Graduation speakers - shut the fuck up!

The BBQ Pit
61

My school had a separate baccalaureate ceremony, and not during the school day-it was optional and it was held one evening in the auditorium a few days before graduation. My parents, devout, church-going Catholics, said it was my choice, and I initially chose not to go. Buuuuutt…my best friend’s mother, a lapsed Catholic who only sets foot inside a church during the holidays and such, said she HAD to go. So I went with her for moral support, since she didn’t want to, either. Since she lived close enough to walk to school every day, we ducked out early and then walked home really slow-it was a nice evening.

College-meh, my adivisor teased me about not walking, but you had to pay a fee for cap and gown rental, and I think there was another fee, so I said, “fuck it.”

I think high school graduation is more of a rite of passage type thing, a way to say, “Goodbye” to all of your old friends and what not. Mine was fun-the speeches were short, and not TOO boring, and we did the beach balls* and soap bubbles. And we were allowed to yell things out, not too loud, though. The senior class president, a kid who went to my church that was in my confirmation group, handed out yellow roses to all the female grads. (I think I still have mine-it’s pressed in the pages of my yearbook). My only complaint was that it was fucking HOT under those bright lights. Oh, and the girls had to wear white gowns, but the guys got to wear blue. The blue ones were much nicer, and you didn’t have to go out and find a white dress.

My grandparents didn’t attend because my cousin’s high school graduation was the same night as mine, and they didn’t want to have to choose between us. They came over for pictures before hand.

Now, I did have an eighth grade graduation, but that was because I went to a Catholic school. For nine years. K-8. So THAT was more of a closure than high school. We didn’t have to wear gowns, just nice clothes, and we had a Mass. All the girls got white carnations, and we had a party afterwards with our teachers and the priest who taught us our confirmation class.

*Where DID that little custom originate, anyways?

62

I’ve found in general that when it comes to ceremonies, you’ll be hard pressed to find someone who actually prefers long drawn out proceedings to short to-the-point gigs.
This goes for about any type you can think of. Weddings, graduations, awards, etc.
I’ve never heard someone complain “gosh, that was just too short for my tastes”.

I think participants consider it their moment to shine and are oblivious to their guests. Rather a selfish point-of-view IMHO.

When we got married we had a ceremony that clocked in at under 15 minutes. I think all the guests were pleasantly suprised that we moved onto cocktails and hors d’overs so quickly. Many commented that it was the best wedding they had ever been to.

63

I didn’t go to my HS graduation. I graduated early and left the country. I still feel like I dodged a bullet by missing the ceremony.

I wanted to skip my college graduation too but it was important to my parents and my wife was getting her Master’s Degree on the same day so I couldn’t really get out of it. Knwoing full well what I would be in for, I got very, very high before I went. I also snaked a discrete pair of ear buds up from my robe (I had a lot of hair, so you couldn’t see them) and rocked out to Metallica during all the soporifics. I know our keynote speaker was the mayor but I have no idea what she said. In all my graduation pictures, I’m wearing sunglasses to cover my bloodshot eyes.

64

We did exactly the same thing at our wedding. No prayers, no preambles, we just got to the altar, said the vows and went on with the reception. We had the wedding and reception at my inlaws’ farm, so it was really just like a big ouside party with a brief interlude for the vows. Almost everyone there commented on how great it was to have such a short ceremony.

65

There was a joke I heard, about a graduation at Yale. The speaker started out with a thirty minute introduction, then said “And now, let us reflect on the letters of the word, which are so reflected in our graduates. Y is for youth”, and he gave a 30 minute speech on the value of youth. Then, “A is for ability”, and another 30 minute speech about the value of ability. Halfway through his 30 minute speech about L for loyalty, one of the graduates whispered to another, “It’s a good thing we’re not going to the Minnesota School of Metallurgy and Mines”.

66

I’m back–we just matriculated 358 kids in 67 minutes. Woot! That’s the way it should be–even though there was still the violin/cello duet. :confused:
It went well and wasn’t too hot in the gym, thank god.

67

You know, not everyone has the option of non-attendance. Some schools (especially where I was) tried to withhold certificates from people who didn’t show up at the awards ceremony. (It was just a coincidence I needed to fly to Auckland that particular day, honestly! :D)

You know what would really impress everyone, and go down as a memorable speech?

“Hi everyone! I’m going to keep this short- really, I am. Thanks to all the teachers for their hard work over the last 4 years of High School, good luck to everyone with whatever you do, and remember, even Einstein had trouble tying his own shoelaces, so don’t feel bad when nothing seems to go right for you. Thank you, and good afternoon!”

Short, sweet, and to the point… No blathering, no self-important “OMG Graduations!11!1!!”, no wanky and cliquey shout-outs to random people no-one in the audience knows. Simple, gets the message across, and gets on with the ceremony a lot faster.

All this from someone quite capable of giving a 10 minute off-the-cuff speech on all manner of irrelevant topics… :smiley:

68

“matriculated” is the opposite of what you meant.

69

You should have been at my high school graduation. It was a small Christian school and there were only five graduates. We all had to make a speech. Mine was about three minutes long, one of those trite follow-your-dreams things because I knew that A) No one wanted to listen and B) I didn’t feel like putting much effort into it.

The other four graduates, all girls, gave long, weepy thank-the-academy solliloquies, talking about all the people who had given them support and how much they would miss this person or that because they had done so much for them and how they had been so blessed by God in finding this place where Christian Values blah blah blah blah. What should have been a short ceremony was not. It went on for HOURS. I ended up looking like a gifted orator in comparison.

I kind of appreciated being seated on the stage at first. It was amusing to see the camcorder lights wink out one by one as the audience slowly realized that even they would never want to re-watch this aching tedium. Then I realized that being up on the stage meant I was stuck through the whole thing. On the clip tape one of my friends made of it, you can pinpoint the exact moment this thought occurs to me. I look like I’m going to cry, then slowly morph into what can best be described as a vegetative state, glassy-eyed and lifeless.

70

Substitute “kind of a cantaloupe color” for “white,” and that was my graduation. It was supposed to be gold.

I did have to buy a white dress, though (for the National Honor Society induction ceremony, not graduation).

71

You know what I find sad? If I had been my class’ valedictorian (I was nominated, but since it went to a student vote naturally I didn’t get it), I probably would’ve made a speech talking about how I would miss high school–I actually cried during some of the graduation events.

Today, if I were to make that speech, it would be something along the lines of “I’m glad to finally be leaving this place.”

72

Oops! :eek: <—closest I can get to embarassed smiley.
Except that 358 kids were admitted to the local HS as well…I sorta just condensed the two.

:slight_smile:

The principal of the school read the NJHS names so slowly I thought I would die. Luckily, the VP got up to do the service awards (you can do service in junior high? Who knew?) and read those names like an athletic roster, making pick up teams. bam, bam, bam.

When it came time to read off the class and present the diplomas, they went with the VP’s cadence.

We had to wear white as well–guys got wear red. I remember searching for white shoes forever (why this was difficult escapes me now, afterall, it was June).

73

I remember watching a graduation for a former boyfriend’s high school. The honor students were in white; the rest in purple. I remember hearing someone behind me in the audience ask, “Are the ones in white the virgins?”