Ever have one of those times where a little voice in your head tells you to do something or not do something and it averts an unforseen disaster? I think we all have. I know I have several times, but two most prominent memories are when I was in High School and college.
In HS I worked delivering pizzas for awhile. I had a delivery to a house that was in the middle of nowhere, just barely in our delivery radius. I recognized the name, too. It belonged to a guy that I knew it was trouble. He was the guy like Todd from the old Beavis and Butthead cartoons. He was a senior in HS for like 3 years before finally NOT graduating and dropping out and eventually ended up in jail. Anyway, I got to this house and pulled the pizza out of the hotbox in the backseat. As I turned to go to the door of this old house in the middle of nowhere I saw that there were no lights on anywhere…and I could hear people moving around in the bushes. A voice inside of my head said Get out of here…NOW! I hopped back in the car and went back to the store. The boss said the customers had called and complained, saying they saw me pull up and then leave without delivering the pizza. I told my boss he could fire me if he wanted to, but I wasn’t going back there. He sent another driver…who promptly got mugged and beaten up at the door of that house.
A few years later in college (my sophomore year) I met this girl I’ll call Amy. (for 'twas not her name) She was a freshman and it was the beginning of the semester. Now, Amy had an incredible body and long blonde hair…her only visible problem was she should have had braces when she was a child. Still, she fell for every stupid pickup line I used which in itself should have been a warning. (trust me, this was the mid-80’s, they were extremely lame lines). I scored a date with her and wanting to be as impressive as a broke-ass 19 year old college kid can be decided to take her to a reasonably nice restaraunt. Wearing a tie I showed up to pick her up and she was wearing…well, remember Prince and the Revolution back in the 80’s? Remember the wierd Ben Franklin/18th century stuff they wore, particularly the 2 chicks in the band, Wendy and Lisa? Well, thats what she was dressed like. When I first met Amy she was dressed like a normal person, but now…oooh boy. Still, I was horny, so we went to eat. Now Amy was giving me goo-goo eyes the whole time and playing footsie with me at the restaraunt so I must have hit the right buttons…however all she talked about was how many times she got high in High School and woke up somewhere with a hangover.
I took her home, not really expecting anything but still horny as hell. When we got to her door she opened it and turned around with come hither eyes and told me her roommate was out for evening so I should come in…roooowrrr…she even made it a point to show me as much of her boobs as she could without stripping right there. Remember the part in Animal House where the angel and the devil show up on Pinto’s shoulders? Thats what happened to me. Here I was standing there with a half Peter Parker half Spider-Man face with squiggly lines projecting from my head and the devil was saying Go on! Bone her brains out! Hump her to death! Break her kneecaps with orgasms! You know she wants it bad! and the angel saying If you do this you’ll be sooooorrrrrrryyyyyy… I decided to err on the side of caution, made excuses and left her disappointed at the door. For a week or so she kept coming on to me at school, but I turned her down. So she dated another guy I knew…and the weekend after he dated her he had VD and crabs. My roommate laughed about that and told me “Its a good thing your spider sense was tingling, man.”