This is my first college course, and only my second research paper. I’m having some difficulty with this paragraph and need some outside opinions. I’m not sure if the use of italics is appropriate:
Today’s message is one appropriate for the day after Valetine’s Day. It’s about the importance of loving the Lord–and the people here certainly appear to. They all close their eyes and raise their hands up to ceiling, shaking their heads as if in disbelief. They thank God for another day. Who woke you up this morning? Jesus did! Did he have to? No, he didn’t! I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen this many happy people in one room. They all appear to be genuinely grateful for another day.
Or would something along these lines work better?:
Today’s message is one appropriate for the day after Valetine’s Day. It’s about the importance of loving the Lord–and these people certainly appear to. They all close their eyes and raise their hands up to ceiling, shaking their heads as if in disbelief. They thank God for another day.
“Who woke you up this morning?” shouts the choir. “Jesus did!”the congregation exlaims. “Did he have to?” the choir wants to know. “No, he didn’t!” is the collective reply. I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen this many happy people in one room. They all appear to be genuinely grateful for another day.
The quotation marks make the passage easier to understand. Remember that your audience may not be familiar with the call-and-response of the service, so will not know who is talking there. You spelled Valentine wrong, and you might want to skip any contractions that are not a direct quote. Write out “I am” and “I have” instead of writing “I’m” and I’ve."
May I ask what course this is and what your topic is? I wonder only because this paragraph seems more appropriate for an essay than for a research paper, especially a 101-level research paper.
Stylistically, I prefer the first one, even though I am not that familiar with the call-response thing.
However, I’d break it down into separate lines for each quote, thusly:
This indicates that a different person or group is speaking each time, which solves the call-response problem without the (IMHO) unnecessary explanations.
Okay, another question: If I changed that paragraph to past tense ("It was about the importance of…the people there certainly appeared to…etc.) would the use of italics (separate lines as they PP suggested) still make sense?
I’m afraid the use of past/present in my paper is a little inconsistent.
I think that, barring explanation in other paragraphs, the italics are unclear because the reader does not know who is doing the speaking. In fact, the reader does not know if the italics represent speech or internal monologues.
Who is speaking? The choir and the congregation? The pastor and the congregation? The pastor and the choir? Is the pastor giving rhetorical questions that he or she then answers? Or is this dialogue coming in the form of a revelation in your/the narrator’s head? Or is it meant to express the thoughts that the people in the congregation are having?
If you go with Jean Grey’s separate lines with no further explanation, it may not be clear that it is the choir and the congregation, but that’s okay. It will be clear that it is at least two speakers interacting with one another, and that’s the information that your reader needs.
Good, but a college-level paper should be not be “personalized.” It should be written at a level of clarity that any reader–let’s say any sociology professor–can understand.
Stupid spelling mistakes. I always have to print my papers out to proofread. I never catch anything on the screen. Thank goodness I am not graded on the Straight Dope.
That makes sense…this is a pretty casual (and optional) assignment, however. The professor complimented me on my last paper, and seems to appreciaite any “voice” that comes through in formal writing.
I also find that printing out my papers is very helpful when it comes to proofreading.
