I was raised in the Lutheran church (Missouri synod, but in a congregation that cheerfully ignores the part about women not participating). I was highly involved in the weekly church routine because I was an organist and singer but realized, when I moved away from home that I hadn’t really believed much of it for a long time. It had been a familiar habit. For several years after that I had organist gigs in Lutheran, Episcopal and Catholic congregations but basically ignored everything but the music.
I attended Brigham Young U for my masters degree, entering as a non-member but ended up joining the LDS church in a moment of weakness. I never believed the doctrine, although I desperately wanted to believe something and needed a sense of belonging to a community. I really tried to get some kind of spiritual confirmation that the church was true (yadda, yadda). No luck. Just can’t swallow it. So as soon as I left BYU I got out of the LDS church.
Tried an Episcopal church a couple of years ago, but was more attracted by the beautiful building, wonderful organ, familiar structure of the service and the pageantry than anything spiritual. Now I sleep in on Sundays.
OK, why I questioned my faith: although I managed to completely buy into the idea that I was sinful, originally and otherwise, I never experienced a sense of being forgiven, helped or comforted by the God that I was taught to believe in. I didn’t experience the presence of God in any convincing way. Add to that the many questions about doctrine and veracity of religious writings/teachings that my brush with Mormonism brought up, I began to doubt that there was a God at all and wonder if anything I was taught in church reflected reality.
Since giving up trying to believe in received doctrine (advantage: less guilt, less tying myself in knots trying to believe what I don’t) I’ve gained a sense of a sort of immanent (as opposed to transcendant) spiritual presence. Such as an impression of the divine in music and nature. That’s about it. Some of my reading on mysticism and gnosticism is intriguing, but doesn’t amount to belief. It’s more of an intellectual exercise. But I have a deep yearning for spiritual things. I’m constantly searching. So guess you could say I’ve ditched church, but not spirituality. Hope I find something. Or something finds me.
Besides, many people seem to get such a sense of comfort and strength from religion, and I’ve read studies that suggest that religious belief is good for your health. (sorry no cites, I don’t intend to prove it). There seems to be an advantage to believing in something bigger and better than ourselves. I’d like that.
Hope that’s the sort of input you were looking for.
rivulus