Golden years?!

In My Humble Opinion
41

I’m teetering on turning 80, and can understand the aches, pains and misfortunes that come along with time - and I’ve had my share. On the other hand, my time is my own, there are no worries of making my mark in the world,I have no financial worries, and I have friends in the same age bracket to share life’s travels. There are still a lot of things to learn, and many things to do if I wish. And in many ways I am only responsible for me and my wife. My biggest worry is her health.

Seems to me I have two choices…one of them being unhappy with my situation and spend my time being down, or…accept that “yes, there are negative aspects of like to be dealt with, but I’m going to live as if life has lots of opportunities for engagement and happiness”, and try to help my wife do the same.

But I do sometimes wonder how I got to be a old old man…

42

Wow, Qadgop, I had no idea. I just thought you were tapping trees for syrup in your retirement.

On a lighter note, the G-rated version of this poem ended with, “The golden years have turned to brass.”

For me, in a little under 7 months, I’ll be able access my 401(k) without penalty. The alternative is worse.

43

OP here. I would like to thank all of you for your comments and stories. I guess I
am in shock and disappointed - my parents were running around doing all kinds of
things when they were in their 60s and 70s and here I am in pain at age 64.
It’s just not fun anymore.

And now if you will excuse me I’m going back to bed. I’ve come down will a bad case
of the flu and feeling like I’m half dead. Life is the pits, eh?

44

Life can be the pits for anyone. Some are luckier than others. Some make some of their own luck, and some cast away whatever small luck does come their way.

I hope you can find a way to get the most value from what luck you can get. Even if you have to look under the couch cushions to find much of it.

45

Heh… 61 here and my target for a date of retirement with some degree of comfort is up to 75 (got badly wiped out in ‘00 and ‘08 plus a number of job interruptions I could do nothing about juuuust short of vesting) but I am not bothered that much by it, have had a good bit of fun during good times and know I can stand lean times. I am seeing the modern 60s as more along the lines of “middle” aged and I can act as the experienced elder statesman of the team. The family has genes for longevity (though also for the Scary C) so we’ll see.

And here’s to Dr. Qadgop for a successful outcome so he may indeed be golden for years!

46

I’m 62. I’ve had a number of injuries to/surgeries on both legs - meniscus/foot/ankle - so I’ve been used to various unpredictable aches and pains any time I get out of a chair. But I still bike 25-30 miles at a decent pace 2-3x/week, walk when I golf, etc. One annoying thing I’ve experienced is pain in my left groin - just like a strain, tho not in response to any fear aggravation. So I’ve been trying to stretch more - with as yet unclear results.

Very recently, I’ve noticed it harder to get my leg over my bike. Once on, no problem. But I have to do it in a more measured manner than just swinging it over. Sure, I could get a step-through, but I just bought THIS bike last year.

Over the weekend, we went to our granddtr’s 2d-grade b-ball game. So cute. Basketball was always one of my favorite activities, and I’ve thought of just shooting hoops for low-level exercise - move in different directions, involve the arms… So I took the kids to a park yesterday and saw a b-ball near the hoops. I took a few shots and was enjoying myself until the first rebound took off in a different direction. Think of how long it has been since you needed to plant one foot and take off with any intention and speed in a different direction. I just couldn’t do it, even at a casual easy pace. And after, my groin was SCREAMING - I was hobbling like an old man - tho today it is fine.

That kinda thing comes as a shock - that I can’t even casually do something at such a reasonably low level. When I used to fight competitively, play rugby, was power forward in hoops, ran marathons… We’ll see what some more stretching can bring back… It is weird to think of myself as “frail.”

47

Meh.

Part of that is simply that it is an activity that your body is currently unaccustomed to. Your muscles and tendons have not moved in those particular patterns for a while. That’s not age per se. I mean sure tendons do unavoidably stiffen to some degree (and your competing fighting has come with some extra wear, see your surgical history) but even in your prime if you had not done any plant-pivot activity for a few years you’d be at risk for tweaking something first time back out.

You’re biking at a decent clip and a decent distance. Hard to see that as “frail”.

48

@Dinsdale 2 posts above … It ain’t the years; it’s the mileage. Or more accurately, the battle damage.

Aside: This struck me funny.

As I read that sentence I translated “b-ball” to “baseball”. The idea that abbreviation could have meant any other sport was simply unthinkable. When I came to the “basket” part I initially saw it as a typo for “base”. Then I did a double take and figured out what you really meant.

Human cognition and how expectations get converted into actualities in your head be weird. Or at least in my head it be weird.

Carry on.

49

Funny how experiences vary. For me, b-ball was never anything other than hoops.

Thanks, doc. I do want to remain as active as I can, while acknowledging that I’m not as young as I was. We booked a ski trip for end of March - will see how that goes! Tho my wife and I just enjoy being in the mountains and taking our time down the greens.

I think shooting hoops could work as one part of my casual old man’s exercise regimen, so I’ll keep it up. Hopefully it will get better. I like the idea of just using different muscles and moving my body differently than I do when biking or walking the dog.

I remember a couple of timeposts. When our kids were in middle school - probably 15-20 yrs ago when I was 40-ish - we took them to the local track and just timed each other going 100s and 440s. I ran track through HS and ran my last marathon in 04, but I couldn’t think of when I ever SPRINTED anywhere, or tried to run at a good pace form a minute and a half! MAN, I didn’t remember 100 yds being so far!

