Han Solo prequel planned

[iiandyiiii]

Bravo!

[Biffster]

@Stranger_On_A_Train

The Lonely Gigolo, which Alessan tacitly referred to, is a little known Lucasfilm, Ltd. television production in late 1979 about a disgraced Jedi in training and aging male prostitute sitting to the right of Chewie and Obi-Wan at the Mos Eisley Cantina which actually features the first appearance of Jar-Jar Binks in a surprisingly dramatic role as an Imperial toll taker on the official route to Kessel, and a cameo by Jimmie Walker as an early characterization of what would become Lando Calrissian promoting Ovaltine malted milk (“Works on a dime!”). The basic story is that the eponymous hero, whose name is only learned in the end (no spoilers, but he is intimately related to the Solos, Skywalkers, and a family of intersex Bothans), has to escort a reptile princess to Alderaan in time for a very prestigious political council/orgy, and the events that occur on their wayward travels. The story is actually told from multiple viewpoints, each with a substantially different interpretation of events based upon their own interests and prejudices, with with the main character making the final existential declaration, “It’s humanoid to lie. Most of the time we can’t even be honest with ourselves,” only to be surprised by the compassion shown by Jar-Jar in taking in a small janitorimech that had been abandoned by its owner.

Sadly, after the poorly received Star Wars Holiday Special, the budget for The Lonely Gigolo was slashed and all of the actors playing the main characters backed out, refusing to work for literal peanuts. Even a highly stoned Carrie Fisher was cognizant enough to refuse to appear, claiming that she had a prior commitment to do some coke with John Belushi in the Paramount back lot. The entire forty-seven minute episode was filmed for under $50,000 and granted in perpetuity to the Corporation for Public Broadcasting as a tax writeoff. CPB distributed it to three PBS stations in Mason City, IA, Eagle Butte, SD and Las Cruces, NM as a trial run where it was broken into sixty second segments and played in place of Emergency Broadcast System announcements. Because the show was never broadcast in its entirety and only in piecemeal segments at unexpected intervals, no one has ever seen more than seven or eight minutes of the entire show, and in 1981, following the success of The Empire Strikes Back, George Lucas successfully litigated in FISA court to have all tapes confiscated by the United States Postal Inspection Service External Crime & Violent Crime Teams under special provisions of the Comstock Act.

Rumors of fragments of the film have floated for years at science fiction conventions and on the alt.binaries.starwars Usenet group, but after the passage of the USA PATRIOT Act all references to it in the rec.arts.Sf.starwars.misc Frequently Asked Questions (RASSM FAQ) were deleted upon pain of prosecution and deportation to an Eastern European ‘black site’ by person or persons involved in the preservation, reproduction, distribution, sale, or transmission of the video in whole or in part, including previews, clips, memes, or quoted dialogue, making it the only Star Wars property that George Lucas has been able to comprehensively expunge from the public consciousness. (There is also arguably the elimination of Ewok-Wookie slash fiction that appeared on various BITNET Listservs in the years 1982 through 1987 that Lucas had a team of hackers eliminate in the earliest known instance of a targeted computer worm, but there are rumors that several sysadmins from the era have maintained private offline copies that have been used to blackmail Lucasfilm into giving all the prequel villain characters ridiculous names, which does make more sense than the official story that Lucas permitted his children to name characters in a multi-billion dollar franchise property.)

I had a point when I began all this but it has since escaped like rebel scum from an Imperial trash compactor.

Stranger

You have a good imagination. Maybe you should REALLY write a sequel. Or a prequel. Or an in-between-quel.

[Biffster]

@Jacquernagy

I was under the impression that Han Solo had served as an Imperial pilot before striking out as an underworld smuggler. The voice over in the trailer says he “got kicked out of the flight academy”, though, implying that he didn’t complete the training (if the academy they’re referring to is the same Imperial academy that Luke wants to join in the first Star Wars.) It would have been cool to see a brief glimpse of Solo as a TIE Fighter pilot, displaying some camaraderie with other pilots, humanizing the TIE pilots a little bit…they’re maybe the only people in the Star Wars movies that never got any exposition at all. But they should. It’s a skilled job that people obviously have to train for; it can’t just be done by robots. And I have to assume the guys who fly them are officers, not conscripts…it would be cool to get a peek at that little corner of the Imperial world, after seeing SO much of their Rebel counterparts.

What about Finn?

[Elendil_s_Heir]

All right, maybe I’m being whooshed, but I still don’t know what TLG (or TLJ) is…

[DigitalC]

@Biffster

What about Finn?

