We used to take tests that would have an extra credit item at the end. I could tell, at the time, that he hadn’t written them (high production values, so to speak). If we as a class did well, he would reward us with “free gym.” He would tell us high score, average score, and whether we would have free gym.
Several times he would say, “Top score went to…Billy Classmate. Oh wait, lobotomyboy63 got the extra credit.” In a way I can see that I was pegging the needle and he didn’t want others to lose hope that they could get the top score. But it was his damning with faint praise that wasn’t lost on me at the age of 11.
Either people are assholes to everyone, or there was a reason they disliked me, which isn’t to say it was necessarily my fault but a personality clash, an ideas clash. Sometimes I was the douche; sometimes they were.
But I don’t buy that people hate you for no reason. There’s a reason. Not always valid, but there’s a reason.
But we’ve seen a lot of examples here where that reason is unknown. It might be subconscious on the part of the hater, and is certainly unknown to the hatee.
.
Now, as for a known reason… I’m a laid-back person, and am always looking for ways to have fun and be hilarious. Not a bad gig…
But, to my fellow professors (who were overworked and stressed and often took it out on their students), I’m sure it looked like I was coasting through life, doing less work and (gasp) getting along with students.
Truth is, I found ways to teach classes that took less work, and a lot of that work was "How can I make this subject fun?" And I genuinely liked my students and listened to their problems.
The Dean was constantly hearing from my colleagues about how I was wasting class time, that I was “too close” to students, and how I wasn’t “involved” with the faculty (I avoided the toxic gossip behind closed doors)…
She’d occasionally tell me that she’d get a teacher complaining and she’d promised them that she’d “make me aware of these serious issues”… which consisted of calling me in so she could roll her eyes, and we could laugh about it.
When I was in high school, I worked as a page at the local library (shelving books, checking out books to patrons, etc.) Loved the job. One time, they asked me to fill in for another page at another nearby library. The librarian was a very nice lady, and I thought I got along great with her. Later, though, I found out she had requested not to work with me anymore. They didn’t tell me why (I’m not sure they knew) but it really surprised and kind of devastated me. As far as I knew, I didn’t do anything wrong or objectionable. I did my job, carried on pleasant conversations with her (there weren’t many patrons during my time there) and was (as far as I know) inoffensive. To this day, when I think about this it upsets me a little. I don’t mind if people don’t like me, but I’d at least like to know why.
Surely I must have some traits that I cannot see that just cause some people to dislike me intensely.
Outside of those, there are two specific areas where I have had someone act in a way that it was clear they didn’t like me.
The first is my go-to when someone tells me of another person who just doesn’t like them but there is absolutely no reason for this: I ask if there might be a reason why jealousy could be involved.
In the few times where I have inadvertently gotten between a person and someone they liked, it took me ages to figure out why the cold treatment.
In one case, decades ago, I spent a week staying with my brother only to have his roommate (the homeowner) treat me coldly every moment of my stay–years passed before I realized they were more than just roommates, and I was causing some weird jealousy thing by my presence around my brother. That makes no sense whatsoever, but every bit of the behavior matched up perfectly.
The other kind of unprovoked dislike happens in the workplace. If you are good at one aspect of your work, there are occasionally people who are not good at that particular aspect who simply will treat you coldly for it. This doesn’t mean they are bad at work, they might be superior at other things. But I don’t treat them coldly for it (I hope!).