Then, maybe 8 years ago (in my mid 50s), my workplace had a picnic and a softball game. (Yes - SOFTBALL. 16". Not that kitten ball shit with gloves! ;)) I played on softball teams for YEARS up into my 30s. But DAMN! The idea of hitting a ball and then taking off to first base at a sprint? No longer in this guy’s repertoire!

One of my problems is that when young I was often stupid and failed to distinguish between pain and injury. I had a stupid high pain threshold and would often gut through when I should’ve rested/recovered. Now I’m feeling the after effects of some of that abuse. And it is harder to just ignore and “play through” the aches and pains.

50

My pet peeve is ‘over the hill’. Not no, but fuck no, the hill just keeps getting steeper until you stall.

Which by no means makes it a bad road, just don’t expect to start coasting down the other side.

I’d also second the joy of giving less and less of a fuck about things that used to cause me distress.

51

Well no wonder you’re bummed out, then! The onset of a nasty virus is IMHO very conducive to feelings of just general misery and pessimism, even before you start experiencing the physical symptoms. Rest up and take care!

52

I graduated from HS in 1981, and due to COVID issues, the 40th reunion was last summer. I didn’t go, but I saw pictures from it - it was held at a park pavilion - and the lady who planned it was doing the splits in the group picture! I USED to be able to do them, and tried myself, and yeah, that was painful.

53

You’re absolutely right. It’s only hoops. And I know that’s correct because that’s been my experience too! :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

54

Spoken like two old farts. :stuck_out_tongue:

55

Hey! I represent that remark! :relaxed:

56

that seems to be one of the few pluses about being disabled … i couldn’t do a lot of things in the first place and can barely do the ones I can so I’m not missing that much in the "no longer will be able to do anything "

What does scare me is I’ve got the memory of dory so in 20 years … yeah

57

I’m 67 and apparently these ARE my golden years. Because of an inheritance, selling a house in California, and my husband’s spending his whole working life with the University of California (real retirement benefits!), we have what is for us a very comfortable amount of money for the first time in our lives. I get to live on a small farm, my lifelong dream, where I can keep a horse and go riding on trails whenever I want … my health is basically good, although now I have to work daily merely to keep at the same level of strength and flexibility I thoughtlessly enjoyed previously.

I have a list of smallish things wrong with my body now, that will only get worse, and my brain is similar. But I still hike almost daily and feel I still have a few more seasons of horsebacking riding left in me.

I find many gifts in aging. I no longer feel driven to accomplish, create, succeed. That’s a great relief. I have no long-range plans anymore. I just do what brings me happiness (along with an endless list of chores …). Other people’s judgements also affect me little, compared to my younger self.

I go to bed early, and wake up in time to watch the dawn come in every day as I write quite boring things in my daily journal; our farm faces the eastern hills and every morning is beautiful. I am finally slowing down enough to enjoy things like greeting the dawn, watching birds, sitting in my garden. And I really do enjoy them. Failures don’t upset me the way they used to, I just plug along.

Getting older, IF you don’t have major health worries and sufficient money – big ifs – has a lot of benefits to it, at least for me. My big efforts – creating my own identity, finding a spouse, building a house, raising children – are behind me. Also behind me, I was surprised to find, are an almost dizzying array of memories. Wild adventures, tragedies and ecstasies, monumental failures, glorious successes, and so many people, many gone now, but in my mind they still live. I’ve collected a wide array of skills and knowledges, a lot of which I’ll probably never need again … I now know why old people often seem to live in the past: there’s so much of it.

What getting older has given me, in other words, is peace of mind. Which I have never had before. It was wholly unexpected.

58

Beautifully said, @Ulfreida. Thank you.

I’m not retired yet but it’s later this year. I hope to emulate your attitude, if not your details.

59

Your life sounds wonderful, Ulfreida. Of course there are challenges, but you manage to make/see the best you can of what you’ve got. I’ve never had significant back problems, but I’ve got to think my days of riding are behind me. My wife owned horses as a child, but her back has prevented riding for some time.

I mildly differ from you in the creative aspect. I never was especially creative. Instead, I was just dependable. But I started playing upright bass around age 45. A couple of years ago I realized most of the folk I played with were older than I. I realized the day would come that I didn’t want to haul a bass around, so I picked up clawhammer banjo, figuring if I started now, in 10 years I’d be decent.

My wife and I have realized the one thing we are rich in these days is time - and that we get to spend it exactly how WE want to. We are finally getting the hang of “living by our own rules.” (We found it can be harder than we thought!) And one part of my rules has been getting better at music. I’m not practicing as I should, but I am getting better, and giving myself the opportunity to play with better and better musicians…

Really neat at age 62 to play with someone REALLY good and find myself all nervous and self conscious. Just doesn’t happen all that often for this old coot! :smiley:

One thing my wife and I noticed a while back - most of our friends are older than us. We have a couple of friends we play music with who are in their 40s and 50s, but we wish it were easier to make friends who are younger than us.

60

I second this.

I am definitely enjoying NOT striving constantly in the business arena. I feel like I’m coasting now, and I much prefer it.

This is the crux of the matter IMHO. I’d add “people who care about you,” but frankly, the money and health are even more essential.