So here I am, having a nice restorative sleep, when, without any provocation whatsoever, this douchebag sits his denmonic ass on my chest and starts sucking the air out of my lungs. Just what you need, right? If he hadn’t paralyzed me I’d have told him to kiss off - it’s 2005 and the Middle Ages are about six centuries *that * way. I’m really pissed. I just don’t think a solid, incubus-free night of sleep is too much to ask.
Yeah, well, you were hogging all the oxygen.
A Doper. I should have guessed.
I thought I had one of those the other night. A great weight settled itself on my chest and I had difficulty breathing. Then I woke up and realized it was my 23# tabbycat.
I get this too occasionally, bloody medieval demons. I’ve had it happen often enough that the nightmare aspect of it has worn off and now it’s interesting rather than scary.
Do a search on these boards, or Google on sleep paralysis you’ll find lots of stuff.
I almost had a succubus once.
I said one thing–next thing I know, she slaps me and walks through the wall, muttering, “Men are pigs.”
Chicks.
“There’s got to be a morning after…if we can hold on to the night…”
-foxy
From what I remember about incubi, you got off lightly with a little shortness of breath. :dubious:
I’m so sorry. Would you like to talk about it, Malacandra?
“…thgin eht ot no dloh nac ew if…refta gninrom a eb ot tog s’erehT”
That’s the REAL way to get rid of a succubus.
By the way, did I ever tell you about the time I met the Loch Ness Monster?
Last I heard he was working in a casino in Vegas. So, what’s he up to nowadays?
Most kind, but I was speaking of myth and legend. Only a very confused incubus would have been interested in me.
All I’m sayin’ is, you don’t pop out a demon spawn next July, you’ve not done so badly. 
Yes, I’m aware that incubi have a reputation for being incurable sex offenders, but for better or worse, this one seemed only interested in murdering me. However if I give birth to Hellboy next summer I’ll be sure to let you all know.
That was no incubus. Incubi are tempters and begetters, not killers
Some things do go away when we stop believing in them. Others just grow stronger. Have you checked your closets lately? Look for viscous drool, and eyes that glitter dimly in the dark. Listen for the scrape of nails and the smacking of lips as it waits. This isn’t the thing that sat on your chest. It’s something much worse.
That depends, how many windows and doors does your house have? How are they protected? Are the legs of your bed placed in bowls of salt? Would you take the screens from your windows and complain when you are attacked by mosquitoes?
Ah ga’e him tree fitty jus de udder deh!
Well, I pulled up to use the valet and the valet came to get my car. And he says to me “Valet service?” and I said “Well, how much would it be?” And he looks at me and says “I need about treefiddy” Well, it was about this time that I noticed that the valet was about eight stories tall and was a crustacean from the Paleozoic Era. And I said, “Dammit monster! Get away from my car! I ain’t givin’ you no treefiddy!”
And what’d you have to go giving him treefiddy for, FriarTed? He ain’t gonna go away if you give him treefiddy! He’s gonna assume you got more.
I’m trying to imagine what an eight story tall crustacean would look like.
And failing. :eek:
I’m pretty sure it’s “. . . If we can hold on through the night.” Thanks for reminding me of that awful song.
My girlfriend and I have nicknames for all my former girlfriends. The one from Alabama is called the Succubus.
I’m aware of sleep paralysis and actually I knew what was going on at the time. I just thought people were supposed to get aliens these days, not incubi.
Like you needed a r-e-e-e-ally big bowl of garlic mayo, I’m guessin’.