I happen to like The Best of Times, but many people think it’s crummy. Here are two of my favorite lines:
“And as you can see, my mistake was so horrible, not only has it haunted me ever since, but it’s forced the entire town to slip quietly into oblivion forever.”
“In short, gentlemen, we need the men of Taft to forge from the foundry of history a new past and a new future with, hopefully, a new present caught in the middle.”
From “Highlander”
The thing I love about that film is that they actually stole their best scenes (the awakening of the sorcerer, the crucifiction of the hero) directly from Robert E. Howard’s Conan stories, unlike the “official” Conan movies that didn’t seem to use any of Howard’s material at all.
From an old Republic serial called Manhunt of Mystery Island:
Villain, “explaining” how he is able to change his appearance: The appearance of human beings’ stature, complexion, and pigmentation is controlled by the molecular arrangement of the blood corpuscles. I have found a means of altering that arrangement.
Henchman: I understand.
Villain: If I thought you really did, I’d kill you!
I’ll probably get flak for this, but:
Two from, “I Was a Teenage Frankenstein.”
Speak. I know you have a civil tongue in your head because I sewed it back myself.
In this laboratory there is no death until I declare it so.
Don’t know the name of the movie, sorry. A bunch of mercenary/thugs/adventurers/whatever are on a deserted cruise(?) ship, where a monster has already eaten the passengers. They run hell-for-leather to the nearest elevator with the monster on their heels. They just barely make it before the doors close on the monster.
Lead Merc: “What the hell is THAT?”
Semi-Nerdy Comic Relief Merc, listening to the Muzak still playing over the elevator speakers: “Girl from Ipanema?”
Sounds like, “Deep Rising.”
Dig it, here’s a website that lists movies that have an elevator/“GFI” scene; apparently it’s a Hollywood in-joke. Who knew?
Not quite the same, but it is an all time great line that I still have in my head 30 years later:
There was an infomercial for sunglasses, BluBlocker Vipers. This is in the days of BluBlocker polarized sunglasses to help fishermen see into the water and super awesome things like that. Then this commercial comes on and says:
“They wrap around your head. They look cool! and they fit great!”
That series of statements has never felt the same way since- as these glasses had a built in headband, which made them so ridiculous. The 80s and 90s were just tasteless!
An abbreviated ad that someone posted on YouTube. I fixed my wording as I had remembered it in the reverse order, but maybe that was the longer infomercial version.
"What does God need with a starship?"
Appaloosa.
Ed Harris and Viggo Mortensen are a couple of for-hire lawmen after bad guy Jeremy Irons. They catch up with him when he pauses to meet up with three [del]henchmen[/del] mooks. Words are exchanged, then bullets, and ten seconds later the mooks are down and dead, the two lawmen are down and wounded, and Irons is wounded but hightailing it out of there on a fresh horse.
Mortensen: That went quick.
Harris: Well, everybody could shoot.
The Core
Col. Robert Iverson: Being a leader isn’t about ability. It’s about responsibility.
Maj. Rebecca Childs: Got it, sir.
Col. Robert Iverson: No you don’t, Beck. I mean, you’re not just responsible for the good ones. You’ve got to be responsible for the bad ones. You’ve got to be ready to make the shitty call.
Maj. Rebecca Childs: What makes you think I’m not?
Col. Robert Iverson: Because you’re so damn good. You haven’t hit anything you couldn’t beat. I mean, hell, you were the one who figured out how to save the space shuttle. You made me, you made the rest of NASA just look like an ass. It’s just you’re used to winning… and you’re not really a leader until you’ve lost.
“STOP EATING MY SESAME CAKE!” from Congo.
^came in to post this, but Frank beat me to it and I don’t have an alternate prepared either, dammit!
Oh wait, yes I do
from Storm Of The Century,
Born of lust turn to dust, concieved in sin come on in.
Andy Warhol’s Flesh for Frankenstein might be better than I remember but the one thing I remember is the below awesome line:
Baron Frankenstein: To know death, Otto, you have to fuck life… in the gall bladder!
I haven’t seen all of the movie, but enough to know though I’m not a fan. Still it’s not quite as bad as some of the laughers cited here, but ‘the Lion speech’ by Christopher Walken in Poolhall Junkies, is pretty good. Text here: The Monologue Database | monologuedb
The Cannonball Run 2 is that bad, but it did have a few funny lines in it. The chief mafioso, (named Don Cannelloni and played by Dom DeLuise, so you can’t say you weren’t warned…) is displeased with the plan one of his minions brought to him:
From Biggles, as the eponymous World War I pilot jumps into a modern helicopter:
“If you can fly a Sopwith Camel, you can fly anything!”
“Well, I’d certainly say she had marvelous judgment, Albert… if not particularly good taste.”
A Boy and His Dog
Kunoichi Lady Ninja (1998)
“It is said that if you drip the blood of a virgin Hori woman on a sword, the blood spatter can cut through a man.”
That’s at the very end of the movie, isn’t it? I mean, why not end on a giant pun?