Guy at work is having drinking problems; what if anything should I do?

There’s a guy at work, X, he’s probably in his mid-to-late 50s. He’s always been a nice guys. I can’t say I’m friends with him, but we’ve often chatted about music or art. He’s a musician and has always been a bit of a flamboyant dresser (well, in our staid/frumpy office culture anyway), with porkpie hats and bowling shirts and seersucker suits (not all at once). He’s rather soft spoken and I believe he is quite friendly with a few people around the building.

Anyway, I’ve noticed over the last few months that he’s been looking a bit of a mess lately and sometimes giving off odors. I know he’s a smoker, so I thought he had been smoking a lot more — he smelled like a nightclub. I guess I’m a bit naive, because some of my colleagues said he was smelling of alcohol.

The realization kind of saddened me, and it also occurred to me that if I’ve noticed, then other people must have as well, so I started putting out feelers to some of my contacts in the union. I found out that X has a history of alcoholism and that for many years he was sober, but recently he’s relapsed.

Apparently, his mother is suffering from Alzheimer’s and the state is trying to put her in a home. And X’s live-in companion (I really don’t know what their relationship is) has basically moved out during the week to take care of her mother, who is also experiencing serious health problems.

Apparently people have noticed that X has been behaving “out of it” and often smelling as if he hasn’t bathed recently. I also found out that X’s boss’s boss caught him passed out at his desk and has “written him up.” Apparently, there was a disciplinary meeting at which he was told that if it happened again, he would be suspended and not allowed to return without proof that he was in a treatment program. Also, apparently X is trying to stay sober using Antabuse or some such medication, but he is resistant to counseling.

X stopped by my office to chat this morning and we made tentative plans to meet up for lunch later in the week. I really like the guy and I have an impulse to let him know that people do like him and I, at least, am hoping that he is able to pull himself together, because I’d hate to see him get fired—if nothing else, that would just make his situation worse.

But I have very little direct experience with drug or alcohol abuse and I have never considered reaching out to someone in this situation. I have no idea whether I can say anything that would help him. I certainly don’t want to make him defensive or push him in the wrong direction.

Basically, I just want to let him know that I’m pulling for him—I mean, the company is already looking after its interests, but I don’t know whether he really feels like anyone cares about him.

I have no idea whether anything I can say can be of any use. I certainly can’t offer him any direct advice or treatment and I can’t become his guardian or sponsor or anything like that (he’s probably 15-20 years older than me). So I’m just wondering if anyone here might have anything to say about what, if anything, might be a good way to approach him.

My wife has said that if I say anything, I shouldn’t offer sympathy. I should just remind him that everyone has problems and he needs to handle them. But my instinct is that he already has people telling him what he should do.

I don’t know. Any advice? Is there anything I can do that might be helpful or should I just keep my nose out of his business?

If it were me, I wouldn’t say anything about the drinking thing at all. He knows. He probably knows that you know. He probably knows that everyone knows.

Just invite the guy out to lunch a few times (no booze) and if he accepts, try to chat about normal things that aren’t related to his problems - does he have a favorite sports team or hobby or something that you could chat about.

I think that would be a lovely gesture, and wouldn’t require anything more than a couple of lunchtimes a week.

Can’t hurt, and as you get to know him better, and he either opens up to you about all the troubles or not, you’ll have a better idea what else you might be able to do that would be most helpful or supportive to him specifically.

Alcoholism is a nasty tragedy. Unfortunately, not much you can do. Listen to him, but don’t try to advise him. Alcoholics don’t generally take well to advice; at best they ignore it, at worst, they resent it.

I can’t imagine it would be taken amiss if you mention that you’ve heard he’s been going through a rough time (with regards to his mom, specifically) and that you want him to know that you and others are pulling for him and ask if there’s anything you can do to help. He’s definitely got some big things going on in his life that aren’t alcohol-related.

Seriously. Start by asking him if you can help. For some reason, OP, your story really touched me. He sounds like a really interesting, fun character, being hit by life broadside.

I agree. And I think your wife’s advice is horrible.

I would just say I noticed he seems to be going through some things lately and you’re available to talk or listen if he wants. I definitely wouldn’t say anything about the alcohol. It’s not like one more person mentioning it is going to do the trick when he’s already dealing with disciplinary problems at work and who knows what else, and if he’s been sober for years before then he already knows about that.

I didn’t even catch that part. “Everyone has problems and he just needs to learn how to handle them?” Ouch. You might as well just walk up to him and say “Suck it up, Princess”.

Good gods. His mother is suffering from Alzheimer’s! That is not a small problem.

Yes, my wife has empathy problems. She is from India, after all :smiley:

Thanks all for the advice. I’ll play it cool and just hang out and ask if he’s doing alright. I won’t bring up alcohol.

If it’s someone you’re relatively friendly with, you could ask if there’s anything he would like you to do. Like, maybe you could offer to bring over a casserole so he doesn’t have to cook that night. Or if he has kids, to babysit for an evening. With or without the alcohol and job in the picture, he’s still going through a hard time. That’s the kind of thing I’d offer a good colleague/friend in need. Maybe try to get his phone number (if you don’t already have it), so that if he does get fired or take a leave of absence, you can still get in touch with him.

Unless your company is a big fat jerk, the write-ups are just going to make sure he gets into rehab. They’re not likely going to fire him, they’ll treat it like a short-term disability or paid medical leave. Maybe a few weeks off at 60% of normal wages (give or take) would be the best thing that could happen to him now.

Alcoholism is a disability that is covered by the ADA. While a current illegal user of drugs is not protected by the ADA if an employer acts on the basis of such use, a person who currently uses alcohol is not automatically denied protection. An alcoholic is a person with a disability and is protected by the ADA if s/he is qualified to perform the essential functions of the job. An employer may be required to provide an accommodation to an alcoholic. However, an employer can discipline, discharge or deny employment to an alcoholic whose use of alcohol adversely affects job performance or conduct. An employer also may prohibit the use of alcohol in the workplace and can require that employees not be under the influence of alcohol.

As a preventative measure against losing his job, he could go to HR and advise them that he has alcoholism and ask for accommodations (could be a leave of absence for rehab, for example, or maybe occasional absences, if he can still perform essential functions of his position while having such absences). If no one knew and he could still hide it, this would probably be contraindicated; but if “everyone” knows, then HR probably knows already. Once he advises them of his disability, HR will then be required to engage in the interactive process with him and he might be less likely to get fired because they will be concerned about a disability discrimination lawsuit. This approach is not for everyone or every situation but it is one approach. This is not legal advice, just some ADA info.

No, we are all convinced nobody knows and we are pulling it off. :frowning:

What tesseract said is the best path, both legally and personally, but it requires some sort of intervention by you, which may not be greeted as the kind advice it is offered as. I don’t envy you or him if HR doesn’t do what it should as a followup to his boss’s boss’s writeup.

This is excellent advice.

I have a colleague currently in treatment for alcoholism, but that alcoholism has been her way of self-treating her emotional issues. I susect this is the case for many alcoholics. Now she is having to deal with both her emotional issues, and the alcohol withdrawal. I have no experience of alcoholism so couldn’t offer much support there, but I think she has apreciated my support with her emotional issues.

An alcoholic is so much more than their alcohol problem, yet that’s often what people focus on. I think it would be a bit of a relief for the person to have someone talk to them about the other things going on in their life, and to offer support with that.

This is exactly what I would do.

Have lunch, extend some “man, you’ve got a hell of a lot going on” sympathy, and just be a friend.

As I said in the OP, he’s already been in a disciplinary meeting with union reps present. I can’t imagine that happening without HR’s knowledge.