Gosh, I never heard of reality RV before...

The BBQ Pit
1

I’m going on Survivor. I don’t see why I should need to know how to start a fire or catch fish. My strategy will be to sunbathe while others work. No one will vote me off or else they’ll lose their only sunbather.

I’m going on Amazing Race. I don’t think a world atlas would come in handy, and there’s no need to learn to drive a manual transmission. Also, I think I’ll berate and belittle my partner as much as possible to keep her from becoming over-confident. I’ll also hurl insults at the local cops.

I’m going on Big Brother. I don’t see why I should waste time showering when I can be planning and forming alliances. I want to hook up with the first woman I see because the jealousy and suspicion from everyone will protect both her and me from eviction.

I’m going on The Apprentice. I don’t need to get along with anyone since, as head of the company, I’ll have my own office. My strategy is to be a scary psychotic bitch and scream “Whiplash!” when I spin too fast in the boardroom chair. This will impress Donald Trump.

I’m going on The $25 million dollar hoax. What could be more fun than to crush the spirit of everyone in my family, lie to them about winning the lottery, tease them with nonexistent money, and flip out my parents by changing my whole personality overnight?

I’m going on Wife Swap. Surely, since I’m a vegetarian lesbian Jew in an inter-racial relationship, they won’t put me with a loud-mouth foul-smelling possum-eating Alabama racist who has a tattoo of the Confederate flag on his ass.

I’m going on Average Joe. I just know that the has-been air-headed starlet they select will prefer me and my 300 pounds of farting, belching, and slobbering hairy flab over some guy with nothing more than smooth skin, six-pack abs, a pretty face, and a pending inheritance.

I’m going on the Real World. I’m sure that as a perky and chatty Pentecostal Christian who has never seen a black person in my life, and who respects girls too much to kiss them on the first date, I’ll fit right in. Everyone will appreciate me when I witness to them constantly and condemn them to hell.

2

Yeah, well, I’m gonna go on Junkyard Wars and build compressed-air cannons and submarines and stuff.

3

I’m going on <insert reality show here> because I’m a respectful, intelligent, level headed person who will unite those around me.

Oh wait, no I won’t. Those kind of people make boring ass TV*

*from the eyes of the execs and producers, I could care less.

4

I’m thinking of a new reality show: The Human Farce, where examples of the most wondrous organism ever to exist in the universe waste their near-miraculous ability to experience subjectively on a torrent of cultural sewage pouring from the deivce in the corner of the room.

Any volunteers?

5

Incidentally, “reality TV” in the thread title surely?

(Unless the next show is Reality Remote Viewing: Prize [url=http://www.randi.org/research/index.html]$1M[/ur]:))

6

There is a lack of Winnebagos in this thread…

7

Maybe it was supposed to be Reality Recreational Vehicle?

Put 12 people into an RV and send them on a road trip. Then when someone gets voted off for clogging up the head for the umpteenth time, they drop them off where ever they happen to be, and that person has to get back to civilization before the coyotes get them.

Now, where did I put Mark Burnett’s phone number…

8

Reality RV: driving across the nation in a Winnebago with a group of ten strangers and periodically voting on who gets left behind at the various truck stops.

9

Damn you, Dante. The eighth circle is reserved for people who steal others’ ideas.

10

Dante’s post was two minutes before yours, and he had to type more letters. Sir, you are the weakest link.

shit, that doesn’t go with the reality theme. guess I’d better pack my things too.

11

TAR contestants are not allowed to bring maps with them, they can only buy them during the race.

I’ve seen the show twice, but neither time have I seen any of the participants surprised they were paired with someone with a diametrically different person. They were surprised at the gulf of the differences, yes, but not the fact that it was done.

12

Right. And…?

I’ve seen every episode. And I’ve seen them surprised that it was done. “Was y’all surprised I’m white? I am.”

13

Now that might be a reality TV show worth watching.
'Course, I’m voting for the coyotes.

14

Amazing Race, how sweet the show
that stars a wretch like me.
I started first but now am last,
and boy, I’ve gotta pee. :wink:

15

Sweet aphasic Ephesian, WHY?

16

The least the people on the Amazing Race could learn to do is read a map! And duh, figure out whether your vehicle is petrol or diesel BEFORE you put in the gas! It says it right on the cap! Learn to read dumbass.

As for Survivor…seriously, how the hell do you go on Survivor and NOT know how to make fire. Surely you practice and practice and practice before you go on so that when you get there you can do it at the drop of a hat. Seems stupid to me.

17

I do this rather than inflict myself from head to toe with paper cuts and douse myself with gasoline. As a Melancholy, I bear upon my shoulders the weight of the world. Were I to miss an episode, God only knows what might happen.