My mother went job hunting when I was 8 days old. She left me with her parents. She dropped in for a day 2 years later. She called when I was 4. She sent me birthday presents 3 times, never for Christmas. She called when I was 14 to ask if I’d come visit. I visited her and her new family the summer I was 15 and again when I was 16.
She died when I was 28. I didn’t go to her funeral.
I’m fuzzy on the details, because my mother didn’t like to talk about it, and is dead now, but her father disappeared. My mother was the youngest in the family, and he left when she was about two. It was either just before World War II or the start of it (1939-ish for us Colonials). He left and never was heard from again. My grandmother raised five children by herself in a small town in BC and was a wonderful woman, and my mother and her siblings all turned out well, then had families too. So that’s the closest relative I had that disappeared–my maternal grandfather.
Frederick Waterstreet, if anyone knows him. 
I guess I should add, that I carried on her tradition. When I left home, I was gone.
You can thwap me if you like, but part of me is wondering whether a Doper is going to post about a missing grand-daughter… :eek:
We could be related!! Did either set of great-great grandparents potato-farm? 
I do not know their real names, though. I never thought to ask, as Grandma and Grandpa Johnson were just…Grandma and Grandpa Johnson. And Johnson definitely was not his given name; it was changed on the way over. Hrm…small world.
No, I’m 63. Everyone except 3 half brothers and a half sister are the only people related to me still living.
Reading this thread, I get scared that my relatives will just up and walk away from me without a word of explanation. If any of my sibs want to cut ties, I’d appreciate them having the courtesy of informing me first, and providing the reasons why they never want to see or hear form me or the rest of the family ever again. I will try to respect their wishes as best as I can. Maybe this sounds unrealistic, but this is how I feel.
Just curious, how does one go about doing this?
That’s a sad story, picunurse. Was your mom really young when she had you? Was she married? Was your dad involved in your life? Did you ever figure out why she abandoned you as a newborn? How was it growing up with your grandparents?
[ol]
[li]Own your own valid credit card[/li][li]Get His/her real name[/li][li]Hi Opal[/li][li]Get birthdate, plus year[/li][li]Get SSN. [/li][li]Any extra data you can scrounge up.[/li][li]Go to Google, & search for credit checks[/li][li]Use you credit card to pay for the credit check[/li][/ol]
There are also online “detective agencies” that will hunt, for $200+. They do much, much more.
That really sounds terrible, trying to wrap my head around it…I’m curious as to what she said to anyone about it when she did just drop in. Did anyone in your family find out the real story, or talk to her about deserting her child? (not that there has to be anything other than ‘I wanted another kind of life with someone else’ - but still!) I certainly don’t blame you for not going to her funeral!
She was 30. She had had one child out of wedlock whe she was 18, who was given up for adoption. She married, had another child who died of (probably) SIDS. She blamed her husband, so divorced him. I was born 18 months after he left. Four years after she left me, she remarried. They had 4 children.
When I saw her when I was 15, I asked about my father and she slapped me. I never asked again. She also told her friends I was her neice.
Hah. So after I started this thread I realized my dad almost disappeared on us when I was a little girl. He went off on a “hunting trip” one day and the next time I saw him was in Germany months later. I don’t know if he actually went hunting at all, but he did run off to join the Army. Apparently he thought my mom wanted him to leave, so instead of talking about that fact, he just left.
I’ve always felt it’s a good example of why communication is essential, and I wonder what would have happened if he hadn’t called her during boot camp.
I had a male relative (not my father) who would occasionally disappear for several months to a couple of years, then reappear as if nothing had happened. This was rather inconvenient to those he left behind, including in one case a wife and child and in another case a different child. He’d had custody of that second child but had left that child with other relatives from the beginning. (The other relatives had no legal guardianship of that child, and were afraid to try to obtain guardianship because they thought that if they went to court over the issue and failed, he would take the child and disappear.) Meanwhile, judging by several frantic letters various family members received, he apparently got married to yet another woman during one of these disappearances…before he disappeared back to us.
He hasn’t pulled this for many years, but to this day he’s never given an explanation for his behavior, and he’s clueless as to why neither (or possibly none) of his children want to have a close relationship with him.
This is the saddest thread I’ve read in a while. My heart goes out to all of you.
Two of my mom’s three brothers disappeared (I feel weird calling the two uncles, since I never had a real connection with them)… well, one disappeared and one was ostracized. The one who disappeared voluntarily makes sporadic contact with various family members every few years; he’s not a bad guy, just took to heart the whole living-off-the-land/Whole-Earth-Catalog post-hippie lifestyle, and he went out west and is doing what he likes off the grid.
I’ve essentially disappeared as far as my family is concerned. I see my mom maybe once or twice a year (though she’s a Facebook friend, so we do stay in a modicum of contact), and have had no contact with my cousins nor their parents for a good eight years. We were close at one point, but they became more and more fundamentalist Christian, and began chastising me for doing things like studying mathematics and getting therapy for psychological problems. I’m rather the black sheep, and like it; having no ties opens up a lot of possibilities for moving or even leaving the country to go to a good grad school or job.
I had a somewhat distant relative in the 1850’s who decided to head north (Australia was pretty wild then). No one ever heard of him again.
Back before google, my uncle left town without telling anyone where whe was going. Eventually, my grandmother got my dad to track him down. I remember lots of phone books were involved in the process. Uncle reestablished contact for a while, and then dropped out again. Last I heard he’d been doing drugs, so he might be dead by now. While he’d have a hard time finding me (I’ve married and changed my name since the last contact) my parents still live in my childhood home and have the same phone number. When he needs to, or needs bail, he’ll call.