I have the house to myself this week, which is a rare and wondrous occurrence, so I invited a gentleman friend to spend the evening. And then I promptly got my period, because that’s just how it tends to go for me.
I went out and bought some Instead softcups. And I’m profoundly disappointed. I’d tried them years ago, and was unimpressed, and while they’ve changed the design for the better (the ring is much more pliable, and years ago there was a seam on the ring that I could always feel, and that’s gone now), there’s still no way that I could have sex with this thing in.
I’m certain I’ve inserted it correctly, or at least as correctly as I, personally, can insert it. My vagina and I are intimate friends, and I’m thoroughly familiar with its not especially quirky terrain. While the cup slides behind my cervix in the back with no problem, it will NOT stay horizontal and slide up and around the front. It’s certainly adequate for *its * primary purpose, since doesn’t leak during normal activity, or even working out, but for MY purpose, it’s useless. No matter what position I’m in, if I slide my not-remotely-penis-sized finger up there, I can feel the plastic ring. And it’s not a pleasant feeling. It’s a little, well… poke-y. And scrape-y. I’d be afraid of hurting the poor guy.
Has anyone else tried this with more success? Any hints? And please spare me the hymns to the Diva cup, which I’m sure is fabulous and wonderful and everything it’s chalked up to be, but since I can’t have sex with it in, I don’t care. My tubes have been tied for years, but I swear I’m contemplating being fitted for a diaphragm just so I never have to worry about this again. Sadly, I can’t do that by tonight, so any other suggestions are equally welcome!
I agree. The blood never really bothered me. If you were hankerin’ for cunnilingus, that might be a different story, but your concerns seem to be penis-related.
Believe me, I’m not a squeamish person, and if he weren’t such a newish gentleman friend, or if it were day three, I’d be way ahead of you. But he is, and it’s day one, which can get a little bit Carrie at the prom.
Besides, let’s be honest… it’s not really about *his * comfort and happiness, which my bleeding needn’t interfere with. *I * want sex, dammit.
Guy’s perspective: I’d give it a shot – the ring may or may not be uncomfortable to your lover.
Also: what Baldwin said. It’s kind of a turn-on, actually … sort of a suggestion that you are really into him. But it’s a very individual thing … you just have to be upfront about it and see what his response is.
I’ve been using Instead for about three years - we have sex all the time when I’ve got one in. He says he can’t feel anything different in there at all - I thought it was funny, too, because when I… erm… checked around the first few times before we tried it, I could certainly find and feel the rim with little effort. However, we’ve had sex very successfully while I’m wearing one - neither of us feel anything out of the ordinary. I don’t know why it works, but no one gets poked or scraped in any way. I’m always comfortable during and after, and he’s never complained - he would let me know if something was amiss.
My only advice: insert a fresh one before intercourse. If it’s been in there a while there’s more of a chance of leakage. Blech.
I’ll never forgive Instead for the major, MAJOR accident I had in the Louvre, once. And the bathrooms were coin op. And I didn’t have any coins. I had to do the old middle school sweatshirt-tied-around-waist trick for the rest of the afternoon.
You can have sex with these things on? :eek: I wish I’d discovered these before. I only have my period 3-4 times a year but it ALWAYS HAPPENS at the most inconvenient times - like right before I know I’ll have an opportunity for sex. :smack:
Anastasaeon, when you wear it, does it tuck up behind your pubic bone in *front * of your cervix? Because I can’t get it to do that. With a great deal of poking and prodding, if I’m lying flat on my back, I can wedge it in there, but the second I move it pops out. Rather painfully, in fact. Like I said, it doesn’t leak even without being tucked up there, so maybe it’s not meant to be, but it certainly *seems * like it should.
HazelNutCoffee, I feel your pain. My period is only predictable in that I can count on it to appear at the worst possible time. God, I miss the pill.
My one experience with it was pretty much what you described. I could feel it, he could feel it – generally unpleasant all the way around. We ditched it and opted for the “Carrie at the prom” experience.
I don’t really like Instead for its primary, blood-pooling purpose, but I have had sex with one in. The boyf mentioned later that he could feel it, but only after I mentioned I’d had it in, and I didn’t hear any complaints during the actual act.
If this gentleman friend is not a regular and will be wearing a condom, I’d be worried whether the rubber-on-rubber friction (both breakage and comfort). Hmm… could this be a case for the dreaded female condom?
TMI alert:I shall never forget the time a roommate brought a girl home from a club, and in the dark of his room, went down on her - with her neglecting to tell him she was having a very heavy period. She left early, and later he got up to join us for breakfast, without having looked in the mirror. It quite put me off my blood pudding.
I have used the Instead cup for several (5 or 6, I guess) years. When inserting it I definitely get it to “lock” into place above/behind the pubic bone. I do this by aiming the uppermost edge of the ring back toward my spine, then when it’s as far back as it will go I push the forward edge of the ring up into place. I can feel the ridge of the pubis with my finger, and push the ring over it with pressure toward the back. Then when I let go it settles/locks in position above the bone. It’s wedged in solidly enough that I have to hook a finger into the ring part and do some maneuvering to get it back out.
I have not had vaginal intercourse with one in place, though, since to me it’s uncomfortable when menstruating and I find other avenues more enjoyable at that time.
Hope this helps.
I’ve used Instead since way back when they were made in Montana rather than Canada. A fresh clean cup immediately pre-coitus is a VERY good idea. Hubby says he sometimes notices the ring, but it isn’t a distraction.
To get it to sit properly, try inserting it while you’re in about a half squat (like you aren’t quite sure how tall the chair is), then stand up straight, and squeeze a little (a half assed attempt at a kegel exercise). Be sure to be pushing on the front edge (the one that goes toward your front) during insertion.
Good luck and have fun!