Ground Swallow Me NOW!

You should check out the story of what happend to me and the gas station that I posted in the “Stupidest Thing You’ve Ever Done Thread”.
I am NOT repeating the story again!

I think I posted this in the thread ryan mentioned, but hey, it works here too. . .

It was raining and my shoes were wet as I walked into the J.C. Penney’s store that day. I wiped them off at the door, but they were still wet enough to squeak on the walkways as I headed through into the main part of the mall.

So, being a moron, I decided to do a little dance. Squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-


I’m on my back staring at the celing. When I sit up all the shoppers in the vicinity are looking at me. . . did I mention this happened on Saturday?
– Sylence

If a bird doesn’t sing, I’ll wait until it sings.

  • Tokugawa Ieyasu

I have far too many of these moments to relate, so I’ll just tell the most recent one.

a few weeks ago we were in a meeting discussing our Myers-Briggs scores and how to integrate the various personalities onto a team. Eventually the conversation came around to “the I’s never speak up in the meetings and the E’s never shut up.”

One of the E’s was sitting next to me and said “I can’t stand them not talking. Whenever I’m in a meeting I wonder how I can stimulate these people.”

In a flash I said “are you ribbed for my pleasure?”

The 63 shades of red she turned caused me to turn an additional 63 shades, and everyone else in the room to ask “What? What?”

I apologized for embarassing her, but we both slunk out of the meeting thoroughly humiliated.

I understand all the words, they just don’t make sense together like that.

if you think you had an embarrassing day…listen to this one…I once woke up in a hospital with intraveneous in both arms and a diaper on…the nurse came in and told me I peed the bed twice during the night. Let me tell you, that made me stop drinking hard liquor ever again

I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar

You think you have done emarassing things ?

HA !

In the wee hours of the morning after having been awake for right at 24 hours, and taking a higher dose than usual of tranquilizers I posted this.

I ment it as a joke, but am so afraid I offended someone.

I wanted to crawl under my bed when I got up this afternoon after getting some sleep !

I still can’t believe I posted that.

:frowning: :eek: :frowning:

" The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference."
Elie Wiesel

Winner SDMB Biggest Flirt (Female) and Least Shy (No Mom, I have no idea why they think that)

Don’t worry; five years from now you’ll remember it, laugh nervously and change the subject! :slight_smile:

Mine happened in High School. I was friends with the librarian, and one day I was telling her all about this kid who just annoyed the hell out of me, and I was describing him in detail when I noticed her grinning at me. Alluva sudden it dawned on me that the kids’ and her last name were the same…

She thought it was the funniest thing, and I avoided her for at least a week!


“Rudyard Kipling?”

“Don’t know; I’ve never Kippled!”

Okay, you want embarassing? I’ll give you embarrasing!

I was in seventh grade P.E. class. The gym teacher was droning on about some obscure aspect of whatever game we were going to play that week, and as usual, I was in the back with all the other nerds, refusing to take anything seriously. My friend and I were having a whispered conversation about random stuff, and somehow we started speculating about a cracking a raw egg in one’s ear, and having it drip out the other. Then, as now, I had a weird sense of humor.

Well, everything was fine up until he mimed cracking the egg, then sneezing. He then delivered the line that has haunted me ever since. “Hmm, do you need a Kleenex… or a frying pan?” Well, I burst into hysterical laughter. I also wet myself. Our gym uniforms were a light gray fabric, you know, the kind that goes very dark gray when it gets wet. So, my outburst of mirth had attracted a lot of attention, and I had this stain spreading across my shorts… I sat there, hunched over so that nobody could see, and so I stayed for the rest of the class. When class was dismissed, I very quickly rose and was the first out the door. Nobody saw the stain, so far, so good. I figured that I’d go hide in the toilet stalls in the locker room until everyone was gone, and then change.

Well, I did that. But then, the eighth grade softball team burst in to the locker room. They’d just had an exhilirating practice, or something, because they were all really hyper. One of them saw my feet under the stall partition, and I guess she mistook them for a pair belonging to a teammate, because she climbed on top of the toilet in the next stall to yell “WOOOOOOO!” at me. She then noticed that I wasn’t who she thought I was, and started to apologise, then noticed something else. “HEY!”, she yelled, so that the entire locker room could hear, “YOU PISSED YOUR PANTS!!!” All I can remember after that was five solid minutes of laughter, during which I just sat there holding my head in my hands. Finally, after everybody had left to spread the news around school, I was able to emerge and get dressed in the most abject humiliation. I didn’t even have a change of underwear. The end.

