That’s right! Cower in terror as the potassium salts of fatty acids rain down on your thorax. Writhe in agony while the lipophilic carbon chains disrupt the lipoprotein matrix of your cellular membranes, causing your cells to puke forth their innards and perish. I fuck your mother in the ass with a soldier beetle! (Actually, I dunk your mother in a high concentration bleach solution, but it’s not as poetic.) And, as you breathe your last, whimper in contemplation of the irony that the poison sucking out your life force is so safe for me that we humans use it as a food additive!
Muahahahahaaaaa!
Sorry. I’m new to vegetable gardening. I swear, it’s better than big game hunting.
There have been many roaches hanging out on the deck at night lately so I have enjoyed turning the light on and crunching them into oblivion. The other night I caught two that were in mid-coitus so it was especially satisfying as they could not get away and I killed untold future generations. Muhahahahah!!!
That’s what you think. As we speak the eggs are hatching from the bottom of your shoe, I’ll bet we have to nuke your house from orbit, just to make sure.
Beautiful OP. Truly a work of art. I just can’t get that worked up over something that kills off the despicable plant known as squash. I had always classified squash bugs as one of the beneficial insects, like ladybugs.
I don’t think I can work up the righteous hatred for roaches (we don’t have them, thank Og), or dandelions (which are happily building soil in our back yard as I type). But ants, man. That has potential. I’ll work on it.
Projammer, you know you can always eat the squash flowers, stuffed with cheese and pan-fried. Mario Batali has a recipe that made it hard to leave the flowers long enough for them to become squash.
As for ladybugs being beneficial, this may be true, but did you know they bite? I’ve been bitten a couple times, and my family won’t believe me!
Oh, and I guess y’all suppose the fury of the OP could only be testosterone fueled, but in fact, I’m a girl - a really bloodthirsty girl.
If squash bugs are the things I think they are, they’re the reason I can no longer enjoy coriander - because the little bastards smell a bit like it when they are crushed.
I bloody hate true bugs (Hemiptera) anyway - they often have very grippy feet and although most of them (notable exceptions exist) aren’t interested in biting humans, there’s something very wrong about an insect that lands on you and can’t be shaken off.
I’ve had similar feelings when I put out Terro for the ants that have the audacity to invade my kitchen. I put out a blob of the liquid, then see the ants surrounding it, drinking from the trough, and I get this peaceful, easy feeling, knowing that they’re not only going to die soon, but also bring that stuff back to feed their babies and kill them, too. “Come to papa, drink deeply, little ants, for today is a good day to die”.
Same think when I put out some rat poison (marauding rats invading the area of my trash bins)…seeing that the pile of poison pellets I put out the night before had been consumed gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling that those varmits are going to die a miserable death. Maybe squirrels ate it, but c’est la vie; they’re just rats with bushy tails, anyway.
I confess that (partially inspired by the OP) I went out yesterday and hit the Japanese beetles with permethrin spray, enjoying as they stopped eating and copulating (often doing both simultaneously, like George Costanza), staggered and fell over onto their nasty little backs, twitching.
Later for the cabbage loopers, as they are doomed to imbibe Bacillus thuringiensis toxin in an organic festival of Doom.
