Please help me learn how to ignore someone

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I thought of the Pit since this does involve some venting, but ultimately I need a pep talk, or yelling at, and/or any wise advice.

I work in an area with four cubicles in a main area, and then three side offices that sit just off the open cube area. I am in one of those offices. In the cube area are three office folk–two with very loud voices and one quieter, but they all yell to one another throughout the day. Their boss is in another side office but will also call out to them.

One of the two loud women is just horrible. Horrible. It’s a internal customer service department and you can hear her condescending tone of voice to our departments. She is very insecure and gets miffed if you don’t fawn over her stories or possessions or whatever. When she gets miffed she stops talking to you. She gets angry when someone has the nerve to take a day off when they’re sick, but spends half the day on personal calls. The worst part was they were threatening layoffs and then she was SO NICE to everyone, only to revert pretty much the same day she found out she was safe.

The upshot is, whenever I hear her shouting across the office, I think Shutthefuckupyouhorriblebitch. I get filled with grrr and it really bugs me while I’m trying to work.

Please let it be clear that I don’t act unprofessionally toward her. I am cordial and even friendly when she is in a good mood, while not compromising myself by ever confiding in her or anything. I do occasionally vent in private with another colleague who is plagued by her as well, and who I trust.

It’s the internal struggle I am having trouble getting over. I know she is never going to change so what should I do.

Now, I have read and tried to absorb the idea that I am letting someone take up space in my head (space I can’t really spare), it’s energy I don’t want to use on something like this, etc. But I internally erupt in bile (OK, not literally) when I hear this woman.

I’d like to not have to wear noise-blocking earphones but maybe that’s what I need to do. Practical solutions and emotional solutions welcome, or just tell me to suck it up. I know I’m whining but GRRRR.

2

Break the cycle: take 10 deep breaths then get up and go to the break room or kitchenette or bathroom or anywhere you can reasonably go just to interrupt the thought process in your head.

3

Go to your User Panel…

4

:stuck_out_tongue:

5

Yeah, if you’re in the environment where you can wear headphones, go for that. Lifehacker had a link about things of that sort.

I worked with an insecure “Southern Belle” of a woman who simply had to have her ego stroked just to get anything out of her. Then, when things weren’t going her way and you weren’t going to “help” her, she’d throw a fit and get all pissy. So, I feel your pain. My problem was that it was just me and her, so I couldn’t get away with much without her knowing it was me.

A subtle campaign of backstabbing may be in order, to start with notes that say “Please shut the f*ck up.” But thinking that there are multiple people in your office, it may be time for some False Flag operations to get them fighting even more with each other. Have some fun with it. Once you enjoy the chaos, hate and discontent ('cause you started it), it makes it all the more funner.

Tripler
Trust me. Use Cold War tactics to your advantage.

6

Sign up her email for various internet services. At the very least you’ll feel better.

7

Oh, I feel for ya. I have a not-too-bright coworker who constantly tries to be a smart-ass, and fails. I wouldn’t mind so much if he was actually funny or sarcastic, but instead he will state the blindingly obvious, or deliberately answer questions wrong, in a way that shows that he thinks he’s being sooo clever. He seems to have missed the concept that humor is supposed to be, y’know, funny.

8

Mr. Salinqmind works in a cube farm and has suffered grossly from loud co-workers (meaning yakking loud women). He wears foam earplugs to dim the noise, or listens to music with headphones. I wonder if he misses any office celebrations that way, and if that is a good or bad thing…My boss, the only man on the floor with 20 women, was once asked how he put up with the chatter and he said frankly after a while he was able to tune it out and didn’t even hear it any more. Like self-hypnosis? … I feel bad for the OP, this is a very common problem.

9

What you do is get someone else in the office to join you. When this woman you are trying to ignore says something, you say “Oh, did you hear something?” and then–this is key–have your confederate say “No, I don’t think so.” You complete the trifecta by responding “Oh, how strange. Must have been the wind!”

And THAT’S how you ignore someone!

10

Can you shut your office door and play some music/have the radio on/use a white noise machine?

Or ask her politely to keep the volume down. If that doesn’t work, or if you’re concerned that it’ll cause a meltdown (“How dare you ask me to be quiet IT’S A FREE COUNTRY AND I’M NOT LOUD ANYHOW WAAAAAHHHH!!!”), talk to her boss nicely - “Can you ask Mrs. Loudmouth and Mrs. Shoutsalot to keep their voices down? I can’t keep my door closed and they’re right outside my office; the noise makes it hard for me to concentrate and do my job effectively.”

