Good news - my son didn't get molested!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

“Playing doctor” and “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” are far different from this. K isn’t predatory, obviously, but I remember the relatively normal messing around I did as a kid and it’s not even within the same realm as asking another kid to perform a sex act. In fact, I distinctly remember that when I was that age, I didn’t know what oral sex was - it was later than that when I ran into a reference to it in a medical book and had to ask my mother. She wasn’t comfortable explaning it, but she did. :slight_smile:

Aside from the issue of whether it’s normal or not for kids of ages that divergent to play together, an 8-year-old shouldn’t be unsupervised for any period of time anyway - much less with a younger kid in tow. Playing in the yard, as long as mom and dad are near the windows, is fine, but if he’s got the freedom to pull down his pants without getting caught, that’s not great on its own. If one of them got injured, the other probably wouldn’t have a clue how to deal with it.

That really sounds a lot like stories I’ve heard about the behavior of kids who’ve been molested. My mother is a social worker, and one of the facilities she worked in was a group home-ish place for children with serious behavior problems. She’s told me about some of what went on there, and when a kid asked another kid to perform a sexual act, it was a clear signal that the kid had been molested.

I would say not to isolate K at all; if he wants to play at your house (while WELL-SUPERVISED) that’s not bad, and if he trusts you enough, he might even eventually tell you if there is some sort of problem. But kids who have been molested very commonly reinact it with other kids, and you have to be careful here. Please, for your own child’s sake.

42

I know what you said. I’m just saying that I think you’re reading too much into this. A two year old saying “Penises are yuck,” after being asked to eat one, I don’t see that stemming into homophobia.

That’s all. I get what you mean, but since the kid is barely three, it’s kind of a reach.

43

I (we) went through something like this a little over a year ago. My five year old went to another 5 year old’s house and came home telling me he played “The Sex Game” with the other kid. I wasn’t sure if my son said “sex” game or “sucks” game because of a speech impedement.

I was concerned and asked my son some gentle and non-alarming questions about the game, followed by some gentle discussion about “private areas” and how to handle unusual situations. I talked with the other mom. The thing has been resolved to my satisfaction, and I don’t want to bore everyone with the whole long story except to say the other boy comes from a large family who added two (!) more children into the fold since then. He had/has much more knowledge than my kid did/does.

I also wanted to mention that I have read that experimentation within age groups is considered fairly normal, but that age group differences are considered red flags.

Anyway. I have always played “The Safety Game” with my kids which is a game I made up to teach them how to handle uncomfortable or unusual situations in a fun and funny way, which takes the edge off the seriousness of the topics. I usually start with “What if …(something happens). What would you do?” They like this game because if I don’t like the answer they get a loud “Braaaat! Wrong answer!” and we have a discussion about who/what/when/where/or why the answer is not the best choice and options for better choices.

I have seen these discussions pay off for my kids, too and was particularly proud of my daugher (then 7) refusing a male adult who wanted to hug her. She firmly and only a little politely stood her ground and he gave up after several tries.

Fairly recently, I bought two different books, both called “What Would You Do?” and also use one called “Social Skills Activities For Special Children” (which is excellent for not-special children, also) for teaching and learning tools for my kids, one of whom is diagnosed as mildly autistic and requires extra direction. I have liked and used all three and recommend them.

Anyway, knowing what I felt, how I handled, and all the details of “the sex game” situation, I realize it will be nearly impossible to the OP, hapaXL, to relate all the minute details involved in his situation in such a way as to convince everyone that he is handling the situation properly. Whenever someone asks “well, what about …” and hapaXL responds “well, …”, it’s still gonna sound like backpedaling and excuse making to some.

44

True enough. There’s probably a ton of details that aren’t easy to explain about the decision, and I’m sorry if it sounded like I thought you weren’t handling it right - only you know what to do here. Just be careful.