I think it is OK not to be invited, as long as your grown children keep in touch/visit you and your ex on a regular basis, but I think adult children should offer to help their parents with chores, grocery shopping, etc., if the parents are getting a bit older. I know of an adult daughter who lives 20 minutes from her parents, (her parents are older, and do not drive anymore), and the daughter visits them about 2 or 3 times a YEAR (holidays), and calls them maybe once every couple of months. In addition, she never ever offers to help them or anything at all. She sends them postcards from her travels. This daughter is selfish and spoiled, but, getting back to your situation, I think it is OK that your grown children do not invite you or your ex, as long as they are good children otherwise.
I would feel weird attending a party with his friends. Just last week there was a birthday party for my son (hosted by his girlfriend). We were in the area so we stopped in early (but after the announced start) and left early. Nice people but not a lot in common with them other than knowing the guest of honor. Other than the birthday, we wouldn’t have expected an invite or considered attending if one was received.
Does your ex invite the kids whenever he entertains?
I’ve never invited parents to anything. In my world, kids move relatively far away from parents to start their own lives and parents aren’t frequent flyers or wealthy. So it wouldn’t even be a consideration.
What is funny abut it is that when we were in our 30’s we had parties all the time and never invited family. We had seperate parties for families and friends just like our own kids are doing now. I think she forgets that.
I invite my mother to dinners and lunches and museum visits with some of my friends. She enjoys it, they enjoy her company, she’s happy, it doesn’t cost me anything except perhaps a bus ticket…
I would never invite her to RPG sessions with the same friends. She’d be bored to tears, unhappy and I’d never stop hearing how bored she’d been. Why would I invite her?
Either you are one of the parents in question, or you are hearing the complaint of the parents. But keep in mind, you are only telling one side of a story. I bet if we heard the other side, there are reasons for the estrangement.
I agree with Omar Little, your ex sounds insecure. Or, there’s some other chemistry there that’s gone wrong.
I bet your ex is the last person who should get invited to the kid’s events with their friends. If by some rare chance she should happen to wind up at the party without having planned to, I bet it’d bring the whole thing down. Just a hunch.
If I caught wind that my mother was sad that I hadn’t invited her to an affair focused on drinking, dancing, and general debauchery, I’d take this as confirmation that I had made the right decision.
I am not one of the parents in question, but yes, I am hearing the complaints of the elderly parents. There is no estrangement, the daughter simply does not visit her parents more than a couple of times a year. As I stated in my post, the daughter sends them postcards from her vacations, and can wait in long security lines at airports, etc., but does not have the decency to visit her parents or offer to help them in any way, whatsoever. I view her as a combination of lazy, selfish and spoiled. She said once she didn’t like being around “old people”, well, guess what, she will be old someday, too. In addition, there are some inconsistencies with this type of person, they won’t help out, yet they want to be kept in the will. Adult children who do help their aging parents have the upmost respect from me. I don’t like to use bad language, so I won’t say what I think of adult children that don’t give a hoot about their aging parents.
Whitney Harper, I help both my mother and my grandmother, but I’ll be extremely surprised if I shed a tear at the funeral of either one. When I heard that my grandfather on the same side had died, the only reason I didn’t dance a jig right then and there is that I was at work.
If all you know is her parents’ side, there may be very important “details” you don’t know.
Basically, all I know is what I told you. In addition, I know her husband was thinking of leaving her because she makes him do all of the cooking and laundry and she barely lifts a finger at her home. Her husband works full-time, and she does not work. Personally, I think she would be happier if she were helping her folks in some way, or did something productive in her life, besides traveling.
In that case, it sounds like her parents are better off without her. But no, there are cases where it’s totally a legitimate reason for a child to cut off contact with a parent, and then there are times when the kid’s just being a dick. I’ve known people in both situations.
I can’t help but think that’s at least partially a result of her upbringing.