Similarities and Differences Between Female and Male Sexual Offenders
By Monica Applewhite, Ph.D. Expert in standards of care and the dynamics of abuse in educational and religious environments.
On the other hand, some in this thread are just SOBs.
The overwhelming majority of terrorists are Muslim, but pointing that out is an unforgivable sin and vehemently condemned. Of course, the overwhelming majority of Muslims are NOT terrorists. Facts are facts.
Some rough calculations.
New Hampshire population: 1.3 million. Therefore, approximate # of males = 650,000. NH abuse cases in 2012: over 2000 More Than 2,000 Child Sex Abuse Cases in 2012 | Nashua, NH Patch. 2000/650000 =0.00307692308 = .31 percent.
99.7% of males in NH are NOT child molesters. I’d call that “overwhelming”.
Facts are facts. I’m sure you agree. Right?
I have been in a position to feel nervous about possible Parental Freak-Out, even though I must admit I either haven’t encountered it or haven’t noticed it when it happened.
I’m a big guy who can be a bit scary-looking to people who don’t know me. By “people” I mean “grown-ups,” because kids almost exclusively look at me and see, not a predator or scary man, but a piece of playground equipment. I used to take Lil’ Miss Sous-Chef to the play area at Chick-Fil-A on Saturdays (this was before they weighed in on the Gay Menace – we don’t go there anymore), and whenever I sat on the benches inside the play area like the sign said I was supposed to, within a few minutes there was always some little kid (usually a girl, what’s worse) who would come talk to me and eventually try to climb in my lap, etc. I finally quit sitting in there because I was really paranoid that some parent would FINALLY look up from their cell phone and see their little snowflake OMG within arm’s reach, assume I was about to fist them right there in the restaurant, and go into full-fledged PFO.
Of course, one thing that hasn’t been addressed in here is that parents have a certain amount of justification in being wary of guys like me… because their kids are so easy to trick. I remember once I was in Toys 'R Us looking for a Wallace & Gromit video for Chef Jr. I struck up a conversation with a woman who was browsing the videos near me; she periodically interrupted herself to call out to her daughter, who looked about four – “Julie! Stay where I can see you.”
We finished our conversation and I went in search of the Pokemon toys. A few minutes later, I faintly heard her saying, “Julie? Where are you?” I looked up and saw the girl, and without a second thought I walked up to her and said, “Julie? Your mom is looking for you. Follow me and I’ll take you to her.”
And that little girl followed me without any fear or reluctance. Why shouldn’t she? I knew her name! I invoked the magic phrase “Your mom wants you.” :eek:
It wasn’t until after I’d reunited the two of them that it occurred to me how easy it would have been to lead her right out of the store, never to be seen again. It gave me the shakes, it really did.
So as a parent, I kind of get it. So many kids are so not-scared of strangers, that their parents feel the need to be scared on the kids’ behalf. It still sucks to be guilty until proven innocent, though.
Dude, you’re 23. Wait a few years.
Yes; it really screens out annoying callers I find. My view for years has been if you aren’t willing to leave a message, then you almost certainly aren’t someone I want to talk to. And if I’m in hearing range of the phone and it is a call I want I’ll pick up the phone if possible, so it’s not like I’m missing out on them.
For a brief period one summer Drewtwo99 when I was about 8 I spent time with an adult distant cousin and his partner, had a great time and was well looked after 
Question for parents.
I’m a single bloke in my mid thirties, and I often go to the cinema alone. If you saw me watching what is ostensibly a kids film - in this instance Wreck It Ralph - would you think it was creepy? I’ve put off going to see it, partly because I don’t want to upset people. Also because being in a cinema full of screaming kids is obnoxious…
As a male librarian I’ve gotten a few weird looks from parents when their kids approach the “strange man just sitting in the library” (who is sitting under a massive sign that says INFORMATION and is wearing the same employee ID as all the women) and start talking to him. But only once has a parent actually gone into freakout mode.
A little girl approached me looking for some book or video or something. And I started to look it up when her mother screamed across the library, “Don’t bother him, he has work to do! Ask one of THE LADIES instead.” Her emphasis, not mine.
Of course, THE LADIES pointed at me and said, “He’s the librarian, you have to talk to him.” The girl started bounding back over until the mother screamed, “Wait for me!” The distance between the circulation desk (with THE LADIES) and the reference desk (with me) is about ten feet. There are no dark corners to go down and no obstructions to prevent the mother from seeing her daughter the entire time. So naturally, the kid was completely baffled by “Wait for me!”
Since that day I’ve decided that these kinds of parents don’t deserve any kind of consideration or understanding. They’re bigots, plain and simple. So if a kid asks me a question now, the first thing I say is “follow me” and I bring them directly to the book they want. The kids are always thrilled that they did it all by themselves.
That profile is very old, I never changed it. I’m actually 32. So nine years of surprisingly not getting treated like a pariah just because I’m a guy. I definitely spent a fair share of time sitting on a bench reading a paper and never got any complaints or was asked to move.
