I apologize ahead of time for bastardizing The Bard’s great work. Sorry, my bad.
Written some time ago in around 15 minutes as a sort of pop quiz writting assignment; but still rather humorous (IMHO). There is just something about the very concept of raspberry pudding. . . .
----Begin Transcript----
“My Liege My Liege!” Came the guard screaming as he ran into the throne room. “Your brother has escaped from his cage again!”
“Claudius? Escaped? AGAIN?” Asked the king, who signed after receiving a nod of affirmation from the reporting guard. “How in the world did this happen? Did I not tell you to keep the dead bolt locked this time?”
“Well we had just unlocked the door to throw some scraps of raw meat in to him,”
“WHAT? You where feeding him?” Screamed out the king.
“Err, we kind of felt sorry for the poor chap.”
“Sorry for him? He has eaten three of your men so far, why should you feel sorry for him?”
“Four sir.”
“Four?”
“He has eaten four of my men.”
The king let out a deep sigh; “Ok he has eaten four of your men, please pray tell why you felt sorry for him?”
“Well He was going on with that insistent howling He does, sounded darn well like an injured lemur elephant crossbreed had gotten in the room and started dying.”
“You still needn’t have fed him.”
“Aye sir, but. . . . well I am sorry;”
“Five.”
“What sire?”
“Five, by the time this day is done he shall have eaten five of your men.”
“Yes sire. . . . .” said the now visibly shaken guard, realizing his soon to be impending doom.
“If you find him it wil not be you.”
“WHOOPIEEE!!!” Shouted the guard somewhat over enthusiastically.
<Scene, Ophelia’s room>
“Stop licking me damnit!” Shouted a somewhat distressed Ophelia.
“But you taste just like chocolate Jello!”
“They do not make chocolate Jello, you mean pudding?”
“No definitely chocolate Jello, though maybe raspberry Pudding.”
“I’m leaving” said a now quite miffed Ophelia.
<Scene, Hamlet’s room>
“Please stop gnawing on my leg Uncle Claudius.”
“But it tastes like raspberry, err I mean chocolate pudding.”
“Stop gnawing on my leg.”
“Ok.”
Claudius sulks off into the background and out of the room.
<Scene, Throne room>
“Now Claudius, I though that we already had this discussion. No leaving your cage. Ever.”
“Bu…”
“No buts, just get back in there right now!”
“Yes my brother. . . .” said Claudius as he shuffled off back towards the castle’s tower.
Suffice to say, next time Claudius got out he mistakenly tried to share with his brother something that he thought was chocolate pudding, but was no quite such. Further proof of Claudius’s madness is proven since he tried to pour this supposed chocolate pudding into his brother’s ear. Claudius himself had not had any of this ‘pudding’, apparently wishing to give all of this great treat to his dearly beloved brother.
----end transcript----
I hate doing dialog, descriptive scenes are a lot easier. I could write for pages on the beauty of a flower, but darn it, I have the worst time with even just a few lines of dialog!
You can see halfway through the story where I just gave up on listing who said what and started to hope that it was just intuitive. Only two people ever appear at once in a scene any ways. Any help on how the heck to do dialog without making it seem so faked would be well appreciated. 
If you think this is lame you should read my It Came From The Abyss story. Yes it is actually capitalized like that, and yes there are plenty of self references throughout the entire story commenting on that. (actualy the capitolization is worse since I was not limited by vB code. )
Including a half page rant on the authors stupidity of choosing such a hard to type story title, along with a sudden IRS audit, that all happens while the earth is being destroyed.
Rather bizarre actually. 