Can I get you a steaming cup of shut the fuck up?

The BBQ Pit
1

My co-worker/office mate and I are about to commit mass murder. Namely, those lovely folks in the department right next to ours.

Here’s how a typical day goes for us:

Me: “Hey, how do I find this field?”
Co-worker: “It’s the location fi–”

“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH-HHHHHAAAAAAAA!!! OMIGOD!!! NO!! HAHAHAHAHAH! THAT’S HYSTERICAL!”

Co-worker and I breathe deeply in order to restore our concentration.

Lather, rinse, repeat. This goes on all day. We sometimes wonder if any work gets done because all they seem to do is talk.

Supervisor of said department is the worst offender. It’s important to note that my co-worker unfortunately works closely with her once a month to get certain information for a program that we deal with - the information is quite often late, and as my co-worker and I are typically slammed, it pushes her back most of the time.

A few days ago, aforementioned supervisor is complaining to her boss that she has too much to do and she can’t get it all done. Then we hear her say that she’s supposed to have a secretary hired for her so that she has some help.

WHAT…THE…FUCK.

Maybe if you’d SHUT THE FUCK UP once in awhile, you’d get your motherfucking work done! And perhaps my co-worker and I wouldn’t be suffering from intense twitching every time we hear the sound of your voice! Shut your Goddamn department up, too. This isn’t a fucking playground and your employees are not preschool students, even if they act like them sometimes.

Yes, our door shuts, but our office is fucking cold - we shut the door, it gets even colder. And you’re loud enough to pass through the doors anyway.

This has come to a head over the past couple of days. Co-worker and I left the office at lunch together because we just couldn’t take it any longer. We’re also right around the corner from the CEO’s office, so I don’t know how he doesn’t hear them.

Her voice is fucking STUCK in my head and I can’t get it out.

I bust my ass to keep up with my work (as does my co-worker - we are INCREDIBLY busy), and the company won’t hire me permanently, yet she fucks around all day and gets an assistant? Yeah. Life’s a bitch.

Ava

2

Maybe you can get a small heater and close your door.

Can you play music in your office? Maybe it will help to drown out the yackity-yack.

How cool is your supervisor? It sounds like she’s just clueless about how distracting she is. Can you find a way to nicely ask her to tone it down?

3

Her manager has told her several times to tone it down. It doesn’t work. She’s one of those people that just HAS to be surrounded by drama at all times, you know? And if there’s none around, she creates it.

We do play music, but we keep it low out of respect for everyone else. Perhaps next time my co-worker is off for the day, I’ll blast Fiddler on the Roof and Avenue Q for their entertainment. Maybe Carousel. If those don’t work, I’ll pull out the big guns - Assassins and A Little Night Music.

The heater’s a good idea, but I’m not sure we’re allowed to plug things like that in.

Who knows. I don’t think we’re going to get anywhere with it, but it sure as hell feels good to rant about it:).

Ava

4

My first semester in college (dorms), my roommate and I had the pleasure of sharing a wall with 2 girls who fought incessantly and loudly, at all hours. After a few weeks of my roomie and I trying to ignore them, and/or bitching about them between ourselves, we decided to let them know that we could hear every word they said, quite clearly.

One night, as they were arguing, my roomie started a “fight” with me. We had discussed this earlier and agreed not to stop shouting until they did, or the police/RAs showed up. Our “argument” lasted for about 5 minutes of both of us cursing and throwing our (non-breakable) belongings around the room. Eventually, it got quiet on the other side of the wall, so my roomate ended our tirade with this gem, at the top of her lungs:

“You and your goddamn yeast infection!..”

At that, both my roommate and I cracked up laughing*, but so did the two girls on the other side.

Apparently, until then, they hadn’t realized the walls were so thin. We only heard one other fight between them the rest of the semester, and that was weeks later.

Any chance the other department isn’t aware how loud they are. Maybe you and your co-workers could let them know.

As far as them not getting any work done, and asking for more help, can’t help you there. Hopefully, their boss notices what you have.

*We had a suitemate (that we shared the bathroom with) who had every known type of OTC yeast infection cure known to woman, which is why my roommate and I couldn’t help but laugh. Yeast infections ended up being a long running in-joke between my roommate and I. Weird, I know.

5

:smiley: - can I borrow that?

Been here 40 minutes and my head is already beginning to ache. Thank God they have a staff meeting today, so we’ll at least get 30 minutes of quiet.

I’m thinking about bringing my husband’s CD clock radio with headphones and listening to that all day. Beats getting a constant migraine.

Ava

6

Wear earmuffs.

If her manager has already told her to tone it down, if a dozen people start wearing earmuffs, there’s a nice, steaming hot cup of drama right there, just waiting to happen.

