There’s a guy at work, X, he’s probably in his mid-to-late 50s. He’s always been a nice guys. I can’t say I’m friends with him, but we’ve often chatted about music or art. He’s a musician and has always been a bit of a flamboyant dresser (well, in our staid/frumpy office culture anyway), with porkpie hats and bowling shirts and seersucker suits (not all at once). He’s rather soft spoken and I believe he is quite friendly with a few people around the building.
Anyway, I’ve noticed over the last few months that he’s been looking a bit of a mess lately and sometimes giving off odors. I know he’s a smoker, so I thought he had been smoking a lot more — he smelled like a nightclub. I guess I’m a bit naive, because some of my colleagues said he was smelling of alcohol.
The realization kind of saddened me, and it also occurred to me that if I’ve noticed, then other people must have as well, so I started putting out feelers to some of my contacts in the union. I found out that X has a history of alcoholism and that for many years he was sober, but recently he’s relapsed.
Apparently, his mother is suffering from Alzheimer’s and the state is trying to put her in a home. And X’s live-in companion (I really don’t know what their relationship is) has basically moved out during the week to take care of her mother, who is also experiencing serious health problems.
Apparently people have noticed that X has been behaving “out of it” and often smelling as if he hasn’t bathed recently. I also found out that X’s boss’s boss caught him passed out at his desk and has “written him up.” Apparently, there was a disciplinary meeting at which he was told that if it happened again, he would be suspended and not allowed to return without proof that he was in a treatment program. Also, apparently X is trying to stay sober using Antabuse or some such medication, but he is resistant to counseling.
X stopped by my office to chat this morning and we made tentative plans to meet up for lunch later in the week. I really like the guy and I have an impulse to let him know that people do like him and I, at least, am hoping that he is able to pull himself together, because I’d hate to see him get fired—if nothing else, that would just make his situation worse.
But I have very little direct experience with drug or alcohol abuse and I have never considered reaching out to someone in this situation. I have no idea whether I can say anything that would help him. I certainly don’t want to make him defensive or push him in the wrong direction.
Basically, I just want to let him know that I’m pulling for him—I mean, the company is already looking after its interests, but I don’t know whether he really feels like anyone cares about him.
I have no idea whether anything I can say can be of any use. I certainly can’t offer him any direct advice or treatment and I can’t become his guardian or sponsor or anything like that (he’s probably 15-20 years older than me). So I’m just wondering if anyone here might have anything to say about what, if anything, might be a good way to approach him.
My wife has said that if I say anything, I shouldn’t offer sympathy. I should just remind him that everyone has problems and he needs to handle them. But my instinct is that he already has people telling him what he should do.
I don’t know. Any advice? Is there anything I can do that might be helpful or should I just keep my nose out of his business?