Finn couldn’t fly, that’s why he rescued Poe. He was just a Stormtrooper.

[DigitalC]

@Elendil_s_Heir

All right, maybe I’m being whooshed, but I still don’t know what TLG (or TLJ) is…

The last jedi?

[Elendil_s_Heir]

Ah, got it. Thanks.

[kenobi_65]

@DigitalC

Finn couldn’t fly, that’s why he rescued Poe. He was just a Stormtrooper.

Yup. Trained in shooting things (and sanitation services ), not piloting.

[Sir_T-Cups]

Looks like a decent sci-fi action film at best and a complete trainwreck at worst.

I’ll see it if I hear good things about it and I have a free weekend, otherwise it’s probably a Redbox for me.

[nightshadea]

heres what I know of solos back story
ok the story had always been that han solo was some sort of low- mid level imperial officer and Chewbacca was in chains and being abused in some manner and he went to stop it caused a physical fight and shot the other guys and helped Chewbacca escape there by “resigning” from the empire

there was supposed ot be a conversation about how solo knows imperial regulations from memory that tied into how he met chewie but I think only the original marvel comic series ever put it on paper

Supposedly when Vader refers to him as “captain” solo in empire hes speaking of his former imperial rank…

[cmyk]

It looks good to me. Also, that music is stellar. An electric guitar is so Han Solo.

[Quimby]

@Alessan

My guess is that the people who’ll complain about there being too much fanservice in Solo will be the exact same people who complained about there being too little fanservice in TLG.

I think it’s just the opposite. The people that hated The Last Jedi want to be fed nothing but Fan Service so they will eat this movie up. They want Star Wars to just keep showing them the same things over and over. I liked the Last Jedi a lot and expect Solo to be bad (but hope I am wrong).

[Stranger_On_A_Train]

@Biffster

You have a good imagination. Maybe you should REALLY write a sequel. Or a prequel. Or an in-between-quel.

I am morally certain that Lucasfilm/Disney would not pemit me within twelve parsecs of the Star Wars property even on a dare. I’m frankly kind of shocked they let James Gunn move ahead with Guardians of the Galaxy after the acquisition of Marvel by The Walt Disney Company (but not at all surprised about the endorsement of Ant-Man, although I expected them to respond to the resignation of Edgar Wright by appointing Joe Johnston, being experience with both Marvel and shrinking people films) but I do not think they would appreciate the sardonic point of view and pent-up frustration I would bring to the creative sausage-making process. I think I’d do a lot better with an adaptation of the Doom Patrol or Nextwave, which are properties for which exactly zero people are demanding a cinematic debut. On the other hand, I do not think I could do any more harm to the Fantastic Four than has already been done, so perhaps Fox will give me a spin with their property, at least until I give a pitch that frames the team in terms of characters from Macbeth.

Stranger

[Elendil_s_Heir]

@nightshadea

…Supposedly when Vader refers to him as “captain” solo in empire hes speaking of his former imperial rank…

I always assumed that was just in recognition of his status as master of the Millennium Falcon.

[Bijou_Drains]

Game of Thrones creators will make star wars movies

https://www.rollingstone.com/movies/news/game-of-thrones-creators-tapped-for-new-star-wars-saga-w516424

[DrDeth]

@Simplicio

You’d think somewhere in Disney’s Star Wars division they’d have a big glowing neon sign that read: “No Prequels” in big letters. Ah well.

Yeah, why on earth would they want another** $2.5 BILLION **dollars. :rolleyes:

Look, despite fanboy complaints, the three Prequels made a metric shitonne of moola, and got reasonable Rotten Tomatoes ratings. They were- by any measure- a huge success.

[dtilque]

In astro news: they found rogue planets in light from a galaxy emited long ago and far far away?
:cogitates:
This is just a promo for the Han Solo movie, isn’t it?

[Bijou_Drains]

they fly upside down quite a lot but nobody wears a seat belt. How is that possible?

[iiandyiiii]

@Bijou_Drains

they fly upside down quite a lot but nobody wears a seat belt. How is that possible?

Pretty sure the in-universe explanation is that the ship has its own artificial gravity system, and therefore those inside the ship are always attracted to the floor, no matter the orientation.

[Darren_Garrison]

@iiandyiiii

Pretty sure the in-universe explanation is that the ship has its own artificial gravity system, and therefore those inside the ship are always attracted to the floor, no matter the orientation.

Except for BB-8, who gets tossed around so much that he has to anchor himself to the walls.