Cosmo’s got an article out about ‘gray’ rape – basically alcohol-induced date rape, or non-violent rape by a male friend. It’s sort of nauseating, and seems to be prompted by a) not wanting to label oneself a victim for life (‘I was raped’), and 2) not wanting to take the time/effort/risk of pressing charges, especially if they have to see the guy at parties or on campus (‘He’s a rapist’).
This has never happened to me, but it has to friends (especially non-consensual sex or anal sex with boyfriends or lovers) and I understand their mixed feelings, to a point. But I’m not sure refusing to call oneself a ‘rape victim’ is helping men understand that they shouldn’t be violating women’s bodies. And refusing to be associatede with emotionally-scarred victims won’t help people understand that regular women just like them have been assaulted and managed to go on with their lives, untainted and unbroken (like some molestation victims, who can shrug off childhood experiences, usually non-violent or brief ones, and would never label themselves victims. But are they going to let ‘Uncle’ Charlie babysit their own kids?). The article definitely isn’t helping change the myth that ‘real’ rape happens in dark alleys and is perpetrated by strange, ugly men with knives.
Here’s the story from the editor of Jezebel (the site I linked to):
There are about a dozen more like it in the comments section. Any thoughts? Any personal or friend-of-a-friend stories? Sometimes the oversealousness of dopers in threads about false rape accusations sort of depresses me (I know it exists, and just because there may be 10 date rapes for every one false claim doesn’t make it right).