Hammacher Schlemmer and the moonshiners

[mbh]

The new Hammacher Schlemmer catalog is out. (How my 90-year-old mother got onto their mailing list, I don’t know. But it is an interesting catalog.)

On the cover of the catalog, and on the homepage of their website, is this:

The Handcrafted European Copper Distiller - Hammacher Schlemmer

The Handcrafted European Copper Distiller

It uses the same principles of alchemy developed over 1,200 years ago by Alkindus, renowned as the “father of perfume distillation”. Its hand-hammered copper 7.9-gallon cucurbit is filled with water and your preferred fragrant plant leaves (such as lavender, peppermint, or thyme). The cucurbit’s liquid can be heated via an included propane burner or by a small fire as was done during the 9th century. The boiled liquid produces oil vapor that moves to the condensing pot where it is cooled and converted into a concentrated distillate.

Perfume. Yeah. Right.

I kept hearing Buddy Ebsen’s voice in my head.
[Jed Clampett]That’s a mighty fine still you got there, Granny. Hope the revenuers don’t bust it up.[/Jed Clampett]

What percentage of the purchasers do you think will use it to make perfume?
What percentage of the purchasers do you think will use it to make moonshine?

[Miller]

I don’t know a lot about the moonshine industry, but my impression is that it’s a field with very narrow profit margins that is only attractive to people pretty far out on the “poverty” end of the economic spectrum.

Those things cost 500 each.

So, I’m guessing “Not a lot.”

[mbh]

OK, maybe “moonshine” was a bad word choice.

There are rich people who dabble in wine-making.
There are rich people who dabble in beer-brewing.

Surely there must be rich people who want to try their hand at whiskey-making?

[sitchensis]

My bet is craft distilling will be the next cool thing in a few years.

[thelurkinghorror]

Hammacher Schlemmer is a master at parting yuppies from their money, so I can imagine someone wanting to harness the healing power of asa foetida or some crap.

@sitchensis

My bet is craft distilling will be the next cool thing in a few years.

Like the booze equivalent of craft brewing? It’s been a thing for a couple years now, though it might depend on your state and whether they are willing to grant licenses. Home distilling? Illegal in the US.

[rbroome]

@thelurkinghorror

Hammacher Schlemmer is a master at parting yuppies from their money, so I can imagine someone wanting to harness the healing power of asa foetida or some crap.

Like the booze equivalent of craft brewing? It’s been a thing for a couple years now, though it might depend on your state and whether they are willing to grant licenses. Home distilling? Illegal in the US.

Hence the sale of a perfume distiller. Nothing illegal about that no sirree!

[Defensive_Indifference]

Hammacher Schlemmer and The Moonshiners sounds like a one-hit Americana group of insufferable hipsters.

[Gatopescado]

“… floral waters and essential oils…”

Uh, yeah. That’s right! That’s what I’m doing out here in the garage, I’ll tell my wife!

[Beckdawrek]

Hey essential oils are expensive. I would do it. I ain’t paying $500. for the privilege, but it seems like a fun thing. Until it explodes.

[Jophiel]

@Miller

I don’t know a lot about the moonshine industry, but my impression is that it’s a field with very narrow profit margins that is only attractive to people pretty far out on the “poverty” end of the economic spectrum.

Yeah, the Venn diagram overlap between backwoods hooch drinkers and Hammacher Schlemmer customers has to be extremely narrow.

That said, I’m waiting with excited anticipation for their $370 Pruno kit.

[Darren_Garrison]

It makes me think of some old female-oriented magazines from the 1970s that used to be in a drawer at my house when I was a kid (maybe some of the “true crime” types? Not the big name glossies) when–going from the number of ads in the back–there was a huge market for battery operated “back massagers.”

[zoid]

When you can get a 1.75 liter handle of vodka for just over $10 going to the trouble of distilling your own becomes much less attractive. And whiskey is all about aging in charred barrels if you want something good; if you just wan to get hammered $10 ain’t that hard to scrape up.

[Oredigger77]

For those of you interested in trying this at home remember that 20 gallons is really the minimum size to make defend cuts and not have terrible booze.though those 1/2 barrel keg stills do alright.

For the whole moonshiner -> craft distiller market Discovery just ran an episode about it. Which is apparently behind a pay wall but I found a trailer for the episode.

[xizor]

@Darren_Garrison

It makes me think of some old female-oriented magazines from the 1970s that used to be in a drawer at my house when I was a kid (maybe some of the “true crime” types? Not the big name glossies) when–going from the number of ads in the back–there was a huge market for battery operated “back massagers.”

Yes, or the equivalent plant growing apparatuses advertised in male-oriented magazines, complete with testimonials from people bragging about the size of the buds on their tomato plants :rolleyes:.

[Beckdawrek]

Hooch can make you blind, guys.

[Darren_Garrison]

@Beckdawrek

Hooch can make you blind, guys.

But he died at the end!

[Doctor_Jackson]

@Miller

I don’t know a lot about the moonshine industry, but my impression is that it’s a field with very narrow profit margins that is only attractive to people pretty far out on the “poverty” end of the economic spectrum.

Actually, moonshine has huge profit margins. That’s why people will risk long stints of jail time and the forever moniker “convicted felon” to make/transport/sell it.

Rough numbers: $20 worth of corn, water, sugar and yeast will beget about 8 gallons of mash and, in turn, 3-5 gallons of hooch. Said hooch sells for $20-30 per quart on average. That comes out to somewhere between $240 and $600 for one run of the still of the approximate size mentioned in the OP. At worst, using high end supplies and getting low yields, 3 runs pays for the still and all ingredients and would put one firmly in the black financially.

Substantial money can be made. Not enough to tempt me when compared to a 5 year, $10,000 downside, but substantial nonetheless.

[zoid]

Who the hell is paying $20-$30 a quart for moonshine when you can get pretty good vodka for that price?

[Little_Nemo]

@Doctor_Jackson

Actually, moonshine has huge profit margins. That’s why people will risk long stints of jail time and the forever moniker “convicted felon” to make/transport/sell it.

Rough numbers: $20 worth of corn, water, sugar and yeast will beget about 8 gallons of mash and, in turn, 3-5 gallons of hooch. Said hooch sells for $20-30 per quart on average. That comes out to somewhere between $240 and $600 for one run of the still of the approximate size mentioned in the OP. At worst, using high end supplies and getting low yields, 3 runs pays for the still and all ingredients and would put one firmly in the black financially.

Substantial money can be made. Not enough to tempt me when compared to a 5 year, $10,000 downside, but substantial nonetheless.

Why would anyone pay twenty or thirty dollars for a quart of homemade booze? You can go to any liquor store and get a bottle of vodka or whiskey for half that price.

I can understand why moonshining was a profitable business during prohibition. But I don’t understand why anyone has done it since 1933.

ninja’d by zoid.

[Darren_Garrison]

He doesn’t seem wrong–when I googled for buy moonshine, this is the top site for me.