I used to work across the cubicle wall from this same lady, apparently. She had the penetrating “mom” voice that she could. not. turn. off. The guy in the cube next to me got a little radio and turned it on so low I couldn’t hear it; she complained to her boss that he had music blasting all day long. Her boss came over to talk to the guy, and the lady was all, “SO, THEN, FOR THANKSGIVING, WE HAD A 20 LB. TURKEY. THAT LASTED ABOUT FIVE MINUTES. TEN POUNDS OF MASHED POTATOES, ALL GONE. HOT BUTTERED YAMS, ALL GONE. YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE THE WAY PEOPLE WERE EATING…”

Her boss looked at us and said, “Does she talk that loud all the time?” :eek:

And went and told her to STFU. Only more HR-sensitively.

7

Bring in a tape recorder. Record a day’s worth of outbursts. Play them back at random intervals throughout the day. Repeat.

8

Otto, I love you. Seriously.

Ethilrist, I swear it’s the same woman. In fact, I think she just had that same conversation.

My manager noticed it today - I didn’t even say a word to him. And I have a migraine (now what I hope are the remnants of a migraine, otherwise, I need to go home), so I’m not feeling charitable. I’ve got several items on my desk that may go flying through the air this afternoon. I’m waiting to take a lunch until they all get back, too. That’ll eliminate an hour or so of hearing them all yell at the top of their lungs.

Ava

9

Here ya’ go…

Room for cream?

10

Dude, if I wasn’t happily married, I’d ask to bear your child. (i really hope you’re a guy).

Hey, I’m in Canton - has there ever been a NE Ohio Dopefest?

Ava

11

There was a woman at my last place of business who felt it was necessary to carry on sidebars throughout any given meeting. This included meetings presided over by the CEO and Board meetings. What was amazing to me was that nobody would tell her to STFU. Not responding didn’t work, rolleyes didn’t work. When she started yapping at me during one board meeting where she had come in late and sat next to me, I turned to her and said “I can’t listen to two conversations at once. This information (pointing to the Board) is important to me. Yours isn’t.”

She never spoke to me again, which was the whole point.

In my present position, I’m in an office next to a young-ish person who is a sports nut. He and a couple of cronies spend a lot of salary dollars discussing the merits of different teams and players, none of which interests me in the least. The walls are not insulated, and it’s impossible to block it out. He doesn’t work for my company, and he’s a fair-haired boy around here, so I have no authority over him.

At least he doesn’t play golf. Those people are the absolute worst; and they can’t seem to understand that not everyone is fascinated by the goddamn game.

12

Sorry about the noise.

13

Yes, I’m a guy. Thank you, but no breeding will be nesseary.

I cannot take credit. Some other doper made the image. I merely saved it in my files 'cause it’s darned funny. Happy to share.

A NE Ohio dopefest? what a great idea!

I’ll be in NYC this weekend but after that…

14

I still wanna know the reaction to, “I want my fucking prize!” at ear bleeding decibel levels.

Or Booth’s conversation with Oswald. Surreal and off putting enough that I’ve used it a couple of times.

Waste

15

i should play Mario Cantone’s soliloquy at ear-shattering volumes. “Have it your way…have it your way…you know what my way is? HOT! I want it FUCKING HOT!”.

I think I need to listen to that on the way home.

Ava

16

I have a supervisor who sometimes likes to start the day listening to her idiot conservative news/talkradio garbage. I brought my CD player to work and listened to my “falling rain” CDs through headphones. Later I started having my phone headset on all the time with a foam earplug in the “open” ear side; could hardly hear a thing either way.

She hates not being able to get my attention instantly - it drives her nuts. I definitely think it’s a “control” issue. Sometimes she walks up behind me when I can’t hear her coming and startles the bejeezus out of me. She thinks it’s hilarious. She could easily go to the front of my desk, not the side, and she’d get my attention faster.

17

[ol]
[li]Get an anonymous e-mail account. Like GMail or Yahoo.[/li][li]Copy complaints from this thread into an e-mail directed to loudmouthed supervisor.[/li][li]Attach STFU picture.[/li][li]Send from home or a Kinkos or a public library (so the IP won’t be recognized as coming from within the office) one morning right before work, or during a lunch break.[/li][li]Come into the office and wait for the drama.[/li][li]When it winds down, turn up the Wicked OBR and laugh your butt off.[/li][/ol]

18

All I got to say is thank god I’m in construction.

19

I did this once when the people in the flat upstairs kept having noisy sex in the living room (over my bedroom) at 2am every night. Worked like a charm.

20

You need a mirror on your monitor, or on your desk somewhere. Like this one.