And that is how I came to be known as “Pissy Chrissie” to an entire generation of middle schoolers. The end.

P.S. I had my revenge during a subsequent P.E. class, though, when one of my chief tormentors couldn’t find another popular girl to hold her feet in place during our pre-game sit-ups, and was stuck with me, and let loose a massive fart. Oh, she tried to blame that one on me, but it was obvious who was undergoing the abdominal stress. And thusly was the middle-school angst karmic balance restored.

An infinite number of rednecks in an infinite number of pickup trucks shooting an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite number of road signs will eventually produce all the world’s great works of literature in Braille.

Wow, we could probobly have a whole thread about peeing yourself- here’s my story.

A friend of mine and I were at a local park with our boyfriends shooting hoops. She and I walked into the wooded area to go pee- we were very giggly anyway. We both had to pee in the WORST way, and we were giggling and looking all over for a place to go where the guys wouldn’t see us.

Well, it was dusk out. Just as we found a good place and started to take down our shorts, about a bazillion bats started flying around, some of them at our heads. So we were running, screaming, laughing and peeing everywhere. The guys were watching us in awe, as they couldn’t tell what we were running from!

They made us ride home in the bed of the truck because we both had pee soaked shorts on. :slight_smile:

(I hate it when that happens!)

“If I had to live your life, I’d be begging to have someone pop out both my eyes. Just in case I came across a mirror.” - android209 (in the Pit)
Voted “Most Empathetic”- can you believe that?

Everyone has been posting things that happened more recently than mine, but I’d stack the exquisite torment of childhood embarrassment up against any watered-down (piss stories notwithstanding) adult discomfort.

I was probably no more than five years old. My family and I had gone out to a local restaurant for dinner. I was just getting into going to use the restroom “all by myself.” So instead of asking Dad to come with me, I just got up from the table and headed off to the john.

When I was coming back, it apparently occurred to my 5-year-old mind that they might have been worried when they realized I was gone. So I marched up to the table and said in that room-filling voice five-year-olds have, “I just went to the bathroom.” I meant it in the sense of “don’t worry, all I did was go over there to the bathroom facility.” Unfortunately, it came out sounding more like “Guess what I just did? I tee-teed!”

Worse, it fell in one of those sudden lulls in the noise that restaurants occasionally have, and EVERYONE heard it. They sat in stunned silence for a second and then the whole restaurant erupted in laughter. I spent the rest of the meal under the table to hide my shame.

Live a Lush Life
Da Chef

Okay, so last week I had surgery to have my gallbladder removed…so during the night at the hospital I woke up every 3 hours in agony waiting for my pain medicine…which came in “shot” form…inserted in your hip/butt. Please keep in mind hospital gowns have no back, so when you get your shot your whole backside is vulnerable. No big deal right?

Well, as a young person who graduated from high school not to long ago…you can imagine my dismay when this young nurse rolls me over to give me a shot and says “Hey, don’t I know you from school…” I wanted to die!


I have my friend’s permission to share this one, as long as I don’t mention her name. About 3 years ago she worked at the popcorn place in the food court at Lackland AFB, here in San Antonio. One day as she bent over to get something from underneath, numerous hot popcorn kernels and popcorn suddenly popped out of the thing and into the front of her blouse. She jumped up screaming, and started to try to get out all of those VERY hot kernels. She then happened to look up and notice that 25-30 people were all looking in her direction, watching the show. Moritfied, but still in pain, she turned her back to continue getting the kernels out, only to see many more people behind her also watching. Finally, she gave up, and ran to the restroom, where she discovered that several kernels had left tiny burn marks on her chest, just above her top, so everyone would see them.
As she was telling another friend and I yesterday, our friend asked if she then ate any of the popcorn that had gone down her top. We all started laughing, and decided that none of us would ever think about popcorn in quite the same way. Personally, I may never eat popcorn again without laughing.

Seen on billboard near home:
Don’t make me come down there.