You know, I thought the one wee tiny bit of good that might come of this complete shitstorm of a week was the unity of the world, of the United States, of people coming together and caring, for at least a while, about the things that really mattered instead of other crap like shark attacks and road rage and whose slice of pie did mom cut bigger and all that. And I did feel that. And it helped.

But you know, I don’t feel that way anymore. I’m not watching the news anymore. Not because I can’t bear to see a repeat of the images or hear any more tragic stories of loss. It’s because I can’t stand to hear my fellow Americans say stuff that sounds (to me) so morally wrong, so bereft of good world citizenship and common fucking sense.

I realize not everyone will agree on what we should do as a world or a nation to retaliate. I know not everyone is a huge pantywaist pussy pacifist like I (to my utter shock) have become. But this is not a time when I want to feel dissent. I don’t want to feel disappointed in people. I don’t want to cringe at what some of my friends are saying. I wanna go back to just feeling thrilled with their blood donation and vigils and caring for each other. I guess I just hate that the aftermath is going to bring emotions that are so different, and lead us all down different paths as our opinions diverge. Hell, I almost wish I was on the “Kill 'em all, let god sort 'em out” bandwagon just so I wouldn’t be feeling bad right now. One of my sweetest, kindest, most loving friends, very religious and also a therapist fer chrissakes, has said some things this week that have irrevocably altered my opinion of her. I didn’t want that to happen!!

So fuck. That’s all. Just fuck. I feel like something very beautiful just died. Yet again.

I sympathize, muchly. I’m firmly for retaliation, but without any thrill attached. I’m pro death penalty, but I derive no joy from it, merely quiet relief.
I’m offended and wounded that so many people have blood fever, wanting to destroy total strangers halfway around the world. I’m hoping this is an instinctive response to deep wounds of the national psyche, which can and will heal.
I jumped all over another poster, who was almost hysterical in reaction to these same idiots, as being a major over-reaction. I’m also offended by the thread about non-pc suggestions for retaliation so much I started reading it and had to quit. I’m just too sensitized to want to witness even the words of pain and destruction. So I’m with you. All the way.

I’m hoping sanity returns, soon.

Please try to remember that people can and will say things under the influence of extreme emotion and stress that they really don’t feel in their hearts once they get back to being rational again. I hope your friend comes to herself and I hope you can forgive the things she’s said in light of the times in which she said them.

My own dear mother is a sensible and kind woman who taught me the Golden Rule and instilled in me a firm sense of right and wrong. This woman, the one who dragged me to church every Sunday for as long as she could, who encouraged me to be my best and shamed me into repentance when I wasn’t, that woman said things to me this past week that were so vile, bigoted, and hate-filled that I wasn’t sure it was actually her talking. She’s coming out of it now, but it’s still shocking to me how much something like this can affect someone emotionally.

Hey, thanks.

I was just talking to my dissertation coach about this–she’s a psychologist and therapist and is on some listservs with a lot of her peers. She said she’s hearing some of the same incongruous things from her colleagues. One of them was talking about how core values have to change and we have to accept that some people are just pure evil. She’s dismayed because these are mental health professionals and some of their views are so far from her own (and far from what she thinks are healthy), but she reminds me that our reactions are still developing–this is still new.

I hear you dear heart.

I came up with the brilliant plan of getting smashed so I wouldn’t have to genage in trying to convince some friends of mine that being a nancy pacifist isn’t Anit american.

Worked for the most part. Can’t be drunk forever though so I’m back to the drawing board.