Dictionaries disagree with you, unless I was just whooshed by your humour.
Merriam-Webster says:
in effect : virtually —used in an exaggerated way to emphasize a statement or description that is not literally true or possible
c. colloquial . Used to indicate that some (frequently conventional) metaphorical or hyperbolical expression is to be taken in the strongest admissible sense: ‘virtually, as good as’; (also) ‘completely, utterly, absolutely’.Now one of the most common uses, although often considered irregular in standard English since it reverses the original sense of literally (‘not figuratively or metaphorically’).