Do you challenge your negative feelings head-on because you realize that the person is probably not as unlikeable as they seem?
Or do you indulge your dislike by avoiding the person?
(Or do you complain about them anonymously on the internet under the guise of looking for advice? ;))
I have a coworker who is sweeter than honey-flavored cotton candy. But she seriously works my nerves for some reason. Her sweetness can be cloying and borderline phony, but I don’t think it’s that. If I had to take a WAG, it would be that she exudes low self-esteem in just about everything she says and does. Perhaps she reminds me of my own vulnerability/insecurity. But rather than feeling sympathy and compassion (which I really want to feel), I feel repulsed and exasperated.
Like, today she asked me to help her send out meeting invitations via email. She probably said “I just don’t know how to do it” about fifty times while I walked her through all the steps (literally telling her where to click, what to type, what to pull down, etc.). She thanked me afterwards, and I told her “no problem”. Because it wasn’t a problem at all. But I was left wishing someone would put her out of her misery already. Then I felt guilty that I could think such a mean thing.
It seems like her every quirk, no matter how harmless, gets under my skin. She sometimes verbalizes the lyrics to the songs she’s listening to through her earbuds. Sometimes she grunts. Sometimes she whispers. Sometimes she audibly sings, but in a low voice. There’s no reason for these soft vocalizations to be any more irritating than the whir of the copy machine or the phone conversations happening all around me, and yet her noises make me stabby. She also has a tendency to whine and speak in baby talk. I know some have speculated that baby talk in adult women is an indicator of childhood abuse, and I wouldn’t be surprised if my coworker was a victim of abuse. But again, instead of feeling sympathy and compassion when she speaks like that, I feel anger. The bully in me wants to yell at her “JUST LISTEN TO HOW PATHETIC YOU’RE SOUNDING RIGHT NOW!!”
She’s never been my most favorite person in the world, but my repulsion has intensified since we started being cubicle neighbors. We have gone out to lunch together a bunch of times and done some other “pro-social” things, so it’s not like I avoid her. But no matter what I do, the hate keeps growing. I worry that one day she’s going to start noticing it in my facial expressions.
I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar. If so, how did you handle it? Did the hate just build or did it eventually dissipate? I’ve dealt with people I didn’t like before, but in those cases my dislike seemed proportionate and justified. I don’t know if that’s the case here, and I feel awful about it.
Any advice?