I have never had a dog before – I’d always wanted one, for years and years, but never thought it was quite the right time. Ideally, I’d be in a live-in relationship, work regular (and not excessively long hours), have a place that allowed them, and work very close to home to minimize the dog’s time alone. Well, I waited and waited but all four of those elements never lined up at the same time, though I did meticulous research on dog breeds, husbandry, training, etc.
But now, with the advent of services like Rover and Wag, and now that I can afford having someone let the dog out every day while I’m away, I finally took the plunge a few days ago. And I am in full-blown panic mode.
The dog (9 months old) is actually a pretty good dog. No accidents yet, doesn’t chew my stuff, only barks occasionally. But I feel trapped – I have to keep an eye on him constantly to make sure he doesn’t accidentally kill himself or soil the carpet. The little guy follows me around everywhere and I’m terrified of even going to the grocery store because I feel guilty that he might get lonely. Needless to say, I’m even more terrified of going to work all day. And I have no safety net if I can’t book someone on Rover or Wag, since I live alone, just recently moved here and don’t have any close friends nearby. Maybe he’s better off with someone else? The guilt and anxiety are killing me. Does this pass or should I give him back?
I think you need to relax. Your dog isn’t going to kill himself and you don’t need to watch him 24/7.
There are some things you need to accept as a fact of life though. Accidents WILL happen. Some of your shit IS going to get chewed up or damaged.
I think maybe you’re anthropomorphizing a bit too much here. Leaving your pup alone is NOT the same as leaving a small child alone. Not by a long shot.
Now stop worrying and enjoy your new family member!
Get him a crate to stay in while you can’t watch him. He’s new to the house and he’s still a puppy, so you really should keep a close eye on him, for now, or set up a safe area for him to stay in when you can’t, whether it’s a cage or dog-proof room. Just relax, though. Things will be fine as long as you make sure he gets enough exercise/stimulation, trips outside and a dog-proof area.
Yeah, he is crate trained, so that’s helped. I am trying to think of him as more of an animal and not a person, but…I guess I’m sort of sensitive because a lot of people would say I still shouldn’t have a dog at all. Also, arranging my entire life around a small animal’s emotional and elimination needs is such a huge adjustment for me. I mean, I knew it would be. It’s just hit me really hard.
Relax you’ll be fine. Frankly I’m stunned that he hasn’t had any accidents yet–dogs in a new environment will often have accidents, esp when they’re only 9 mos old. This guy sounds like a keeper-you just need a chill pill. Think of him as you’re new partner in life.
The puppy will learn to come to you when it needs to go out. You can train it to a specific behavior such as barking (“speak”) or ringing a bell. And as it grows older, it will be able to hold its pee in for longer periods of time. It eventually got to the point where I never had to keep an eye on any of my dogs and let them decide how long before they wanted to go out.
Also, most dogs are very chill and relaxed about their owner leaving for a few hours. They’ll catch the opportunity to take a nap.
Do you own your own home and have a fenced-in yard? If you do, you could install a doggy door. The dog will learn to go in and out on his own. You should only allow him to go out by himself if you are home, though.
We’ve had our dog for 4 years now. She’s been crated every night for 8 hours or more, depending on what time we go to bed and get up. I’m not a doggy psychologist, but she seems to tolerate this “meanness” quite well. There have been times when I’ve had to wake her in the morning because she’s snoozing so soundly. When she was new to us and we were both working, she’d be crated during the day also, but once she developed bladder control, she got full run of the house. She’s not destructive, and we’re pretty sure if she’s not rasslin’ the cat, she’s snoozing or barking at squirrels outside the window.
I can’t speak for all dogs, but it works for ours.
Your dog, not unlike growing children, need to learn the life skill of self comforting. It means your dog/child won’t freak out if you’re out of it’s sight for some period of time.
Like any skill we learn, we have to start somewhere, with baby steps.
(If the pet is already crate trained, you’re half way there and need to take a chill pill!)
Go and do some reading about dog rearing. There’s tons of good info out there, easily available. Doing so will help address any issues you’ll come across and give you confidence, which is all you’re really lacking!
It is scary, and doesn’t help that you got a dog right in the middle of his (or hers) crazy teenage years. The dog following you around throughout the day’s perfectly normal- if you do not feel comfortable crating him when you’re gone, just make sure trash cans/anything he can get into are locked up/out of reach.
Do not panic, though- dogs are great in terms of meeting new people, and in getting you out and exercised. Don’t feel guilty about leaving him alone, either- chances are, he’s going to be sleeping through it anyway. (Though, do look into getting one of those stuffable Kong balls- we fill ours with sweet potato mash and meat gristle left-overs, freeze it, and it generally keeps the dog blissfully unconcerned with our departure.)
