My husband told me about one safety briefing where they were told: “In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion will serve as your flotation device. Simply slide your arms thru the straps and paddle, paddle, paddle.”
He giggled about that for days.
On SWA (on the same flight):
In event of sudden cabin decompression, oxygen masks will fall from the ceiling. Stop Screaming, let go of your neighbor…’
“Your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device in case of water landing or pool party…”
Once again Southwest-“We will be dropping through the cloud cover in just a few minutes and you will see the frindly skyline of either Phoenix, Arizona or Guam.”
Another time on SWA just before Christmas the flight crew did the preflight instructions in the form of the poem “The Night Before Christmas”. In all my flying I have never heard an entire plane listen quietly to those instructions until that day. Wonderful applause came at the end.
I was flying into Yap Island in Micronesia on a DC-3 in the early 1970s. We had been flying about 15 minutes longer than the estimated time of the trip when the stewardess came out of the cabin and asked very seriously, “Is there anyone aboard that is familiar with what Yap looks like from the air?”
Someone raised a hand and he was taken to the cabin. About 20 minutes later we landed in Yap and nothing more was said. To this day, I don’t know if it was serious or a put up job. But Air Micronesia at the time was not known for humor (not on purpose, anyway).
TV
Gee, no mention of Alaska Airlines yet. Maybe they’ve gotten too uptight in the past few years.
When I was flying with them in 1990 from Seattle to Anchorage, they gave a more-or-less standard announcement (although the FAs introduced themselves as Flo and Trixie, with Captain Butch), then added: “The lavatories have been equipped with smoke detectors and ejector seats, so if you plan on smoking in the lavatories, we’d like to take this opportunity to thank you for having flown Alaska Airlines.”
On a flight a couple of years later, the captain and one FA were teasing another FA over the intercom for not having caught anything during their fishing trip.
–sublight.
“Have a Great Fun” --want ad for Kogakusha English School
Great replies.
I’m going to LA on Southwest tomorrow; I’ll be sure to take notes.
I flew Southwest to New York. On one of the connecting flights, we had a really funny FA. But then he got off at the stop, and the other FA was really boring. I think they do it to compensate for their cramped planes and slow service.
This actually happened to me:
Flying EasyJet (budget airline) from London to Amsterdam, the captain announced:
“Good evening ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain, May I apologise for the delay while the ground crew were checking out a problem with one of the engines. The problem doesn’t seem to be there anymore, so in a short while we will be taking off…”
In Australia there is a sub-branch of Virgin Airlines called Virgin Blue.
I was on a flight of theirs a couple of weeks ago, and the singular male Flight Attendant sang us a song all about how great Virgin Blue was, sung to the tune of ‘Blue Suede Shoes’ and in a very competent Elvis accent.
If it wasn’t so doggone excruciatingly stupid, I would’ve applauded.
I don’t know about other countries, but when you fly into Australia, one of our charming welcoming rituals is to spray insecticide throughout the passenger cabin while the plane’s taxiing to the gate (“Don’t get up, we’ll delouse you in your seat”).
The usual procedure is for the FAs to walk through the cabin and squirt a bit of Mortein about the place.
Flying back into Australia on a certain airline, one of the ones where everyone applauds a safe landing, the FAs went above and beyond the call. They didn’t walk through the cabin, they danced. I mean it. Pirouettes, jetes, arabesques, perfectly synchronised with each other.
Maybe I was a little punchy from the long flight, but it was the funniest damned thing I’ve seen in years.
Gah!! I hate that!
I always wonder if these folks will applaud their friggn’ busdriver too if he manages to navigate the bus to the next stop succesfully.
Apparently its a Swedish thing to applaud when the pilot lands.
I caught a flight from Sydney to Perth, landing in very strong winds. The plane was being buffeted around, and bounced on screeching tyres several times before landing. The Captain said: “Whew! What a rush!” The note of relief in his voice unnerved me more than the landing.
I love SWA. The funniest one I ever heard - that almost had me wetting my pants, was at the end of the flight. The male flight attendendant, who had cracked me up the whole flight by pretending to spill my soda on me, making cracks at the pilot, juggling the pillows and playing softball with the peppermints, got on the intercom, cleared his throat, and said
“As you go to take your stuff out of the overhead compartment, please be careful that nothing falls out an hits you in the head. What can I say. Shift happens.”
“…and next time your travel plans are up in the air, we hope you’ll choose United again.” Heard it myself.
Another from SWA. After landing and heading toward the gate, everybody KNOWS you’re supposed to stay seated until the captain has turned the seatbelt sign. But, everybody always begins to unbuckle and start shuffling. One trick I heard was when the flight attendant came on and said: “Everyone who wants to stay and help clean up the plane, please stand up.”
Which of course rivited everyone to their seats.
GES
[hijack]
OK, not really flight announcements, but airline humor anyway…
In the early 70’s, I was going to college (GSU) in Atlanta - the home of Delta. This was about the time they started using the 747, and had a slogan that appeared, among other places, on bumper stickers: “Fly Delta’s Big Jets” Saw a cut and paste (real cutting and pasting) job that read, “Jet Delta’s Big Fly” - was this an insect thing, or about fast zippers?
Also, during the same time was a poster using an airline’s slogan “Fly United” showing a pair of ducks doing that. It was the early 70’s lotsa stuff was funny then.
[/hijack]
Regarding applause - in '91 flying from Oahu to the Big Island on one of the local airlines, we landed especially hard - almost as if the pilot thought he was about 10 feet higher than he was … big bump … sarcastic clapping as we taxied in.
hehe…I actually heard a few of these myself on Southwest flights. Maybe they pass their gags around.
My contributions to the thread: during the “oxygen mask” lecture, the attendant said, “If you are travelling with small children, we are truly sorry. Fix your mask first…” and so on.
When that same flight landed, the attendant got on the intercom and sang “Auld Lang Syne”, but changing the words to “Southwest Airlines got you here, and got you here on time!”
And finally, the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen on an airplane. You will all think I am lying, but I don’t care. They were demonstrating the seatbelts, and the attendant was holding that self-contained buckle-strap-insert demo piece. She held it in one hand by the buckle, swung the strap like a cup-and-ball game, and CAUGHT the insert in the buckle. Being that I can barely buckle those awkward belts with both hands, I was highly impressed.
On Alaska Airlines to Los Angeles, on April 1st, just after landing:
“Ladies and Gentlemen, on behalf of Alaska Airlines I’d like to welcome you to Nome, Alaska. The temperature outside is -10 degrees…”
(A few of the passengers in aisle seats were actually worried for a moment…)
Although I’ve never heard it myself, the standard “landing at BUF” line is supposedly …
“Ladies and gentlemen, we have just landed at Buffalo Niagara International Airport. The temperature outside is probably a lot colder than the place we just left. Please set your watches back 30 years.”
This reminds me of the time I was on a Southwest flight last year heading to Tampa Bay…
We had rough turbulance throughout the whole flight andwhen we landed, it was was real hard and bumpy. After the plane had come to a stop, the attendant got on the intercom and said “As you areleaving the plane remember to ask Captain Crunch if we landed or were shot down!!”