I have two nephews, under ten years of age. They are of a difference race than I (on my wife’s side). I’ve looked after them many times, with no complaints. I will take them to a park near my house that many other families visit, and I can’t think of a single time anybody said anything negative or complained that a white guy was running around with two little mexican kids. Nor did I ever feel paranoid about it.
In regards to movies, I think people are, again, over thinking this. Do you really notice a lone guy in a dark movie theater? I dont. The only advice I can give is that its probably a bad idea to sit next to a kid by yourself if there are plenty of other adjacent empty seats, but this applies to sitting next to ANYONE realistically.
Of course not; but then, I don’t have a paranoia of men. I wouldn’t notice a lone black guy either; but a KKK* member might well do so.
*Yes, I know that’s not a very nice comparison, but I can’t think of a nice analogy to someone who thinks men should be regarded as child molesters by default.
Yes, but that’s probably because I’m there on my own, and normally there early, to get a good seat, so I get to see everyone walk in.
I may well be an exception here.
I was in a control room (not sure if thats the correct terminology) of a local cinema which had monitors showing the interior of each screen showing the audience.
I’m sure that wasn’t the purpose for the CCTV but the staff did point out at least one lone male in the audience and commented on it in my presence. More in a ‘look at this loser’ sense than ‘we’d better keep an eye on this guy’, but it was still noted…and still not a particularly pleasant thing to do.
Glad you think I’m a loser 
Better than thinking I’m a paedo I guess!
I’ve come across that attitude before, but I’ve never understood why sitting in a dark room and not talking to people is a necessarily social activity…
That wasn’t my opinion! Just that of the controllers/security staff.
Maybe she’d been raped before? I don’t think pointing out how “clean cut” and well dressed you were means much, rapists don’t only dress grungy. I find it interesting that you’re taking her precautions personally, considering you don’t know what her history is, and it doesn’t really affect you in any meaningful way.
Again, you don’t know if she’s been assaulted before or by who and what he looked like and what the circumstances were. Just like child molesters don’t wear signs and dress a certain way, neither do rapists. Parking garages are one location women are taught to be extra cautious around. Maybe she had been traumatized and something about the situation triggered something for her? I don’t understand the intense personal offense you’re taking to her actions. Both of these situations sound less like “look how women constantly think I’m a rapist even when I’m doing nothing at all!” and more like someone who may have been traumatized before being extra careful in the future.
My anecdote:
I was in a Target store walking down a main aisle near a clothing area, and as I approached, I saw a little kid alone in a mostly empty shopping cart, and he was obviously looking to climb down. By the time I got close he was quite precariously poised to make a maneuver that would be difficult to describe, except to say that it looked like he’d either fall on the hard tile, or worse, fall AND tip the cart enough to fall on top of him.
Without really thinking, I pretty much lunged at the last second and grabbed him by the hips, and then became aware of my predicament. I immediately called out “MOM!” or some such, but of the people in the area, I wasn’t sure who the kid belonged to. I didn’t want to put the kid back in the cart, which might be tricky, and he’d probably just try to climb out again. I also didn’t want to let go of the kid now that he was free of his constraints, since he might wander off, making me complicit in his escape. And I **really **didn’t want to keep holding on to this kid either!
Somewhat luckily, I didn’t have to wait in that state of indecision too long, when the mother appeared from behind some racks of clothes with a look equal parts “WTF are you doing with my kid?” and “I couldn’t care less if he suffered a concussion.” I quickly explained he was climbing out and about to fall, but her expression didn’t change and she didn’t say a word, leading me to believe that she really would have preferred her unsupervised kid suffer whatever fate awaited him rather than have me touching him.
And yep, chances are good that if I’m ever in a similar situation, I’m just gonna watch the next kid fall while I wish 'em luck…
Sorry, thought the smiley would make it clear I realised that!
She pulled a weapon out of her purse and clutched it in her hands while staring intently at me. Do you think this is defensible as a reasonable action? :dubious:
I don’t give a flying fuck what her personal history is. It was goddamned stupid and I prepared myself against the possibility of defending myself from assault just as I would if any other person pulled out a weapon while looking at me in an enclosed space. Hell, if anything I gave her more leeway, since if a man had done it, I would have straight out told him to put it away before he got hurt and then put myself in a defensive posture.
Ah OK, just don’t like unintentionally offending someone. 
I’m kind of inclined to agree with this.
There used to be this PSA type commercial out there. I can’t remember the exact wording they used but the over all message was: “Don’t think you’re a racist? Maybe you are:”
And to illustrate this they show a Black man walking through a dark (presumably late at night) parking garage. He gets to an elevator. When the elevator opens up there is a single little white woman standing in there. As he steps on to the elevator, she clinches her purse tightly, as if scared. The black man just shakes his head in disgust.
Every time I saw that damn commercial, I wanted to throw a brick at my TV. I mean, come on. A single lady alone at night, in the elevator of a dark parking garage? I’m pretty sure skin color had nothing to do with her apprehension.
I mean, seriously.