That is interesting, I never knew there was a name for this phenomenon, I had this experience on and off throughout the college program I was in right up until just about the day I graduated.
That’s the first thing that came to my mind, too.
I tend to be right about my first impressions. I had a g/f who challenged me to meet a bunch of new folks at our local bar to make an opinion after only 30 seconds observation. Most of the time I don’t even have to speak to them. I’ve got a really good track record with most people. So far, the only time I was way off when I met a psycho woman who managed to hide behind her meds for over two years. Then when she ran out of pills, things got reeeallyy bad. Now I tend to converse w/ people before I make friends and try to stay aloof.
Looking at the poll results, I’m surprised to see that, so far, only one person has voted “I trust facts”. I’d have expected a much higher number.
It seems that gut feeling is an important tool for the overwhelming majority of us when evaluating human interactions.
The problem is, what facts. Self-doubt is a fact, but one I had to learn not to trust.
You know, after I made that post I began to consider how significant it was that I could even say what I did, because I definitely haven’t enjoyed a lifetime of popularity and social ease. In my younger years, I definitely struggled with liking people who didn’t like me back, so it is interesting to consider what changed.
I would attribute it to two key differences:
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Discovering the importance of being less self-centered. When you want a person to like you, it’s very easy to become preoccupied with trying to come across as funny or smart of impressive. But when you take the time to focus on other people, you take in a lot more about the person: what they’re passionate about, what makes them tick, whether they’re anxious or relaxed, etc. Focusing on the other person makes it a lot easier to distinguish between people you’d like to spend more time around, and people you don’t need in your life; it also makes you a far more likable person.
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When I began to focus on other people, I noticed the body language and behavior of people in social interactions, and realized how nervous people are when they interact with other people. They don’t like to start conversations, they’re not sure how to continue conversations, and after a conversation is over, they don’t know how to nurture the possible burgeoning friendship. (When I say “they,” I don’t mean everyone, but I do think it’s a clear majority, like maybe 80% of people.) If you have the balls to start a conversation with someone, or better yet, to extend an invitation to hang out outside of work (or whatever your current environment is), or to exchange phone numbers or somehow indicate that you want to keep in touch outside of the immediate moment, people are incredibly grateful. They reach the point where when they have the courage to start a conversation, you’re the first person they think of; when they throw a party, you’re the first person they want to invite, because you’ve made them feel safe and less vulnerable around you. The courage to make the first move makes you a likable person, and affords you the ability to be selective in terms of who you choose to become closer friends with.
Quick Update
I stumbled upon my coworker for the first time in almost a month yesterday and we had a brief but delightful conversation. It does indeed seem that I worry too much.
This is confirmed by analysing my thought-process in the minutes that followed. I left in an excellent mood, relieved that my doubts had proved unfounded. And then I started thinking about one of the very last thing I said : “I’ll drop by your office for a chat one of these days. Actually, I’m quite busy at the moment but when I’m done, I’ll sure come and say hello”.
And then, I started wondering how it must have sounded. I meant LET’S HANG OUT (not now, though, soon but) LET’S HANG OUT but I realized it could be interpreted as (empty offer) I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR YOU (empty offer). It’s not as bad as the last time but I really need to work on that and beat those self-defeating thoughts :smack: .
My gut feelings/split second assessments are really accurate, as adjudged by comparing my gut feelings about a new person to how I feel about the person after knowing him/her for a while.
I’ve a particular talent for identifying weird people immediately – both the “fun-quirky-weird” and “stay-away-from-weird” folk.
I’ve paid dearly a few times when I’ve ignored a gut feeling that I shouldn’t get involved with a person. I am drawn by powerful, successful women and seek them out as mentors. Years ago I got over-involved with a woman that my guts warned me about and it was catastrophic.
You sound like a near carbon copy of me 
I often have interactions that step into comfortable friendly conversations that seem like a genuine friendship doorway opening. It seems I consistently fail at making it through that door and actually gaining a real friend. I struggle with blaming myself for somehow turning off people, but I’m not sure if it’s really the case.
I’m in the Pacific NW, where the “Seattle Freeze” is a true social hurdle, and I probably shut down as many others stepping into friendship with me as I am shut down by others.