Thanks Choosybeggar. In that case, the joke is not “just” racist, but it also sucks. Chinese have problems pronouncing the R (usually it comes out a little more like an L), it is the Japanese who have problems pronouncing the L (it becomes more like an R). Having a Chinese wife and several Chinese employers, and dealing frequently with Japanese customers, you can trust me on this.
AH SOULS (assholes)??? If THAT’S it, I still don’t get it. What does being British have to do with anything? Or is that one of those that get changed to whatever race/religion/nationality/gender you want to put down?
Mine—
“Did you hear about the plastic surgeon who hung himself”?
I think the “assholes” thing is the right answer…thanks for pointing it out…
Yep, ex-Chicagoan’s got it, and pretty quickly, all things considered. (They are British because most Americans, presumably, would hear the difference. No particular national put-downs intended.)
While in high school, a group of classmates (not friends) told me the following:
“Sit here on this wall. You’re a hunter…and you’ve shot a rabbit. You’ve got the rabbit in your lap…but you notice it’s not dead. So you take your knife, and stab it (begin pantomime). Stab it again. And again,…faster, faster. Har har har har…”
Not having indulged in the practice (yet), it took me about 20 years to figure out that I was doing a masturbation pantomime. Good one, guys.
I’ve always heard this as the second half of “what do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen”. Easier to decipher that way.
(part of the same ilk as “…no arms & legs at your door? Matt” “…in a swimming pool? Bob” “…in a hot tub? Stu”)
I’d like to go to Holland, wouldn’t you?
This took me about two weeks to get, but (eight years later) it still makes me giggle.
There is an exhibition of Charles Addams cartoons on display on the third floor of the New York Public Library on 42nd Street (the one with the two lions out front). One cartoon, from the November 7, 1970 issue of The New Yorker magazine shows a hunter, with his trusty dog by his side, looking at two short, round-bodied identical twins. The caption says, “Goodness no! Our names are Bob and Frank Finley.” One of the twin’s mouth is open and so it is clear that he is speaking. Apparently he is answering a question posed by the hunter (or maybe not). I don’t get it. I’ve tried, ever since I first laid eyes on it, to try to understand but the meaning escapes me.
I have tried to find a copy of this cartoon to link here, everywhere from the New Yorker magazine website to the website of the New York Public library but have come up empty.
Reference to Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee from Through the Looking Glass?
jayjay
Just to complete the triumverate of jokes as I heard them …
Where do our good friends Eileen and Irene work?
At the IHOP. 
I’d like to go to Holland, wouldn’t you?
This took me about two weeks to get, but (eight years later) it still makes me giggle.
Any one figure this out? I am stumped…
Sounds quite plausible–but why a hunter?
Charles Addams was great, and sometimes subtle. My favorite was a scene in a patent office, where the patent officer is holding a ray-gun out his office window, and complaining to the inventor: " ‘Death Ray’, fiddlesticks: it doesn’t even slow them down."
Think of an article of apparel associated with the Dutch…
Okay, I dont get the Holland one even with the clothing help…
I’d like to go to Holland, wouldn’t you?
Is it supposed to sound like “I’d like to go to Hell in wooden shoes”?
If not, I give up…
First things first - I’m a redhead.
My parents and brother all have brown hair. As such, the number of times I was asked “Where did you get that lovely red hair?” during my childhood cannot be counted. (From a grandmother, for those that care.)
Anytime my parents had company over, the question would be asked as soon as I entered the room. My mother’s invariable answer - “Oh, from the milkman…” Wink, wink, etc.
I never actually believed that myself, but certainly didn’t understand the implication either.
Eventually the question was asked and I threw out the answer myself, only to see my mother run from the room and my father nearly fall over, laughing hysterically. Probably confused the hell out of the company.
Didn’t figure out what had actually happened for years.
I used to listen to Steve Martin’s “Wild & Crazy Guy” LP over and over when I was young. We’re talking, like, 8 years young.
I got most of the jokes, but there’s a routine in which he’s talking about a female friend of his and her perverted voice instructor: “He wanted her to sing…from her DIAPHRAGM! I mean, that would take YEARS to learn!”
Okay. So I knew what THE diaphragm was, but I had no idea whatsoever that there was also a contraceptive called a diaphragm. I couldn’t figure out why the hell the audience was laughing so hard.
I didn’t listen to it for a few years…and next time I did, it was as though a blinding light had gone off in my head. “Sing…from her DIAPHRAGM…holy cow, that IS funny.”
And it would definitely take years to learn, phew!
If it’s any consolation, jsc1953, I fell for that pantomine joke too, only the creature in question was a rabid cat. 'Course, I could appreciate the humor when I figured it out a couple years later…
Here’s one I heard as a child that stumped me at the time:
Q: What is spelled with a hymen?
A: Maiden-head.
Wasn’t until high school when I noodled that one out, and GROANED.
Close enough. “I’d like to go to Holland, wooden shoe.” Kind of a non sequitur. I just like to say it to myself and giggle. A friend tried to trump me with “Jeeze/Cheese, I’d like to go to Switzerland,” but I hope you’ll agree with me that that’s worse.
Just thought of another my sadistic classmates liked to tell to the uninitiated:
Two monkeys are taking a bath together.
Says one, “Please pass the soap.”
The other replies, “What, me? I’m not a typewriter!”
Followed by a round of loud guffawing. Sigh…kids can be so cruel.