally, of course, but that’s how I feel.

That’s why you have corporate use condiments. We have mayo, mustard and ketchup and salad dressings that anyone can use.

We clean out our fridge every Friday, but if you want to keep something all you gotta do is leave a post it note on it.

Of course, nothing is worse than the damn office fridge theives. Stole my Lean Cuising chicken seasame the other day. :mad:

We have rotating teams of Fridge Nazis. People were leaving meals in foam containers for days on end. If we had waited a couple more days, the meal would have evolved enough to go looking for its owner.

My team got the duty week before last. It was 4:45 on a Friday. Nearly everyone had gone. I open the fridge to see a full Chinese meal in a foam container (it had to have been purchased earlier in the day). No name or markings of any kind.

Out it went. Heard nothing the following Monday.

Everybody knows to have their stuff out by Friday.

Our department director went totally mental when she saw the state of the fridge about 6 weeks ago. She threatened to have it, the microwave, the vending machines, and the coffee makers removed if we didn’t get our shit together. She’s the type who’d do it, too.

Her point was that you shouldn’t even bring more than one day’s lunch stuff to work.