11

Are you “better” than her?

As in, if one of you had to be fired, would it be her? If so, go ahead, try to get her fired. You can’t talk coughyell!cough when there’s no one to talk to, therefore, the other loud one will shut it too (in theory).

The other alternative is to spread rumours and lie your ass off. Get her mad at your boss and vice versa, and with luck she’ll quit.

The alternative is wacking her over the head with a steel pole, which, while more satisfying, is rather messy.

Trust me…

12

I had a toxic co-worker like this once. I’m sorry to say that I let her get to me; I was one of her main targets, and I was fresh out of college with little actual workplace experience (as in when you plan to keep the job and can’t just quit and get some other crap job until you get out of school). With nearly 20 years of hindsight (and a lot of personal improvement), I think I’d have called her on it: “OK, Betty, we get it. You hate me. I’ll make sure everyone is clear on this: HEY EVERYONE, JUST SO YOU KNOW, BETTY HATES ME! Now you can stop the passive-aggressive bullshit, mmkay?” Next time she started in, I’d remind her, “Now, now, remember, Betty, you don’t have to do that anymore. Really, you need to find another topic!” I think it would have thrown her for quite a loop, because she only knew how to play games and I never really saw anyone actually take her on, not even our wimp of a boss. :rolleyes:

This won’t work for you, of course. But I think you could try taking a page from Harry Potter and pretending she’s a boggart: Think of her not as irritating, but as comical, because that’s what she is. It’s really quite an act she’s got going there. Isn’t it rather ridiculous that this grown woman has the social skills of an inept toddler? That she feels the need to put on all this bluster just to make herself feel good or whatever? Work on chuckling to yourself and thinking, “There she goes again” when she goes off on one of her tirades.

13

Clap.

Clap.

Clap clap clap.

Clapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclap.

Full on applause.

And a wolf whistle.

14

That wolf whistle is deemed to be sexual harrassment! Pistols at dawn! even if Dawn wasn’t involved.

15

I agree with Scarlett and tdn. The direct approach. This works with snotty salespeople as well: “It seems I’ve done something to offend you. I’m very sorry! Can we start again?”

Can you kill this yappy bully with kindness? “Hulga, I’m SO SORRY! I know you care about this company as much as I do, and all the talking out here is distracting. I KNOW you’re not doing it on purpose; it’s me. But it would really, really, REALLY help if y’all lowered your voices out here! OK? Thank you SO MUCH! You’re great! I knew you’d understand. THANK YOU HULGA! :):):):)”

Deliver all this is in a perky tone so she’d look like a total asshole if she started arguing. Who knows; it might work. If you don’t want to do the direct confrontation approach, consider talking to her boss. It is, after all, impeding your ability to do your work.

16

Next time she yells across the office, go running up to her with an expression of extreme concern on your face, saying ‘Oh my god, what’s happened? What’s happened?’

When she looks confusedly back at you, say, ‘Oh, it’s just that you were shouting so loud, I thought it must be some major medical emergency or something! It’s not? Oh, thank goodness! I was really worried for a moment there!’

17

I also have an annoying coworker, and I finally got to the point where I had to take a page from my Catholic school education and offer it up. I’m sort of half-joking and half-serious.

On the serious side, I actually took it on as a spiritual improvement project – that I needed to work on being a better person by being kinder to and more patient with annoying people. I pray on this in church - and even aside from the spiritual aspect, which obviously not everyone is in to, I believe it was helpful to mentally focus on this outside of the office so that I could think about it not when I was being annoyed at that very moment.

On the lighter side, because I’ve still got to get through the day, you know :wink: , sometimes I have to view my annoying person as my own personal hair shirt, and will do things like try to figure out what transgression I committed years ago that I am being punished for now on this particular day. This cracks me up quite a bit, as I identify things like the time I tricked my little brother into trading his good Halloween candy (Reeses, Milky Ways) for my bad Halloween candy (Mary Janes, those creepy stale caramel blobs with the cream inside).

As a more practical suggestion, if you can’t wear earphones, is it possible to play low, workplace appropriate music in your office? I think even a little pleasant noise helps me focus away from irritating sounds from the outer office.

18

Even a ‘white noise’ machine with soothing surf sounds will help,

19

Hey, the wolf whistle is just me being happy and whistling a favorite tune. It has absolutely nothing to do with your amazing tits.

20

Hey, those are MY amazing tits, fella.