Anyone no how to cure a pit bull with gas? Not that I’m not proud of him for his overwhelming emissions, but damn I gotta breath at least long enough to smoke a joint. Work sucks tonight, but at least I get fresh air here.
PitBullDawg
Anyone no how to cure a pit bull with gas? Not that I’m not proud of him for his overwhelming emissions, but damn I gotta breath at least long enough to smoke a joint. Work sucks tonight, but at least I get fresh air here.
PitBullDawg
A-har, ye scurvy dogs!
Drink Bushmills whisky (the official whisky of the “Guy Stuff” thread)!
I’m glad to see we finally have a decent sponsor on the message board home page.
::heads to the tax-free package store to pick up a case::
Damn it UncleBeer! Where’s my credit card?! Someone hurry up and get over here and drink this beer before it goes bad or something… and no, I’m NOT wearing one of those tacky french maid outfits… it will clash with my leather.
Having recovered his laptop, glee lies in hospital staring in disbelief at the screen, mumbling ‘Beer, french maid outfits, leather miniskirts…’.
He bursts into song…
‘I gotta get out this place,
if it’s the last thing I ever do
I gotta get out this place,
Girl there’s a better life for me and you…’
Unfortunately hospital orderlies move in smoothly with the straitjacket - can no-one help our frustrated party goer?
Why doesn’t the sun come out at night when the light would be more useful? (Pratchett)
Eh glee ! You a goer ? Nudge nudge, say no MORE ! Know what I mean ?
Coldfire
“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
I bet she does, I bet she DOES! Wink wink, nudge nudge! A wink’s as good as a nod to a blind bat, eh?
Hey PitBull, pour some of this into his bowl hands him one of the bottles which do not look like milk bottles Thatll clear out his system in a hurry. snort
CheifScott, save some whiskey for me, willya?
BBRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKK!!!
Barge comin’ through!
Knock knock!
::::Cristi enters glee’s room, in a nurses uniform:::
Well hello there, Mr. Glee! And how are we feeling today? I hope we’re feeling better. It’s time to take you down to X-Ray now, okay? Here, let me help you into this wheelchair…
:: :opens door:::
Oh c’mon glee, you didn’t think I was a real nurse, did ya? Let’s get going!
Don’t worry about the cops outside your door. My chest looks pretty good in this nurses outfit. They never looked at my face.
What? Oh geez, I’m sorry! Of course I can get you out of that straightjacket. Just a sec.
:::rummages through purse:::
Here we go! Don’t you just love Swiss Army Knives? I’ve got a straightjacket key right here. There! All set! Now let’s get out of here. There’s much alcohol waiting for us! Yes, indeed, you most certainly do owe me.
::kicks door open with foot::
Okay Falcon and Coldfire, here’s the case of JD you wanted…are you two getting personally involved under that table or what?
Buncha amateurs. Here, UncleBeer, grab the case; toss one to the Chief, or brain him with it if he keeps bitching about Bushmills.
You wouldn’t believe the crazies I saw on the “booze run”. First there was this high-stepping idiot in a kilt (and a high wind) chasing after something that looked like wombat with a bad case of mange.
Then, I kid you not, there was this doofus in a hospital gown, pedalling away on a damned bicyle, like a Tour de France champ that never heard of dress codes. But get this, he had this total babe nurse draped cosily over the handlebars! He looked a little glazed, but both sporting shitgrins like a mule eating thistles.
Some people have no common sense.
Hey, I picked up some Frankenstuff hot dogs. Ever wonder if they explode in a microwave?
jtm, pour me a drink while I ask Ayesha where she bought those wicked leather hot pants…
Ooh! Ooh! Pass me the hot dogs!
I did this with a poodle once…
bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt ding FLOOMPH
Coooool. Pass me some of that JD, would ya?
JMCJ
“John C., it looks like you have blended in very nicely.”
-UncleBeer
:::kicks open door:::
Hey all! Damn it’s cold out there! Do not ever ride on the hadlebars of a bicycle in weather like this. You know the tongue-on-the-flagpole scene from A Christmas Story? My butt feels like that.
Glee will be in shortly. He’s still in shock. This is all a bit much for him. He’s clutching his laptop like Linus’s security blanket. I’ll just take him a beer.
Has anyone got any sweats or something I could borrow? This nurse outfit is not exactly thermal, and the way you gentlemen are not looking at my face should tell you one thing–yes, I am cold. Hey, is that Bushmill’s?
:::knocks back shot, front of uniform gets slightly smoother:::
Much better! Thank you!
Christi said:
Damn it’s cold out there!
Thanks for letting me back in Christi. I was shaking the weasel when the door fell shut.
Hey… Jayyyyyy Deeeeeee !!
slams bottle on the table
ARE YOU FEELIN’ LUCKY PUNKS ? WELL, ARE YA ?? HUH ??
Coldfire
“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
Ummmm…just got back from my yearly “evaluation” in our nation’s capitol… I told them that this time I had a real great job in “Computer Lifestyle System Development”, and left UncleBeer’s address as my supervisor, and y’all as references, so please don’t blow the whistle, or it’s back to the hogpen for me…
OK, right, but I got three bags of cheap fireworks at the Alabama line! Cristi, check this out: “Ten Thousand Flaming Fingers” “Emits showers of sparks and general mayhem”-Here ya go! Think there’s plenny left for everyone… what’s your fave?
Christi said:
Damn it’s cold out there!
Thanks for letting me back in Christi. I was shaking the weasel when the door fell shut.
Hey… Jayyyyyy Deeeeeee !!
slams bottle on the table
ARE YOU FEELIN’ LUCKY PUNKS ? WELL, ARE YA ?? HUH ??
Coldfire
“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
This booze is REALLY getting to me. Now I’m sandwiching Ellelle, all by myself ! And it wasn’t even on purpose…
Solution: MORE JD.
Coldfire
“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
This booze is REALLY getting to me. Now I’m sandwiching Ellelle, all by myself ! And it wasn’t even on purpose…
Solution: MORE JD.
Coldfire
“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
This booze is REALLY getting to me. Now I’m sandwiching Ellelle, all by myself ! And it wasn’t even on purpose…
Solution: MORE JD.
Coldfire
“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
:::Spreading mo better mayo:::
Oh yeah, stopped by the JD Distillery in Lynchburg, and after a few well-placed Southern niceties, got us a special Millenium Barrel. Thank the Lord for sweetness & tight sweaters!
:::kicks barrel with a mud-caked boot:::
Happy New Fucking Amsterdam, C’Fire!!!
I’ll drink to that… and I hope I don’t do it three times again 
Coldfire
“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
OOooooooo…more JD! (Although, random factoid. You can’t buy JD at the distillery in Lynchburg…it’s in a dry county in Tennessee. How wrong is THAT?)
Hey COLD! Looks like we’re both still standing…I still think I can drink ya under the table, hon! grabs bottle, knocks half of it back
“But I can cry until I laugh or laugh until I cry.
So cut the deck right in half, I’ll play from either side…”
- Mary Chapin Carpenter