Golfers: Golf rules for the 99.999 per cent

Spotted this in the Globe and Mail, and had to share. I rather like Rule 4:

Any thoughts on the article, golfing Dopers? Any other modern rules we can come up with?

Anything to speed the game up.

A friend and I used to play a sensible rule - you could take a mulligan on the first shot of your round if you missed the fairway. You were expected to just play a nice conservative iron but didn’t have to.

I came about because both he and I were enormous dummy spitters who would go right off after “ruining a round” with the first stroke. So we called that round over and started a new one. After that, standard rules.

OK, I’ll bite. What is a “dummy spitter?”

It’s a common Aussie phrase for childish over reaction to events. In the case I was referring to both my friend and I would be inclined to get stupidly angry at the poor shot and rather than settle down and play normally would act like a pork chop.

You might know it as a “pacifier”. Another equivalent term would be “toys out of the pram”

I heard a rumor that Australia was adopting English at some point; any truth to it? lol

Penalty: two lost balls.

Probably just a furphy.

I don’t think that it would help speed up play. Unless the people who are doing it are taking 4-5 practice putts for a two foot putt. Then again I usually play by myself so I don’t take the time to read such a short putt and just go.

Honestly, I think that they could speed stuff up if people would cut the honor crap out. Really, who cares if you’re 1.35" further out then me, if I’m ready I’ll go.

Then again maybe that’s why I come close but never break 100.

I don’t get the raspberry references. do raspberries grow in pee or something?

Well’ in terms of honors on the tee I agree, who cares. But you can’t have two people hitting at the same time, it is distracting and unsafe. It would also prevent one player from helping to watch another’s ball, which to me slows the game down more than anything.

There is also the obvious rule that you can switch to a crappy range ball that found its way into your bag for the water shot, and back to the good one afterward(if by some miracle the crappy ball is actually on land to be replaced)

In all seriousness, who the heck plays standard rules? Jesus, I’d like to get my round done in under a day.

The way we play;

  1. You can never score more than 9 on a hole.

  2. Tee shots that are hopelessly shanked, like tapped 32 yards in front of the tee on a 390-yard hole, don’t count at all.

  3. There are no two stroke penalties. One for going into the water, one for a lost ball.

  4. You can move the ball six feet from an exceptionally difficult lie.

  5. Five minutes to find a ball is a riduclously long time. If you can’t find it in 30 seconds of peering around and swishing at the bushes with your club, it’s gone. It’s not made of goddamned platinum, just drop another one. You’ll find another to make up for it.

  6. Any putt under 2 feet is a gimme and it doesn’t count if you miss it.

  7. A swing and a miss doesn’t count. (It the real rules of golf it does, but come on.)

  8. The furthest-from-the-hole rule doesn’t count. What matters is keeping the flow of the game smooth, and if you just pay attention it’s really not hard to see what the logical sequence of shots is. However, never ever ever shoot at the same time. That is not cool.

The best thing that can be done to speed up play (at least at my old Club) is to cut the rough.

In a “Lean and Mean” austerity move, the club started to not mow the rough as often. ~1.7" diameter golf balls in 4" thick rough are hard to find. Three hour rounds turned into 3.5 hour rounds.

If you hit into the bush and cannot find your ball, the only recourse under official rules is to go back to where you originally played the shot and replay it with a one-stoke penalty (i.e. Stroke and Distance Penalty).

(There are different rules if the bush is marked as a hazard, and different rules if it is found and unplayable).

Since you are allowed 5 minutes to search for your ball, you can imagine the chaos if everyone followed the rule. 5 1/2 hour rounds would become 7 hour rounds.

In a non-tournament the only sensible thing to do is to always play the bush as a lateral hazard: drop a ball within 2 club lengths of where it entered and count a penalty stroke.

Wait, what? Who, in the name of all that is holy, plays a 5.5 hour round (short of the pros)? I have LEFT a golf course after finishing No.8 because the pace was too slow and we were on pace to finish just over 5 hrs. That’s too slow for a non-tournament 4-some round.

Other than gimme putts and lost balls it doesn’t take longer to play by the rules. All those mulligan/do-over shots and kicks to improve your lie add time after all. There are maximum shots per hole built into the handicap rules, more people picking up their ball once they’ve reached that maximum would speed up the pace of play in non-tournament rounds.

Take two strokes instead (for stroke and distance).

If someone in our group discovers that his ball is OB or just lost somewhere other than a marked hazard, we have him take two penalty strokes and drop another ball about where his earlier one went OB/ got lost.

The net effect is as if he’d gone back to where he’d hit his earlier ball and hit another almost-as-bad shot that didn’t quite go OB / get lost. Except for the time spent doing all of that, of course.

Also, we play ready golf on the greens. After you’ve missed your first putt, walk right up and putt again (unless you’d be standing in someone else’s line if you did so). Taking turns having everyone 1) putt his ball, 2) mark the results, 3) wait for each other person in turn to putt his ball and mark the results, then rinse and repeat really slows down the round. Also you tend to remember the break better if it’s only been three seconds since your ball meandered by the hole the last time.

A few years back, I told one of my regular players that if everyone played 5 seconds quicker per shot that it would save almost a half hour per round.

We are single digit handicappers

He didn’t believe me

(5 second * (4 players * 80/shots/player) = 1600 sec = 26.67 minutes

About 1.5 minutes per hole.