In a conversation today, I used the phrase “You, or a loved one, ARE…”
My friend says it should be “You, or a loved one, IS…”
Is “you” the subject of the sentence, or is “you, or a loved on” the subject? I say either way, the verb should be “are.” Please tell me which is right, and why. There’s a large pizza at stake here.
Because you used “or”, the singular is correct. If you had used “and”, then the plural would be correct. A good test is to remove what’s between the quotation marks. What’s left determines the number of the verb.
You should use “are” in this example. The subject of the sentence is “you.” Even if the argument is made that the subject is “you and a loved one,” the correct verb to use is “are.”
It is a common error to try and make the verb agree with the last item listed in a series joined by “and.” But your friend is mistaken - no matter how you parse the sentence, the subject is not “a loved one” - it is “you and a loved one” or just “you.” Therefore, the correct verb is “are.”
Examples:
You, Bob, and Sandra are (not is, based on “Sandra” alone) going to the store.
Ten books, 500 flowers, and one thread were (not was, based on “one thread” alone) burned in the fire.
Enjoy your free pizza.
The correct conjugation of the verb in that sentence is “are”, to agree with “you”. The phrase “or a loved one” is in apposition (set off by two commas), and the sentence should read the same with that apposed phrase or without it.
The correct verb is “are.” (How’s that for sentence construction?) The way this sentence is written, with “or a loved on” being set off by commas, indicates that “you” is the subject.
Now, if the sentence was “you or a loved one,” it gets a little trickier, but the verb would still be “are.” IIRC, the rule is that when using “or” in a compound subject if one or more of the elements is plural, use a plural verb (e.g., “The cats or the dog are shedding.” If both elements are singular, use a singular verb (e.g., “The cat or the dog is shedding.”)
Well, I see some people posted as I was composing my post.
Suo Na, your reasoning is correct except for two things. First, the “or a loved one” is set off by commas, making it an apposed phrase. (Thanks, StephenG, for that; I couldn’t remember the term.) Second, “you” takes a plural verb regardless of “or” versus “and.”
missbunny, the question is what to do with “or” not “and.” That’s another problem. 
I just noticed that the sentence is “you, OR a loved one,” not “you, AND a loved one.” The Little, Brown Handbook does say that when the subject consists of nouns and pronouns of different person requiring different verb forms joined by “or,” the verb agrees with the part of the subject nearer to it, but it doesn’t say if the rule is different if the “or” phrase is set off by commas.
LB gives the example, “Either John or I am responsible.”
Boy that sounds weird to me. Little, Brown does admit that this construction usually sounds weird and suggest rewriting it. ("Either John is responsible, or I am. Maybe you could call it a draw and split the pizza? 
yeah yeah, bad punctuation, I know
What I’m looking for is a real ironclad consensus, and the problem seems to be with the commas. Suppose I take out the commas, would that necessarily change things?
I really don’t know what I was thinking, there. I get it right in practice, but…
From the prior posts, it becomes apparent that it does. Without the comma, “a loved one” is the last item in the subject and it takes “is.” (The subject is “you or a loved one.”) With the commas, only “you” is (?) the subject, and “a loved one” is in apposition to the subject.
Now, that brings up the q. in my prior sentence. Should the verb actually be “is” or “are.” I did not use “you” in the meaning of you, but merely quoting the word that was used. “Only you are the subject” sounds weird. I contend that the proper verb is “is.” Any arguments contra?
Yes, the commas decidedly change things.
From pp. 52-53 of Woe Is I, by Patricia A. O’Conner:
Extra information inserted between subject and verb doesn’t alter the verb. [[This means that the comma phrase “, or a loved one,” doesn’t alter the verb, so the verb should be “are” to go with “you”.]]
Phrases such as along with, as well as, in addition to, and together with, inserted between subject and verb, don’t alter the verb. [[Same affect as the first point.]]
If the subject nearer the verb is singular, the verb is singular. [[This means that without the commas setting off the “or a loved one” phrase, “loved one” is the closer subject and requires the singular verb.]]
There are more dense and less easily understood resources (Chicago Manual of Style, Microsoft Manual of Style, Fowler’s Modern English Usage) that will will you the same thing in more complex terms, if you like. I don’t like, so these excerpts from Woe Is I cover it for me.
Now that that’s covered, I recommend based on my authority as a technical writer and editor that you each buy each other a pizza and agree to rewrite.
Regarding a post made by barbitu8 while I was typing:
When punctuated correctly, this is “‘Only you’ is the subject.” In this case, “is” is the correct verb to address the phrase “only you”. If you don’t include the correct punctuation to indicate that “only you” is a discrete phrase, the verb must be “are” to go with “you”.
But I say again, rewrite. You can solve the whole problem by saying “The subject is the phrase ‘only you’.”
If anybody wants to hijack about why I put the period between the two types of quotation marks in that last sentence, I’m staying out of it. <g>
Ack! Typo after I announce I’m a writer and editor.
“that will will you” should be “that will tell you”.
Please note that even editors need editors.
Your patience is greatly appreciated.
Thanks, all! Unfortunately, the wager was made verbally, so the existence of quotes is 50/50. The pizza will also be 50/50.
“is” is the correct verb here. Here’s why:
Let A=you, and let B equal loved one. Each is a singular pronoun, and each is being considered separately in the sentence.
Let’s complete this sentence hypothetically: you or a loved one is playing with a ball. One of you is playing with a ball … the subject is singular. Either A or B is playing with the ball.
Could you give us the whole sentence so we can play with it and make that grammar a bit less eye-ugly?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by jeyen *
**Yes, the commas decidedly change things.
Regarding a post made by barbitu8 while I was typing:
When punctuated correctly, this is “‘Only you’ is the subject.” In this case, “is” is the correct verb to address the phrase “only you”. If you don’t include the correct punctuation to indicate that “only you” is a discrete phrase, the verb must be “are” to go with “you”.
But I say again, rewrite. You can solve the whole problem by saying “The subject is the phrase ‘only you’.”
Actually, I believe that the correct punctuation is: Only “you” is the subject. The quotation marks surround only “you” and not the phrase “only you,” as the sentence clearly states that only “you” is the subject.