One common practice we have used successfully us called the “Two Week Shutdown.” Simply put, the idea is to simplify the dog’s life in this new, confusing environment, allowing him/her to focus on the social rules and to develop confidence that you are a good consistent leader. It’s not complicated – simply keep a routine . Don’t take the dog to new places, or to meet all your friends. Walk the same route every night. Don’t introduce to other dogs if you can help it (but don’t freak out about passing a few if walking your routine). Just tgese simple things will help.
Since this one is still a puppy, AFTER the approximately two-week period, you want to more-or-less reverse the “shutdown,” and expose the dog to new toys, places, people, dogs. Feed at slightly varying times, using different food bowls/containers, in different places in your house (but don’t vary the diet; doggo might get digestive troubles). Offer new toys and treats. Take him/her to new walks, parks, public gathering places. The idea here is to develop confidence in new experiences; to learn not to fear variety; to properly socialize.
Find a vet, establish a baseline health check. Vet’s office bulletin boards, pet stores, and the Internet are the places to find group obedience classes – take a beginner class of some kind. This will be great for your confidence and doggo’s.
Ignore advice about dominating your dog…you are building a family, not trying to become the head of a prison gang. Also, dogs don’t process “do not do x” nearly as well as they process “here is a good thing to do,” so show what you want more than say “no.” For example, if you want the dog off uour bed, get a soft dog bed (preferably a thick “orthopedic” bed with raised sides to curl against) and lead the dog off your bed onto his/her bed, praise and treat. Showing what you do want is very powerful and has worked very well for us.
Relax, have fun, report back. And post pictures!!!
Also, we have brought many new animals into our home over the years, and there’s always a period of adjustment for both humans and animal. This will pass, and you will get mutually comfortable. Dogs are very good at living with people, and if you’ve longed for a dog this long, you will love him and have great experiences bonding.
Every vet AFAIK tells you it’s fine to crate train dogs. I doubt just American ones and every other countries’ disagrees. However it still depends IME on the dog, how much they like or dislike it, how much they need it. Our previous dog came with a crate the shelter strongly suggested we buy but he eventually rebelled and would not go in there at night. Since he had in the meantime gotten over his chewing of furniture we said screw it and threw the crate away. He was fine by himself alone most of the day and all night, with caution not to leave any of the things he liked to eat (including tissues ) with him in his gated off room, the TV room.
Our current dog also was in a crate in her foster home, but we never got one. And she’s basically better behaved than the first, less need to worry exactly what we leave in her room, same room. However nowadays we’re home almost every day and I don’t know how happy she’d be alone. She likes human company more than the first dog, who was a very nice dog but more independent than she is. She doesn’t whine or misbehave though when left alone and she doesn’t bark in the house at all.
I’m not super anxious about our current dog but she does tie us down somewhat (though OTOH a super, super dog). Worrying about her has some influence on vacations where we don’t take her along, and taking her has its own hassles, obviously. Two of our grown kids live right nearby and really love her too, but I don’t like hassling them with having to take care of her.
Thanks for all the comments so far. I just didn’t expect getting a dog to be so mentally exhausting. There are lots of OMG-I-can’t-do-this-for-the-next-twelve-years-I-ruined-my-life-am-I-actually-a-cat-person moments of terror. Sometimes when he follows me up to my room and sleeps at my feet it seems worth it. But there are a lot more of the former than the latter these first few days.
You can observe how your dog reacts to the crate to get a sense of how he feels about it. Does he go in willingly? Does he relax and sleep okay while in there?
All my dogs have seemed to enjoy their crate/pen. They seem relaxed in it and will sometimes go in on their own during the day to sleep. It’s like it’s their room. It’s important to not use their pen as punishment or else they will associate it with bad feelings. Throw a treat in the pen when you want him to go in and he’ll look forward to it.
This is one of those situations where you have to figure out what is best for you and your pet. No matter what you choose, someone else is always going to feel like you’re doing it wrong. And your choice could be wrong for their dog, but it doesn’t mean it’s wrong for yours. By all means, read books and ask for advice, but don’t worry too much and pay attention to your dog’s behavior. Dogs are pretty durable. It’s going to be okay as long as you don’t beat him, ignore him, let him run loose where he can get lost or get into the street, fail to socialize him or let him get into dangerous food/poison.
Treats and praise are key. Dogs will work for food. When a dog completes an action, praise him and reward him. Also, your dog is at about the right age for obedience classes. And classes are as much about teaching the owner as they are teaching the dog.
I disagree. Once they get used to it, it becomes their “safe space” where they know things are gonna be okay.
Great for locking them down for an hour or so during the day to run to the store. Great for feeding them, so the other dogs don’t hog all the food (we have 4 dogs, 3 have individual crates, the “old dog” is on his own recognizance).
They are also not allowed in the “house-part” of the house. We keep them gated in a back room with a tile floor. They don’t miss the couch at all, 'cause they never had it to begin with! This can minimize dog crap and hair all over your place.
Just be sure to devote time to walk/play/run the dog. An active dog usually is not a destructive dog. Frustrated dogs are destructive dogs.
